Just Starting Out
by GingerArts
Summary: Just another Hamilton College AU that I decided to write! Rated T because I don't entirely know what will happen.
1. Chapter 1

Alexander walked into his dorm, glad to see his three best friends, Laf, Herc, and John were already there.

"I swear, if you already trashed this place…"

Laf looked at him, grinning. "Of course we didn't trash it yet, mon ami. We were waiting for you to help us."

Alex grabbed a pillow and chucked it at his french friend. Soon enough the four of them had a full on pillow fight raging, and finally decided to stop when Herc's pillow ripped open as feathers floated gently to the floor.

Herc shrugged. "I can sew it up later."

Laf chuckled. "Of course you will, mon amour."

Alex, being the only other person in the room to understand french, looked at Laf curiously. Laf immediately realized his mistake, but there was nothing he could do to cover for it.

"What did you just say, Laf?"

"I-uh, er, well…"

"Doesn't it just mean friend?" Herc asked, who had seemingly misheard Laf.

Alex glanced between the two of them and realized that Herc really did think that it was just another way to say friend. "Yeah, basically." He replied as Laf breathed out a sigh of relief.

John glanced at his watch. "Don't we need to meet the girls for dinner in an hour?"

Herc nodded. "Yeah. We should probably get ready." He said, getting up and heading to his room.

After he left, John looked at Laf and Alex. "Okay, what did you actually say? You had been calling him that all afternoon before Alex arrived, and judging by the way Alex looked at you, it doesn't mean what I think it means."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Laf denied, even as his face flushed a bright red.

Alex started laughing. "Someone," he said, looking directly at Laf. "has a crush."

Laf's face, though it seemed impossible, got a darker red still.

John looked at laf in shock. "Really?"

Laf nodded, looking down. "I forgot Alex spoke french…"

"Well, I do. But now that we know, we might be able to get you two together."

"No!" Laf replied quickly. "He doesn't even like me!"

John and Alex shared a knowing glance. Near the end of last year, Herc had actually

admitted to having a crush on Laf to them. Laf had been out of the house running errands, so the three of them, along with Angelica and Eliza, who had also been over, decided to do a game of truth or dare.

Alex looked at Laf. "What makes you so sure?"

"Come on, Alex. It's obvious he's not interested in me!"

"Don't you think you should at least tell him how you feel?" John asked.

"I-what if he hates me?"

"Laf, you're overreacting." John replied gently. "Why would Herc hate you?"

"I don't know...I just...ugh!"

"Okay. How about we get ready for dinner with the Schuylers tonight, and we'll talk more about this later." Alex said. "I'm sure Herc will not hate you, though, if you decide to ask him out."

"Fine," Laf replied as Alex and John headed to their rooms.

"Do you think we should tell Herc?" John asked quietly.

"I don't know. Does he still like Laf?"

"I'm sure he does, but I can ask him."

"Alright." Alex replied.

"Oh yeah, you never told me what 'mon amour' means." John remembered.

Alex smiled. "It means 'my love'."

John grinned. "That's what Laf was calling him all day? Man, were we off."

"Yes, you were." Alex replied, heading off to his room.

When John was done getting ready he headed over to Herc's room. "Hey, can I come in?" He asked, knocking on the door. "I gotta ask you something."

"Yeah," Herc replied as John let himself in. "What'd you want to ask?"

"Do you still like Laf?"

"Yeah...why do you ask?" Herc asked, suspicious.

"Well, you know how he was saying 'mon amour' earlier?" John asked, smiling. "It doesn't mean what we thought it did."

"Are you going to tell me what it means then?" Herc asked.

John grinned. "It means 'my love'."

Color rose to Herc's cheeks. "There's no way."

"Well, that's what he said it meant. And he thinks it's impossible that you like him."

"What should I do?"

"Really? You need to ask me that? You should ask him out."

"You actually think he would go out with me?"

"Yes," John replied. "He likes you a LOT."

"When should I ask him?"

"Whenever you want. We have fifteen minutes before we have to leave though, so I doubt you'll have time to ask him tonight." John said, exiting the room. "I'm going to go start the car."

Despite them trying to be early, they arrived at the restaurant ten minutes late. The waiter led them to the table where the Schuylers were sitting, along with a fourth girl who was wearing a red top.

"So you finally decided to show up." Eliza said as the guys sat down. "Maria, these are some more of our friends, Herc, Laf, John, and Alex." She said, pointing to each of them as she said their names. "Guys, this is my girlfriend, Maria. She just started this semester."

"Nice to meet you," John replied, smiling. "Our friend group can get a little crazy sometimes. Just warning you now."

Maria grinned. "Oh, Eliza's warned me plenty of times already."

Everyone ordered their food and continued talking about their summer vacation.

The Schuylers had gone up to Canada to see Niagara Falls, Herc had been busy working on costumes for several Broadway shows, Laf visited family in France, John got another turtle, Maria and her brother, James, had moved to New York from Maine, and Alex's summer had been filled with writing articles for the New York Times.

"Thanks for inviting us tonight, Angie." Alex said.

"Of course! It's nice to see everyone before we start school. We actually have time to talk."

"Yeah," Alex agreed.

The group continued talking for a while and before they knew it they could see the sun setting through the windows.

"I think it's about time to head back." John said, grabbing his jacket.

"Okay," Alex said. "Herc, Laf, come on."

Alex and John went outside, with Herc and Laf following behind them. The two got into the car and waited for Laf and Herc, who were only about halfway across the parking lot. Finally when Laf was about to open the door, Herc said something which made Laf turn around. Alex and John couldn't hear what was being said though.

A minute later the two of them saw Laf basically throw himself at Herc, and the two of them stood there hugging for several minutes.

"I think," John said, "That Herc just made his move."

A minute later the two of them got into the car, both of them with bright red faces.

John and Alex looked at each other, smiling. "What was that about?" Alex asked them.

"Nothing!" Laf replied.

"Okay, sorry!" Alex replied.

The rest of the car ride went by without anymore conversation, and Alex and John could hear Laf quietly giggling to himself.

"So, do you guys want to watch a movie?" Alex asked when they got back to the dorm.

"Sure," Herc nodded. "Which one?"

"How about The Patriot?" Alex suggested. "It's been a while since we've watched that one."

"Alright," Laf replied as everyone went to the couch while Alex put the movie in.

The movie started and about half an hour in Alex got up to go get popcorn. He came back out with two bags, one wouldn't have been enough for the four of them.

As the movie dragged on, Laf started leaning on Herc's shoulder, and eventually fell asleep.

They really are cute together. Alex thought.

"Well, goodnight guys," John said, standing up as the movie ended. "We have classes tomorrow, and I don't want to be falling asleep during art." He went off to his room.

Alex looked at his watch. "Yeah, I think I'm going to go to bed too."

"Okay, 'night." Herc said. "It looks like I'm going to spend the night out here." He said, smiling. Laf's head had dropped into Herc's lap. "If I move he's going to wake up."

"Suit yourself." Alex replied, shrugging and heading to his room.

 **Thanks for reading the first chapter of this! Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Laf blinked his eyes open. The first thing he noticed was that he was in the living room. _Did I fall asleep during the movie?_ The second thing he noticed was that he was on top of Herc. He immediately sat up, and the sudden movement caused Herc to wake up.

"Sorry…" Laf whispered. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you...you could've gone to your room."

"You're fine. Besides, if I had moved you would've woken up."

"Oh...thanks." Laf leaned on Herc and received a hug.

"Now, what do you want for breakfast? We can get started on something."

"Um, can we have pancakes?"

"Yeah, of course." Herc replied, heading to the kitchen and getting out the pancake mix. "Did you sleep well?"

"Uh-huh," Laf replied. "You?"

"Yeah, pretty well. The couch was kinda uncomfortable, but I'll live."

"Sorry." Laf replied.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Herc said, pouring the batter into the pan.

"Alright, whatever you say...I just say sorry a lot…"

"I wonder why." Herc replied, though mainly talking to himself.

"Reasons." Laf mumbled.

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Do I have to?"

"No, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"I'm going to keep it to myself for now, then." Laf replied quietly.

"Alright," Herc shrugged. "But if you need to talk, don't be afraid to come to me, 'kay?"

"Okay."

Herc plated three pancakes and passed it to Laf. "Here you go."

"Thanks," Laf replied, taking the plate over to the table. "What classes do you have today?"

"Math and science." Herc, grabbing a few pancakes for himself and joining Laf at the table. "How about you?"

"English and then lit." Laf replied glumly. "I don't get why they decided to put the two classes I suck at next to each other."

"I can help you with homework if you want." Herc offered.

"Thanks Herc," Laf replied, putting his plate in the sink. "I have to get to class."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye," Laf replied, grabbing his bag and heading over to his English class.

He sat down and took out his textbook, looking over the material they'd be covering in class that day, hoping that if he had looked at it previously he'd understand it a little better.

"Hey, Marie!"

 _Oh no…_ Laf thought, shrinking down in his seat.

"Marie, you're coming over today, right?" A boy with a floof of dark hair asked, walking up to Laf.

"N-no, not today, Thomas," Laf stammered out nervously. "Something came up…"

"Oh yeah?" Thomas snapped. "And what would that be? You better not be lying."

"I'm-I'm not lying! I'm going on a date!"

"Pfft, as if someone would ask you on a date. Now I know you're lying." Thomas snapped. "Meet me at my dorm after your second class."

"I'm not lying though."

"Please. Who on earth would want to date you?"

Laf looked down, not saying a word. He wouldn't believe me anyway if I told him.

"Exactly. See you after classes." Thomas smirked, leaving to go sit next to his friend James.

 _What am I going to tell Herc?_ Laf worried. _I can't cancel on the date, but if I don't, Thomas will do who knows what…_ At this point the first class was already done and Laf was heading across campus to Lit.

"Hey, Laf." Alex said, sliding into the seat next to him. "Why didn't you tell me you had Lit today?"

"I didn't see any reason to. I didn't know that you were in it either. What was your first class?"

"I had math with Herc. John was in his art class."

"Oh," Laf replied, nodding. "Did they start off pretty basic?"

"Well, we hardly covered any math today, the teacher just went on and on with introductions and passing out the syllabus. I swear, one more minute in that class and I would've died of boredom." Alex joked. "But hey, are you ever going to tell me what Herc said to you last night after the restaurant?"

"Um, well…"

"C'mon, spit it out!" Alex begged.

"He asked me out." Laf replied quietly, a subtle blush spreading over his face.

"I knew it!" Alex exclaimed excitedly. "When's your first date?"

"It's-it's after classes today. We're going to get whatever homework we have done and then we'll go downtown for dinner, and I guess maybe something else? It's not entirely planned out." Laf replied.

"I bet you'll have a lot of fun." Alex replied. "You know he's liked you since last year?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, we've known about it for a while now."

Laf was about to reply when the teacher walked in and the room silenced. The class went by slowly as the teacher droned on about what was to be expected in the classroom. Finally, after what felt like forever, the class ended, and Laf and Alex walked back to the dorm together.

"Well, good luck on your date!" Alex exclaimed, heading off to his room, probably to write some essay that wasn't due for another three weeks.

Laf went into his room to try to find something to wear. _What do I wear? Something casual or fancy? I don't really know what we'll be doing or where we're going for dinner...ugh!_

He finally decided to just wear a plain button up shirt, and was about to go into the living room to wait for Herc when his phone beeped with a text.

'Where are you at?' The text read. 'I'm waiting for you.'

'I already told you I'm not coming over.' Laf texted back to Thomas. 'I have a date.'

'Don't lie to me!'

Laf ignored the text, sighing and going out into the living room, where Herc was already waiting. "Oh sorry, were you out here very long?" He asked.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Herc replied, smiling. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," Laf nodded. "Thank you."

"Of course." Herc said. "Let's go."

 **Thanks for all the reviews I've received so far, I'm glad so many people enjoy my story! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

The two of them walked downtown together to a nearby Italian restaurant that Herc had heard was good. They had just been seated when Laf received another text.

'Where are you?'

'For the last time, I'm on a date!' Laf texted back, frustrated. 'Now leave me alone!'

His phone continued to blow up with messages, eventually causing him to silence it and shove it into his pocket.

Herc looked at him curiously. "Is everything okay? If there's somewhere you need to be we can go back."

"No!" Laf replied quickly. "No, everything is fine. Don't worry about it." He continued, finishing his food and pushing the plate off to the side. He attempted a smile to keep Herc from worrying, and it seemed to work.

"Okay," Herc grinned. "Did you want to go to the park and just talk for a little bit?"

"Sure, that sounds nice."

It was still early, but surprisingly enough there weren't many people at the park. It seemed rather quiet too, but Herc and Laf filled the void of silence with their own voices.

"Did you have a good time?" Herc asked Laf. They were sitting on a bench and Laf had leaned his head up against Herc's shoulder.

"Yeah," He said, smiling softly. "Thanks."

"Of course," Herc replied, wrapping his arm around Laf. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Mm-hm." Laf replied. "Hey Herc?"

"Yeah?"

"Alex said you've liked me since last year...have you really?"

Herc looked surprised. "Uh, yeah. I've liked you for a while now…" he replied quietly. "I just didn't know how to tell you."

Laf looked at him. "Well, what made you tell me last night then?"

"John told me what you had been calling me all day...he knew I liked you already, so he thought it'd be fine to tell me."

"He said he wouldn't tell you though." Laf said, disappointed his friend had ignored his wishes. "Not that I'm mad that he did!" He replied quickly after that.

Herc smiled. "You're fine."

"Hi!" A voice said from behind them, causing them both to jump and turn around to see the speaker.

"How'd you find me?" Laf asked Thomas quietly.

"There's a thing called looking." The boy replied, his arms crossed. "And it doesn't look like you're on a date."

Herc looked between the two, trying to figure out what was going on. "Can someone please explain?" He asked, confused.

"Well, I was waiting at my dorm for Marie to show up, and when he didn't show up I texted him but he refused to respond!" Thomas said quickly before Laf could get a word out. "And earlier he told me he was on a date, and now I see that he's just here with you!"

Herc looked at him. "Excuse me? We are on a date, if you must know!"

"Herc...Herc just ignore him…" Laf said quietly.

"Why are you on a date with my boyfriend?" Thomas replied, glaring at Herc.

"Thomas, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not your boyfriend?!" Laf yelled at him.

Thomas ignored him. "Well, as nice as it was to meet you," he glared at Herc, "Marie and I have somewhere to be." He continued, grabbing Laf's wrist harshly and pulling him up from the bench.

"Ow! Thomas, let go of me!" Laf exclaimed, struggling against Thomas's grip.

"Hey, let go of him!" Herc said, standing up. "He obviously doesn't want to go with you!"

"Does it look like I care?" Thomas replied, tightening his grip.

"I said, let go of him." Herc said forcefully, forming his hands into fists.

"No." Thomas said defiantly. "You aren't in charge of me."

Herc swung at Thomas's face, causing him to loosen his grip on Laf's wrist, giving Laf the chance to pull away from him.

The fight continued on until Herc shoved Thomas to the ground. "Get out of here!" Herc snarled.

Thomas scrambled up, glaring at Herc, then stalked off.

Herc turned to face Laf, who was on the ground, sobbing. "Laf? Laf, what was that about?" He bent down next to him, putting his hand on Laf's back and rubbing him gently.

"I'll-I'll tell you back at the dorm." Laf choked out.

Herc looked at him concerned, then helped him to his feet. The two of them walked back to the dorm, Laf with his head down the entire time.

The two of them entered the dorm, collapsing on the couch and letting out a shuddered sob. Herc sat next to him and pulled him close, and Laf slowly leaned into his chest.

"He's not my boyfriend…" Laf mumbled, still crying.

"I never said he was." Herc replied gently. "Why does he think that though?"

"I-I dated him in our senior year of high school…" Laf choked out. "It wasn't for a very long period of time, but when I broke up with him he didn't acknowledge it. He won't stop bugging me…" He said in between sobs. "That's who I was getting texts from all through dinner."

Herc hugged Laf, speaking softly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry about it. I didn't think it was very important, so I just left it alone. I should've told you, I'm sorry."

"Hey. Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. Can I ask you another thing?"

"I guess…"

"Why does he call you Marie?"

"Because he's mean...he knows I hate it…"

"Oh. Is your arm okay?" Herc asked. "He grabbed you pretty tightly."

Laf pulled back his sleeve a little bit to look. "It's a little red." He muttered. "It should be gone by tomorrow."

"If you need to talk you can come to me, you know that, right?"

"Yeah," Laf said quietly. "Yeah, I know."

"Good," Herc replied, leaning in and kissing Laf lightly on the forehead, at which Laf stiffened and pulled away. "Laf?" Herc said, confused. "Sorry, did you not want me to…?"

"It's-it's not your fault. It has nothing to do with you. Just reasons…" Laf said, trying to look fine, but Herc could detect a trace of fear in his eyes.

"You're scared." Herc said plainly. "Why?"

"I already said, it's just reasons!" Laf replied, his voice rising in volume. "Sorry...sorry, I didn't mean to yell…"

"Are these some of the same reasons why you say sorry all the time?"

"Maybe," Laf muttered, silently crying. "I'm-I'm gonna go to bed."

 **Whoo, Chapter 3! Don't expect daily updates, I'm just doing this until the story gets a little more popularity! Please review and thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Laf awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs. He slowly shuffled out into the kitchen. Herc was standing by the griddle with a plate of bacon already piled up.

"Hey, glad to see you're up!" Herc said with a grin. "I have some bacon here for you, the eggs will be ready in just a minute."

"Thanks." Laf said quietly, grabbing a few pieces of bacon and sitting at the table. Herc sat down next to him a minute later.

"Are you doing okay?"

Laf looked down, silent for a minute as if in thought. "I'm okay…" he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

Herc looked at him curiously. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"When Thomas and you fought last night...I didn't even ask if you were okay."

"I'm fine, don't worry about me." Herc replied. "Besides, I was more worried about you."

"Oh…" Laf sighed.

Herc looked at him. "I know I already asked you this, but are you okay? You're very quiet."

"I guess...no. I'm not alright. I'm scared. Thomas is going to do something to me today, I just know it." He replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Something...like what?"

"I don't know...he'll probably hurt me."

"Then just come back to the dorm."

"It's not that simple." Laf sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"You saw how tight of a grip he had on my arm." Laf whimpered. "And if I ignore him he's just gonna hurt me more!"

"Is that the reason you broke up with him? He kept hurting you?"

Laf looked down. "Y-yes…" he stuttered out.

Herc looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Thomas said I couldn't tell anyone."

"Do you listen to everything Thomas tells you to do?" Herc asked angrily. He wasn't mad at Laf, but at Thomas for being so mean to him.

Laf stiffened at Herc's tone of voice. "You-you don't understand. I have to listen to what he says. He will hurt me."

Herc noticed Laf stiffening. "Sorry! Sorry for my tone of voice, I'm not mad at you, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," Laf replied softly. "It just scares me, that's all."

"If it scares you then it's not okay. I don't want to scare you."

"I'm not scared of you...just what that tone of voice could lead up to. It's really stupid, I know."

"No, no, it's not stupid. I don't know exactly what happened that made you scared, but I'm sure you have a good reason." Herc said quickly. "Hey, I gotta get to class." He got up and grabbed his bag, then bent down, about to kiss his boyfriend but stopped, remembering his reaction from last night. "I love you."

"I love you too." Laf replied, attempting a small smile.

"Alright, I'll see you after classes then," Herc said, leaving the dorm. "Text me if you need anything!" He continued, shutting the door behind him.

Laf finished up with breakfast, putting his plate in the sink and then grabbed his bag. His first class of the day was American History, which had been placed on the other side of campus.

He walked into the class and saw John up in the back row. He smiled, grateful that one of his friends shared a class with him and sat in the seat next to John.

"Hey, Laf." John said. "I didn't know we had this class together."

"Neither did I," Laf replied. "How was your art class yesterday?"

"It was good. We had a little time to start on the first project, but not a lot because we had to go over the syllabus for the class, and then the rubric for the project."

"Neat. What's the project?

"Just basic figure drawing. Though it is fun, I'd rather be drawing my turtles." John joked with a smile.

"I still don't understand your obsession with those creatures." Laf replied, shaking his head.

"Don't judge me! They are amazing!" John replied. "Hey, who's that?" He asked, noticing someone who had just walked into the room. The guy had blonde almost white hair and seemed to have a shroud of arrogance surrounding him.

"I dunno." Laf shrugged. "He hasn't been in any of my other classes."

The guy ended up sitting in front of the two of them.

"Could his shirt be a brighter red?" John muttered to Laf. "His outfit's giving me a headache."

Laf giggled, but the guy seemed to have heard them, tipping back in his chair and hitting John's desk, making his papers spill over the floor.

"Oh, shoot!" John exclaimed, scrambling to pick them up.

Laf got down in the floor, helping his friend pick up his papers. There was one that he grabbed off the floor, and as soon as John saw he had it in his hand, he lunged at him. "Don't look at that!"

"What, this?" Laf teased, holding the paper in his hand. "Why, is it-oh." He stopped, looking at the paper. "You drew Alex?"

John looked down shamefully. "Please don't tell him."

"Why not? You told Herc I liked him when I asked you not to."

"Yeah, but I knew he liked you!" John replied, slightly panicked. "Alex isn't even interested in me."

Laf chuckled. "Relax, mon ami. I won't tell him. Those are some very good drawing skills you have, though. When'd you get time to draw him? You guys seem to hang out all the time, I don't get when you'd be able to draw him without having him look over your shoulder."

John's face flushed red. "He had fallen asleep on the couch...and he looked so peaceful...and really cute...and I couldn't help but draw him."

Laf grinned. "Alex? Asleep? When was the last time that happened?"

John chuckled. "I know, right? He finally fell asleep when I took his computer away. I practically had to wrestle it out of his hands. I turned around five minutes later and he was snoring on the couch."

"It's good that he's getting some sleep." Laf replied.

"Yeah. Now all I gotta do is limit his amount of coffee, which would be a lot easier if the coffee shop he goes to wouldn't give him free refills…"

"That sounds like your problem, not mine." Laf said as class ended.

"Thanks." John replied sarcastically. "Well, see you later. It's movie night at our dorm tonight, remember?"

"Got it. See you tonight." Laf said, grabbing his bag and leaving the classroom. It was nice to have a chat with John. He had been hanging out with Alex so much lately, Laf didn't have time to hang out with his friend. _Math next. I hope it goes just as well as history did._

 **Wow. I didn't think I'd get chapter four done today, but I did! Thanks for all the reviews I've gotten so far, they make my day! Please review and I'll see you all next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

Math, unfortunately, was very uneventful. Laf almost fell asleep multiple times during the class while the teacher went on about what they'd be covering during the first semester. In fact, he was pretty sure he did fall asleep, because before he knew it class was done and everyone was filing out of the classroom.

Drowsily, he grabbed his bag and headed out across campus back to his dorm. Classes were done for the day, and Herc's classes would be done soon. They would be able to spend the rest of the day together until it was time for the movie.

Laf smiled at that thought. He was halfway across the green by now. What class is Herc in right now? He thought. I can meet him over there. He took out his phone and sent a quick text to his boyfriend.

After a few seconds, he received a text. 'I'm in advanced costume making rn. Why?'

'I was gonna meet you there. Class is almost done for you, right?'

'Yeah. Gotta go, teacher doesn't want us using our phones in class.'

Laf started walking over to the sewing classroom when a shadow appeared behind him. He sighed, knowing who it was. Can't Thomas leave me alone?

"You're done with classes, right? Why are you going that way?" Thomas asked.

"Because," Laf replied. "I'm going to go meet Herc."

"Who? Ooooooh. Him." Thomas replied. "Marie, I'm so much better than him though!"

"As if." Laf muttered. "How about you go find James? And quit calling me Marie."

"Why would I want to go find James?"

"I don't know, maybe because he's your friend?"

"He's busy right now. That gives us time to go do something!" Thomas replied, wrapping his arm around Laf's waist and pulling him in another direction, away from Herc's class.

"Let go of me!" Laf exclaimed, trying to push Thomas away.

"Marie, why would I want to do that?"

"I don't care if you don't want to or not, let go of me!"

"Come on, let's head back to my dorm." Thomas ignored Laf, pinching his side, warning him not to argue.

Laf let out a yelp of pain as they walked farther away from Herc's class. I told him I was going to meet him after class. _If I'm not there, he'll realize something's wrong. Right?_ He took in a shallow breath. _No, I can get out of this by myself. I don't need someone's help all the time._

With a split-second decision he kicked Thomas's leg, causing him to release his grip from around Laf.

Laf shouldered his bag and started running towards the building Herc had his class in. Thomas started following him a few seconds later, now over the shock of being kicked.

Laf made it to the door breathing hard just as Herc was walking out.

"Laf? What's wrong?" Herc asked. "You look like you just sprinted a mile-oh." He said, seeing Thomas running towards them. "Hey!" He yelled at him. "How many times do I have to tell you to back off?"

"I'm not going to listen to you." Thomas sneered.

"Well, you better," Herc said, standing protectively in front of Laf. "He doesn't want to be with you, and you need to get that in your head!"

Thomas glared at him, then seemingly decided it wasn't worth arguing with Herc, walking away.

Laf choked back a sob.

"Laf, what'd he do? It's okay, you can tell me. He's gone now." Herc pulled Laf into a hug. Laf hugged him back gratefully, burying his face in his boyfriend's chest, shuddering while letting out silent sobs. Herc rubbed his back gently. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Laf nodded. "Can-can we go back to the dorm?"

"Yeah. Are you hurt?" Herc asked, picking his bag up off of the ground.

"N-no…" Laf stuttered out as Herc wrapped his arm around Laf's shoulder. The two of them began the walk back to their dorm.

"That's good, at least." Herc replied. "Hey, what do you want for lunch?" He asked, changing the subject to try to get Laf's mind off of things.

"What do we have?" Laf replied quietly.

"Well, we have some leftovers from the dinner with the Schuylers the other night, but we also have stuff for grilled cheese, so if you want me to make that I can, or we could just have salads, we have stuff for that too."

"Do we have ham for the grilled cheese?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Can we have that, then?" Laf asked, his voice still barely above a whisper.

"Of course we can."

"Thank you…"

"Are you sure everything's alright?" Herc asked, concerned. "You're being really quiet."

"I-I just get really nervous whenever I have a run-in with Thomas...it's not a big deal."

"It sounds like it might be a bigger problem than what you think, Laf." Herc replied. "I'm just trying to help."

"I know you're just trying to help." Laf sighed. "I just feel like I rely too much on other people, that I can't do anything for myself. I don't like feeling that way. It's pathetic."

"You're not pathetic." Herc replied as they walked into the dorm. "If you need help with something, please don't be afraid to ask me, okay?" He threw his bag on the couch. "Now, let's make some grilled ham and cheese, 'kay?"

Laf attempted a small smile. "Okay," he replied, getting the ham, cheese, and butter out of the fridge. "Thanks so much."

"No problem." Herc replied, smiling back, though he had a million worries racing through his head. _Is he really alright? I know he said he was but he seems so scared. What did Thomas ever do to make him like this?_ Shaking the thoughts away, he grabbed the bread out of the pantry, buttering the sides and placing them down on the griddle, putting multiple layers of cheese and ham on both.

"So, do you have much homework?" Herc asked, flipping the sandwiches.

"No," Laf replied, setting the table. "How about you?"

"I've gotta come up with a design for that costume class...do you think you could help?"

"I don't think so...I'm not very good at designing clothes…"

"Well, we have to make the outfit too. I was thinking you could model it!"

"Oh. Well, I guess I could?"

"Thanks Laf!" Herc replied, grinning. "Don't worry, it won't be something ridiculous!"

"Good." Laf replied, a genuine smile on his face.

Herc took the grilled cheese off the griddle, putting two on each plate. "Here you go!" He said, turning off the burner and sliding into his seat at the table.

"This is really good, Herc." Laf said, taking a bite. "Thank you."

"Thank you. I'm not an expert cook for nothing!"

"An expert cook in the art of making grilled cheese, maybe." Laf replied, smiling.

"Exactly." Herc replied. "Now, let's go brainstorm for that design, okay?"

Laf grinned. "Okay."

 **Hello! This will probably be the last chapter for this week, but I'll have another one up by next week! Thanks for all the reviews I've received so far, I hope to see more soon! See you all next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

Coming up with a design wasn't as easy as Laf thought it was.

"So, why do you need me to model it?"

"Well, for starters, it's easier to make a costume or outfit for someone other than myself. Number two, I'm going to need someone to model it anyway. Why, I don't know. It's just what the teacher wanted."

"Huh. So is there a certain theme or something you have to do?"

"Yeah. Some sort of war uniform. I was thinking revolutionary war."

"You're gonna make me wear something outdated? How dare you!" Laf exclaimed, teasing. "I want something stylish!"

Herc chuckled. "Relax, I'll make it plenty stylish." He said, sketching something out. "Here, I'll even add epaulets!"

"Agh, no!" Laf said, trying to snag the pencil from Herc's hand.

"Hey, this is plenty stylish!" Herc said, moving the pencil out of Laf's reach and finishing up the design. "There. Now I need to take your measurements." He continued, grabbing his tape measure from the desk drawer. "It'll only take a few minutes. Can you please stand up?"

Laf stood up, then pushed his chair back into place.

"Height first. Can you step on this to hold it down, please?" Herc asked, gesturing to the tape measure. "Thanks." He continued, taking the measurements and jotting them down. "Now across the arms." He said as Laf spread his arms out.

"Alright. Can you keep your arms up so I can get chest and waist measurements?" He pulled the measuring tape around Laf's waist, noticing Laf shudder when his hand brushed his hip. "Sorry!" Herc replied quickly.

"You're-you're fine." Laf replied, trying to dismiss it. _Herc won't hurt me. Why do I keep acting like this? He's nothing like Thomas!_

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Herc looked at Laf, worried. "Okay. If you need to talk though…" He drifted off.

"O-okay…" Laf stuttered.

"I do need to take your chest measurements, though. Can you raise your arms again?"

"Yeah," he murmured, raising his arms as Herc took the measurements, who was trying to be more careful as to not touch Laf.

"We're done for now." He said, writing down the final measurements.

"Okay." Laf replied, sitting back down in the chair. "Sorry…" he whispered.

Herc looked at him, confused. "Sorry for what?"

"For freaking out when you touched me…"

"First of all, that wasn't freaking out." Herc replied. "Second of all, you have nothing to be sorry for." He continued gently. "I don't know what Thomas did to you to have you be so scared at the slightest touch from someone," he said as Laf seemed to look at him fearfully, "and I'm not saying you have to tell me." Laf immediately seemed to relax.

"I don't try to get so scared...I know you would never hurt me, but I can't help it…" Laf said as a few tears dropped down his face. "Please don't hate me…" he whimpered.

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because I've seen that you want to hug me or just lightly kiss me to show you care and I'm not letting you…"

Herc sighed. "I would never hate you, for that reason or any other. Ever." He said. "I respect you and I respect what you want."

"Thank you…" Laf replied, sniffling.

"I don't know what you're thanking me for, I didn't do anything." Herc said. "But you're welcome."

Laf gave Herc a small smile. "I'm thanking you for being here with me, and listening to me, and protecting me from Thomas."

"You're welcome." Herc replied, smiling. "I love you."

Laf grinned. "Love you too."

"Good." Herc replied. "Do you think we should start getting ready for movie night?"

"Yeah, I guess. What do you think we should bring tonight?"

"Maybe that seven layer dip that you're really good at making?" Herc suggested. "I know everyone liked it the last time you made it."

"Okay, I guess I'll get started on that then." Laf said, getting out of the chair.

"Do you want some help?"

"Sure, I guess." Laf shrugged as Herc followed him to the kitchen.

Herc got the ingredients out while Laf got started. It took a while to prepare the dip, and before they knew it, it was time to meet Alex and John at their dorm for the movie.

Laf quickly snagged a bag of chips from the cupboard, then the two of them walked down the hallway to the dorm.

John opened the door, grinning. "What time is it?"

"Showtime!" Laf and Herc replied, hearing Alex shout it from the living room as well.

The two of them walked in, and Laf set the chips and dip on the counter.

"Is that your seven layer dip?" John asked. Laf nodded. "Yes!" John exclaimed. "I think I'm in love." He joked.

"Too bad." Herc stuck his tongue out. "He's mine."

Laf didn't appreciate how Herc said that. It made him sound like an object that was currently in his possession. Of course, he knew what Herc meant, but that didn't mean he liked it.

Alex walked into the kitchen. "Are we moving the party into this room?"

John turned to face Alex. "No, we were gonna meet you out there in a second."

Laf looked between his two friends, getting an idea. _He's never going to work up the courage to ask Alex out!_ He thought hopelessly. _He's too shy. I need to give him a shove in the right direction._ He pressed his hands against John's back quickly, causing John to stumble and have his lips meet perfectly with Alex's.

Alex stumbled backwards a little, but stopped himself, catching John as well before either of them could realize what was happening.

Alex slowly began to deepen the kiss, starting to run his hand through John's curly mop of brown hair when John pulled away.

 _He pulled away. Why did he pull away?_ Alex thought, worried. _Did he not like it? Did I misread the situation?_ He glanced up at John who was looking at him fearfully. "Sorry!" John exclaimed. "I am so sorry, I didn't try to, Laf shoved me, I-I…"

Alex glared at Laf, only to receive a glare from Herc.

"Hey, you're okay." Alex replied. "I'm not mad. How about we get the pizza in the oven, and then we can all start the movie?"

"Alright…" John whispered, flustered from the kiss. "That sounds good…"

 **Hi guys! Here's chapter six for you, and we're getting into the Lams section! I'll try to come up with a more regular schedule, but you can expect at least one more chapter this week! I love seeing all your reviews. See you next chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

After about fifteen minutes of arguing, they finally decided on one of the Harry Potter movies.

"I still think we should've watched Star Wars." Herc muttered as the movie began to play.

"Shh!" Alex and John exclaimed.

Laf grinned, snuggling closer to Herc.

Herc smiled, glad that Laf was next to him. _I'm so glad he's trusting me_. He thought happily. He slowly put his arm around Laf's shoulders. _If he doesn't like it, I'll stop, but since he's leaning into me, I assume it's fine._

Laf seemed wary of Herc's arm at first, but slowly relaxed into his arms, sighing contently.

John was on the edge of the couch next to Alex, sitting rigidly. _Why would Laf do that? He stressed. Alex probably hates me now. I don't even have a shot with him after that!_

The oven beeped and Alex kept off the couch. "Pizza's ready!"

"Don't drop it in the oven like you did last time." Herc said as Alex made his way to the kitchen.

"That was one time!" He shouted, emerging a few minutes later while balancing four plates of pizza. "I can grab pop for you guys too, what do you want?"

"Do we have Mountain Dew?" John asked.

"John, you don't need Mountain Dew at this time of night. You act like a hyperactive three year old with that stuff."

"Fine mom." John mocked. "Do we have root beer?"

"Yeah. Laf, Herc, what do you want?"

"I'll take Dr. Pepper, if you have it." Herc said.

"Do you have Sprite?" Laf asked.

"Yes to both of those." Alex replied. "I'll be back with your drinks in a second." He reemerged a few later, carefully holding all their drinks. "Here you go."

He sat back down on the couch, closer to John than he had been previously. _John hasn't been talking much...did the kiss upset him?_ Alex thought nervously. _Does he hate me because I kissed him back? He said Laf shoved him into me, so he didn't want to kiss...did I just ruin our friendship?_

The movie ended and it was getting late. Everyone had early classes the next day, so Herc and Laf decided to go back to their dorm. "Bye guys!" Alex said, shutting the door behind them. He turned to John. "Hey, do you want to play a game of cards before bed?"

"I-I, uh…" _He's talking to me, so he doesn't hate me._ John thought. "Yeah, sure…"

"Great!" _At least he's talking to me_. "I'll go get the cards." He went to his room, coming out a minute later with a deck of cards in his hand. "What do you want to play?"

"Whatever you want…" John muttered.

"John, what's wrong? You're not usually this quiet."

"I don't want you to hate me…"

"John, I don't hate you. It's not your fault." Alex sighed. "Do you hate me?"

"No...why would I?"

"Because I didn't realize the kiss was an accident. I kissed you back, and when you pulled away...I messed up, didn't I?"

"N-no...I just didn't know how else to react…"

"So we've established that neither of us hate each other?"

John smiled. "I suppose so." He was silent for a moment. "So what card game do you want to play?"

"We could play kings on the corners. Have you played that before?"

"Yeah." John nodded. The two of them sat at the table as Alex dealt out the cards.

"You said that I didn't mess up...does that mean you wanted to kiss?" Alex asked, thinking back to their conversation.

John looked down in silence, blushing profusely.

"John?"

"Y-yes…" He whispered. "But you don't like me...so I get it if you're mad."

Alex looked at him. "John, you could never be more wrong." He leaned across the table, grasping his friend's hands. "I like you a lot." He leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on John's lips.

He leaned back. "Sorry...I should've asked you first if that was alright…"

"No, you're...you're fine…" John said, blushing. "I-I didn't realize you liked me…"

"Hey, it's okay," Alex replied, brushing some curls out of John's face. "Now, let's play that card game."

 **Hi guys! Sorry this chapter is shorter and more of a filler, I'll have a longer chapter out later this week! Hope to see more reviews!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Why did you do that?" Herc yelled when they were back in the dorm.

Laf jumped at Herc's yelling. "Do what?"

"Push John into Alex!" He exclaimed. "What if you ruined their friendship over that? What if they hate you now because of that?"

"Neither of them seemed mad," Laf replied. "Besides, John was never going to make a move anyway if I hadn't helped."

"Okay, that was probably not the best way you could have helped him. Secondly, what do you mean, he was never going to make a move? Why, exactly, would he need to?"

"I found out the other day that John has a crush on Alex." Laf shrugged, sitting on the couch. "You've seen the way he looks at Alex, and you've seen the way Alex looks at him! Both of them were too shy to ask each other, so I just helped them."

Herc smiled at Laf, relaxing. "You're right. Thanks to you, they're probably making out right now."

"See? I'm amazing."

"I can agree with you on that. You definitely are amazing." Herc replied.

"Thank you!" Laf replied, grinning.

 _God, his smile is amazing._ Herc thought, looking at Laf thoughtfully. "You should smile more often." He said, collapsing on the couch next to Laf.

Laf leaned his head against his boyfriend's shoulder. "I'll try…" he said. "Herc...I'm tired…"

"Yeah, it's getting kind of late." He turned to look at Laf, who had already fallen asleep leaning against him. Herc chuckled softly. "Goodnight, Love." He said gently, slowly laying Laf down as to not wake him up, then heading off for bed himself.

* * *

"Alex, it's two in the morning. Put your computer away." John said. He had woken up to see an electronic light coming from Alex's side of the room.

"But-but I have to write this!"

John got up and drowsily made his way across the room, closing the computer. "Sleep. You have plenty of time to write."

Alex sighed. "But I NEED to write."

John sat next to him, the bed sinking under the two of their weights. "Why do you need to write? Take a break and go back to sleep. You're gonna be dead tired in the morning if you don't."

"I'm writing because I can't sleep. I need to write this down, to get it out of my head so I can calm down enough so I actually can sleep."

John pulled some of Alex's hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. "Do you want to talk?"

"No...you're right, I probably should get to sleep…"

"Good," John kissed Alex lightly on the cheek, then crossed the room back to his bed. "'Night, Alex."

The only thing that he heard back was soft snoring. He chuckled softly to himself. _So much for him saying he was unable to sleep._

He pulled his covers back over himself and fell back into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Why does it smell like something's burning?" John asked, walking into the kitchen, seeing a flood of smoke covering the floor. It was a shock the fire alarm hadn't gone off.

"I was trying to make breakfast!" Alex wailed.

John walked over to the window, opening it so the smoke could get out. "Are you sure you weren't trying to set our room on fire?"

"No, I was trying to make cinnamon rolls and then...then the cinnamon rolls fell into the oven…"

"Alex, this is why you don't cook."

"But I wanted to do something special!" Alex replied.

John smiled, kissing Alex's forehead. "And while that is very sweet of you, Alex, I would rather not wake up engulfed in flames."

Alex pouted. "Fine, you make breakfast then."

"I will," John replied, getting out the pan. "How does scrambled eggs sound?"

"It sounds fine, thanks." Alex said, sitting at the table.

After a short amount of time John had the eggs made and brought a plate over to Alex. "Here you go."

"Thanks, John." He was silent for a moment, lost in thought. "So...are we dating now?"

"I guess." John shrugged. "Like, if you want it to be official or something we could go out tonight. But if you don't want everyone to know we can just keep it secret. Whatever you want."

"We can go out tonight." Alex replied, nodding. "I would enjoy that a lot. What time would you want to leave at?"

"We could leave around five and be back by seven or eight, if that works for you."

"Okay," Alex said, putting his plate in the sink. "I've gotta get to my advanced writing class, so I'll see you tonight!" He exclaimed, grabbing his bag and pouring himself a cup of coffee before heading out the door.

* * *

Herc walked out of his room to see that Laf was still asleep on the couch. He smiled to himself. _He's so cute when he's sleeping._ He thought, getting out the ingredients for french toast to surprise his boyfriend. He deserves something special, yesterday was kind of rough for him.

Laf awoke a little later, surprising Herc when he hugged him from behind, wrapping his arms around his chest. "Good morning, mon amour." Laf said. "What are you making?"

"French toast." Herc replied. "You do like it, don't you?"

"I like the way it's made in France, but Americans are always messing up the French food. You better make sure it tastes exactly like it does in France!" Laf teased, pecking Herc on the cheek.

Herc smiled, a faint blush appearing on his face. "Don't worry, I'll make sure it tastes better than the french toast in France."

"It better!"

"What's your first class today?"

"I have government class today. It's boring." Laf groaned at the thought.

"Hey, that's what I have too." Herc replied. "I'm glad we have at least one class together."

"Yay, with you I hopefully won't die of boredom!"

"I'll try to make sure you don't die. Can you get the plates?" Herc asked, finishing up with the toast.

"Yeah," Laf replied, pulling the plates down from the cupboard and holding them out for Herc to put the toast on. "Thanks for making this."

"Of course. Now you just need to tell me how good it is."

Laf took a bite. "It's pretty good. It could be a bit more sweet, but it's not bad."

"Good." Herc replied.

The two of them sat mostly in silence while they finished their breakfast, trying to eat quickly because they had to be at class soon.

"Are you ready to go?" Laf asked, grabbing his bag.

"Yeah," Herc replied, putting his and Laf's plates in the sink, then grabbing his bag from off of the floor. "Let's get to class."

 **Yeah, this was more of another filler chapter, but I promise things will get more interesting soon! Also: WOW 500 VIEWS WHAT HAPPENED**

 **But seriously that's awesome that so many people are liking this. I hope to see more reviews guys, you all are awesome! I'll see you next chapter!**


	9. Chapter 9

John finished up with his breakfast and put his plate in the sink. _Where could we go on our date tonight?_ He thought as he grabbed his bag and started walking to his statistics class, which was relatively close to the dorm. _I should probably research some restaurants that we could go to._

He pushed open the door to his classroom and took a seat right in the middle. _Perfect. I'm not too far back so I'll still be able to focus, but I hate being up front because then the teacher always stares at you. It pays to be early_. He took out his sketchbook and began working on his art project.

"What are you drawing?" Someone behind him asked, almost in a mocking tone.

John turned around to see it was the guy from history, the one that wore the bright red shirt. Today he had added accessories of multiple golden chains around his neck and wrists.

"Could you wear anything more obnoxious?" John replied, annoyed. "It's giving me a headache."

"It's called fashion, look it up."

"Is that a note to self?" John asked. "Because it sure looks like you need it."

The guy looked about ready to punch John when another kid walked up behind him. "George, come on. Where do you wanna sit?"

"Sorry, Sam." He replied. "I got distracted." He shot a glare at John. "Let's sit in the back."

 _God, that guy is annoying_. John thought, going back to his drawing. I _swear, if he's in any of my other classes I'm going to go insane_!

The teacher finally walked in, and John reluctantly put away his sketchbook, replacing it with his notebook.

 _I hate this stupid class. When am I going to use this?_

The class dragged on slowly and John was relieved when it was done. _I only have one class today, don't I? I can go back and start planning for tonight!_

When he arrived back at the dorm, he pulled out his computer and started searching up some nearby places. _Of course, we could go downtown. There would be more things to do._

He quickly did the homework that had been assigned for the night and then continued to research, knowing if he didn't do his homework then, he would forget about it. He found a relatively cheap Chinese place downtown that had good reviews. _This should work. With luck, we might have leftovers and I won't have to worry about Alex trying to burn the dorm down._

Alex walked into the room around four. "What are you doing here so early?"

"Are you not happy to see me?" John accused. "I only had one class today, and spent most of my afternoon trying to figure out where we should go tonight."

"Of course I'm happy to see you. I just wasn't expecting you to be here so early." Alex replied, walking over to John and putting his hands on his shoulders, trying to look at the computer screen. "So, where are we going tonight?"

"You'll have to wait and see." John replied, shutting the computer. "Do you have much homework?"

"Just an essay that I need to get done."

John sighed. "When is this essay due?

"Two weeks…" Alex replied.

"Fine. You have an hour, I won't stop you." John said. "Just don't overwork yourself."

"I won't!" Alex replied, heading to his room.

* * *

"Now are you going to tell me where we're going?" Alex asked. The two of them were in the car, heading downtown.

"Downtown. Does Chinese sound good?"

"You can afford Chinese?" Alex asked, receiving a light smack from John.

"Of course I can afford it. I have a job."

"I know, I was just teasing." Alex replied. "Why'd you hit me?"

"Because you were being stupid."

"How dare you insult me!"

"Oh, you're fine." John replied. "Quit whining." He teased. "Or I won't buy you food."

"Who was whining? I know I wasn't!" Alex replied.

"Okay," John smiled, glancing at Alex before turning his attention back to the road. "You just don't want to lose your chance at free food."

Alex grinned. "You know me too well."

"I do." John said. "I think the question you should be asking is whether that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"Good thing. Definitely a good thing." Alex replied as they pulled onto one of the busy streets of downtown.

"Here we are," John said, pulling into an empty spot and putting some coins into the meter. "Now, let's go eat, I'm hungry!"

The reviews John had read on the internet were correct, the restaurant had good food and was cheap.

"You found this place online?" Alex said through a mouthful of lo mein.

"Yeah, I'm quite impressed."

"Me too." Alex replied as the waiter came by with the check and fortune cookies. "Give me you cookie!" He yelled at John.

"Alex, calm down. You have your own cookie."

"But you should give me yours!"

"Why?"

"So then I can have two cookies!"

"Alex, you sound like a three year old. But fine, take it." John replied, passing the cookie to him.

"Yesssss." Alex replied, taking it.

John looked at him strangely. "Alex, are you okay?"

"Don't judge me! I just really like fortune cookies!"

"I'm not judging. Are you ready to leave?"

"Yeah, are we going back to the dorm or did you have something else planned?"

"No, we can go back to the dorm."

"Okay, I'll drive!"

"Alright."

After paying the two of them went out, trying to remember where the car was parked.

"It's over this way, isn't it?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, I think so-Alex, look at the turtles!" John exclaimed as they walked past a pet store.

Alex smiled. "Did you want to go and see if we can hold one?"

"Mmm...I want to...I don't think they'll let us though."

Alex shrugged. "Okay."

After about fifteen minutes of searching, they finally found the car and Alex jumped into the driver's seat. "John, do you have the keys?"

"Yeah, here." John replied, passing him the keys.

"Thanks," Alex replied as he pulled out of their parking spot and started driving back towards the school. "Thanks again for tonight."

"Yeah, of course." John replied. "Uh, Alex? Don't you think you should slow down? The light up there is yellow."

"Nah, it's fine, we can make it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, we're fine." Alex said as they were fast approaching the light.

"Alex, you should at least slow down…"

"I'm fine, relax." He replied, already halfway through the intersection.

"Al-" John started, but didn't get a chance to finish what he was going to say as a car from the intersecting street rammed into the side of theirs, causing their car to flip and land on the side of the road.

 **Hi...please don't hate me I promise I'll have another chapter out soon so you won't have to wait very long. I appreciate the reviews and hope to see more!**


	10. Chapter 10

Alex was shaking. What just happened? He thought, trying to process and assess the situation. _Okay...I'm upside down...it was a car crash...John!_

He quickly unbuckled, falling to the ceiling of the car. "John?" He said to his boyfriend, who was unmoving. "John!" He pulled him out of the seat and threw the car door open, getting John out of the car as well. "John! John wake up!" _Good job Alex. Why didn't you listen to him? He was right, I should've stopped._ "JOHN! John, please!" Alex sobbed. "I'm sorry...wake up, please."

Alex could hear sirens wailing. The paramedics had arrived.

"Excuse me, sir?" A young woman asked. "Can you please move so we can take him to the hospital?"

Alex slowly backed away from John, shaking uncontrollably from sobs.

"Sir, you can ride with him in the ambulance."

Alex nodded, climbing into the back of the vehicle with the lady and John strapped in on the bed. _Oh god, please be okay...John, I'm so sorry. Oh god, oh god…_ Alex ran his hands through his hair repeatedly.

"Excuse me?" The lady asked. "Sir, you're bleeding."

Alex looked down to see his jeans were ripped, blood from cuts on his legs seeping through and adding a red tint to the dark blue fabric.

"I don't care…"

"Sir, when we arrive at the hospital it's best to get that checked out. You might need stitches."

"I'll get myself taken care of after I know he's okay." Alex replied. _Please be okay…_

They arrived at the hospital and John was rushed in. Alex tried to follow but was stopped.

"You can't go in the room right now." A doctor said, hands on Alex's shoulder. "He needs to be stabilized. You can go in when he's stabilized. You should go get your leg checked out."

Alex sighed. _Fine, I'll go get my stupid leg checked out._

* * *

The cuts weren't deep enough for stitches and the doctor that Alex had gone to just wrapped his leg tightly with gauze. "Change that at least once a day." The doctor said.

Alex nodded to show he understood and went back up the the intensive care unit. John still wasn't awake. _We should've been back by now...shoot! Herc and Laf are going to be wondering where we are!_

Alex took out his phone, which now had a cracked screen and dialed Herc's number.

"Herc?"

"Alex!" Herc sounded relieved to hear his friend's voice. "Where are you?"

"At-at the hospital." Alex said, his voice cracking and his sobs renewing. "Car crash...John's unconscious…"

"We'll be right over." Herc replied. "We'll meet you in the lobby, okay?"

"O-okay…"

Herc set his phone down. "Laf, we gotta go. Get in the car."

"What's wrong?"

"Alex and John are at the hospital. I'll explain on the way."

Laf nodded, his eyes widening. What could've happened?

When they were on the road, Herc took a deep breath. "Alex and John got in a car crash. A really bad one, from what I could tell from Alex...he was crying. John's unconscious."

Laf took a sharp intake of breath. "What?"

"That's what Alex told me." Herc replied. "Alex said he'd meet us in the lobby. Come on." He continued, parking the car in front of the hospital. Laf rushed out of the car and Herc followed close behind.

Alex was standing in the lobby, his face tear-streaked.

Laf ran up to his friend and embraced him. "Mon ami, je suis tellement désolé! What happened?" _(My friend, I am so sorry)_

"It's all my fault," Alex sobbed, leaning into his friend. "I should've listened to him...now he might die and it's my fault. I should be dead…"

"No, you shouldn't. Whatever happened, you are not the only one at fault here." Laf replied soothingly.

"Yes I am! I shouldn't have tried to make it through that yellow light! He told me not to! I'm an idiot!" Alex yelled.

"Alex. Calm down. John will be okay." Herc replied.

"How do you know?"

"Because John can get through anything. You know this."

"O-okay…" Alex replied, glad at the little bit of hope his friends gave him.

"Mister Hamilton?" A doctor came walking up to him. "John Laurens is awake. Would you like to talk to him? We can only have one person in the room at a time currently, so your friends will have to wait if they want to see him." The doctor smiled apologetically at Laf and Herc.

Alex's eyes lit up. "Yes, I definitely want to talk to him." He replied. He raced into the room to see John hooked up to multiple machines. "John, I am so sorry!" Alex cried, sitting in a chair next to the bed. "I should've listened to you...you could've died because of me!"

John smiled weakly. "Hey...I'm okay…" He lifted his arm to brush some hair out of Alex's face, a thick bandage wrapped around his arm. "Calm down."

"How can I be calm? Why are you so calm?"

"Because you're here with me." John replied. "I'm okay. Neither of us are dead...and that's enough."

"Oh god...John, I'm sorry."

"I only have a few broken bones." John replied. "Plus, now you know to listen to me when I tell you something." He teased.

"I know...I should've listened to you...I was being stupid."

John looked at Alex, worried. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Really, I'm fine." He said. "I'll be released from the hospital in a few days. Go back home and get some rest, okay?"

"O-okay. Laf and Herc are here, did you want to talk with them?"

"Not tonight. One of the doctors gave me medicine for the pain, and it's making me kind of drowsy."

"Alright." Alex said, getting up. "I love you."

"I love you too." John replied. "Don't stay up until two in the morning writing, and don't forget to eat!" He said as Alex was leaving the room.

"I won't!" Alex shouted back.

He walked into the lobby. "Well? How is he?" Herc asked.

"He has a few broken bones...he doesn't blame me for anything. He said he's tired, he had some pain medicine that's making him drowsy, so if you want to talk to him you'll have to come back tomorrow."

"Okay," Laf said. "Did you need a ride back?"

"No, I'll take my own car-wait…" he sighed. "Yes, I would like a ride home."

"Alright," Laf said as they walked out towards the car. "Don't worry, mon ami, everything will be okay."

"Yeah…" _I sure hope so._

 **Here's chapter 10! Are you guys liking the frequent updates, or would you prefer I spaced them out more? I love to see your reviews, and I'll see you all next chapter!**


	11. Chapter 11

Goodnight, Alex." Laf said. Herc and Laf had walked with Alex to his dorm before heading to their own.

"'Night, guys." He said softly, shutting the door.

"Laf? Do you think he'll be alright?" Herc asked as they walked back to their dorm.

"Alex is strong. He'll be okay." Laf replied as they walked into their dorm.

"You sure?"

"Of course I am sure. He told us John said doesn't blame him, which already makes the situation better, doesn't it? John doesn't blame him."

Herc shrugged. "I suppose."

Laf looked at the clock. "How is it already ten?"

"We had a busy night." Herc replied. "Goodnight, Laf. I'm heading to bed. Don't forget we still have classes tomorrow."

"Goodnight." Laf said before going to his room.

* * *

Alex sighed, collapsing on the couch. _How is it possible that he doesn't blame me for that?_ He pulled his computer out and began typing. _I'll have to watch the time...I told John I wouldn't stay up so late…_

After an hour he reluctantly put his computer away, then went to his room and collapsed on his bed, instantly falling into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

He woke up the next morning and saw a text from John.

'They'll be letting me out of the hospital later today, do you think you can pick me up?'

'Yeah.' Alex texted back. 'I can do it after classes, though I'll have to ask Herc and Laf if I can borrow their car.'

'Right. Okay, thanks. Love you.'

'Love you too.' Alex texted back. He climbed out of bed and grabbed some frozen waffles out of the freezer, popping them into the toaster and then starting the coffee pot. _It's so quiet without John…_ Alex thought. _At least he'll be back later today._

The waffles popped out of the toaster and Alex put them on his plate, covering them in syrup and sat down with his coffee mug in hand. _I have debate class today, don't I?_ Alex realized. _Finally, something fun._

He shoveled the waffles down and poured another cup of coffee into his travel mug, then began the trek across campus to debate.

Alex walked in, taking a seat in the front when he had an unpleasant surprise walk through the door. _Thomas Jefferson is in this class with me? Wonderful._

Jefferson spotted Alex and stalked over, slamming his hands on the desk. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, what's it look like?" Alex replied, rolling his eyes. "I'm here for class."

"You're just an immigrant. Shouldn't you be learning to drive garbage trucks or something?" Jefferson spat. "Oh wait, I forgot. You can hardly drive a car."

"I can drive a car perfectly well." Alex growled.

"Really?" Jefferson smirked. "Then what was that whole story about you going in the middle of an intersection, causing a huge crash? Yeah, that really sounds like you can drive a car just fine. Really, you should've died. It would've rid the world of one more incapable person."

Alex stood up, scowling. "Say that again."

"Gladly," Jefferson replied. "The world would've been better off with one less incapable immigrant." He said, staring directly at Alex.

Alex swung first, narrowly missing Jefferson as he stepped out of the way.

Thomas grabbed Alex, pulling him forward and making him roll over the top of the desk, falling to the floor. Alex tried to push himself off the floor, but Thomas kicked him in the side.

Alex let out a groan of pain.

"So you could handle a car crash but you can't handle this?" Jefferson taunted, throwing yet another punch.

"Enough with the car crash, for god's sake." Alex replied, pulling himself off the floor and lunging himself at Jefferson, managing to land a hit squarely on his jaw.

"For someone so small, you sure hit hard." Thomas said, rubbing his jaw. "So, what were you doing in that car anyway?" He said, if only to piss Alex off. "Were you trying to get yourself killed? Or were you trying to get Laurens killed?"

Alex clenched his fists. Thomas saw and continued.

"Because I bet he's really thanking you for it right now." He continued, scraping away at Alex's last bit of self control. "He's probably wishing he were dead, after dealing with such a horrible person like you."

Alex lost it. "Leave John out of this!" He screamed, lunging himself at Jefferson and yanking his hair, pulling him backwards.

"Ow, Hamilton, get off!" Thomas snarled as Alex continued to pull on his hair.

"You brought this on yourself." Alex replied, punching Jefferson.

Alex had loosened his grip by punching him, so Thomas took his chance and whirled around, shoving him to the floor. And that was when the teacher walked in.

"Gentlemen! What are you doing?" Alex was sprawled on the floor, with Jefferson standing over him, his fist raised menacingly over Alex. "Get in your seats! I will not tolerate messing around."

Alex scrambled up and sat in his seat. The teacher began going over what was expected in class, including being respectful, at which point he glared at Thomas and Alex.

Alex sighed. _Who does Jefferson think he is? Why would he say that? I would never hurt John…_ He clenched and unclenched his fists. _This is going to be a long day…_ He sat through class trying to pay attention to what Professor Washington was saying, but his thoughts kept going off in different directions for the rest of class.

As soon as class was done he raced out of the classroom, glad to be out of the same room as Thomas, and glad to be going to pick John up. He went over to Herc and Laf's dorm and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" He heard Herc yell.

Alex walked in to see Herc sitting on the couch, Laf curled up close to him. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"No," Herc shook his head. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah. Can I borrow your car? John's getting released from the hospital and needs to get picked up."

Herc and Laf seemed to glance at each other. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" Laf asked.

"What? Do you think I can't drive a car?" Alex exclaimed. "First Jefferson, now you?!"

"Alex, calm down," Herc replied. "You can borrow the car, okay?"

"Thank you." Alex replied, grabbing the keys off the counter and heading out the door.

He got to the hospital and saw John standing in the lobby with a big plastic boot on.

"So," Alex said, walking up to him. "What's broken?"

"A few toes, and my leg is sprained, so I'll be wearing the boot for the next few weeks."

"That's not too bad. Are you ready to go, then?"

"Yeah," John replied, leaning in and pecking Alex on the cheek. "Thanks for picking me up."

"No problem," Alex replied, grinning. "Let's go."

 **Here is chapter 11! So, I don't have this entire thing planned out, so if there's something you would like to see happen, PM me and I'll try to incorporate it in the story! I love seeing all you reviews, and I'll see you next chapter!**


	12. Chapter 12

"So," Alex started saying once they were driving down the road. "How was your stay at the hospital?"

"Boring," John replied. "How would you like sitting in a bed with nothing to do for fifteen plus hours?"

"You're right, that does sound horrible." Alex replied, pulling into the parking lot by the dorms. He got out and opened John's door for him.

"Thanks, Alex." John said, standing up.

Alex wrapped his arms tightly around John, burying his face in his boyfriend's chest while softly crying.

"Alex? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry for getting us into that crash...you shouldn't have gotten hurt because of me. I should've gotten hurt...no, I should've just died! I'm a horrible boyfriend…"

John pulled Alex into a hug, rubbing his back gently and speaking in a soothing tone. "Don't say that. You're a wonderful person and I can't live without you," he kissed his forehead. "Please don't say that again."

The two of them walked up to the dorm, John walking awkwardly with his boot, but kept his arm wrapped around his boyfriend as Alex leaned into him, sniffling softly.

"I gotta go give Herc the car keys back." Alex said when they got up to the dorm. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay, Alex." John replied in acknowledgment.

Alex knocked on his friend's door, which was answered by Herc. "Hey. Is John doing okay?"

Alex handed the car keys to John. "Yeah, it's not anything too serious. His leg is sprained though, so he's stuck in a boot for the next few weeks."

"That's good at least. Can Laf and I come and say hi to him later, since we didn't get to see him yesterday?"

"You can come over right now, if you want."

"I would, but Laf's not here right now. He's at classes, and he's expecting me to be here when he gets back, so…"

"Okay, I get it." Alex replied. "Stop by whenever, then. We'll be home most of the day."

"Sounds good." Herc replied. "See you later."

"See ya." Alex said, leaving and heading to his dorm. He opened the door and saw John sitting on the couch, flipping aimlessly through the thousands of television channels. He sat down next to him, leaning onto his shoulder.

John wrapped his arm around his boyfriend and pulled him closer. Alex smiled faintly, sighing contently. "You're too cute." John said, brushing some hair out of Alex's face. "You know you're an amazing person, right?"

"I...I guess…" Alex mumbled. "I have doubts, though."

"Why?"

"Thomas said I should've died in the car crash...he said you were probably wishing you were dead because I'm such a horrible person…"

"You are not a horrible person." John said. "Why would you even listen to him?"

"I...I don't know...I guess, deep down, I'm afraid he's right." Alex said, snuggling closer to John.

"He's not right. He doesn't even know what he's talking about." John replied.

"Thanks, John. Oh, Herc and Laf are going to be coming over in a little bit. They wanted to see how you were doing."

"Alright," John said. "I love you."

"Love you too, John." Alex replied quietly.

"So, what do you want to do while we wait for Laf and Herc to show up?" John asked. Alex was unresponsive. "Alex? Alex, what are you-oh." John chuckled. _He's asleep. He really needs to stop staying up so late._ John leaned his head on Alex's falling asleep as well.

* * *

John woke up as Herc burst into the dorm. "Oh, hey, Herc. Where's Laf?"

"You mean you don't know where he is?!" Herc replied, frantic.

"He's missing?" John sat up, the movement causing Alex to wake up as well.

"Yeah, he was supposed to be back from class about half an hour ago. I've tried texting him multiple times but haven't heard anything!"

John and Alex both got up. "Do you know where he could be?" Alex asked.

"I-I don't know!" Herc exclaimed. "Unless Thomas did something to him…"

"Thomas Jefferson?" John replied. "Why would he do something to Laf?"

Alex looked at him. "They dated in high school, remember? Thomas never really got over the breakup."

"That's right…"

"Guys, you have to help me find him!" Herc panicked. "He starts to get upset if Thomas talks to him! Oh god, oh god…"

John put his hands on Herc's shoulders and looked him directly in the eye. "Hercules. Calm. Down." John said slowly. "We'll help you find Laf, okay?"

Herc nodded. "O-okay. Thank you…"


	13. Chapter 13

"So, where do you think he might be?" John asked.

"Well, there's always the possibility that Thomas did hurt him...could you two check at Thomas's dorm, and then I'll go check by Laf's classroom and see if he's there?"

"Yeah, sounds good Herc." Alex replied. "Don't worry, if Thomas is anywhere near Laf, I'll punch Jefferson into next year."

"Not if I get to him first." Herc replied. "If you find him, just let me know, okay? I'll have my phone on me."

"Alright. We've got ours too." Alex said, stuffing his phone in his pocket. "Come on, John. See you in a bit, Herc."

"See ya." Herc replied, leaving the room and heading to Laf's class. _At least he told me what his class was._ Herc thought gratefully.

Unfortunately, the class was a fifteen minute walk away, and Herc and never been a fast runner. _Why does the class have to be so far away?_ Herc chewed on his lip nervously. _Oh god, please let him be okay…_ He worried as he walked quickly across campus.

He stepped into the empty classroom. _Would he be in here?_ "Laf?" He said, his voice echoing against the walls. _God, it's creepy in here with the lights off._ "Laf?" _Nothing...could he have gone out the backdoor?_

He stepped out the door and behind the classroom. He turned his head and saw a flash of Jefferson's magenta coat turn around the corner of the building. His eyes drifted along the side of the wall, spotting Laf sitting on the ground, shaking violently.

"Laf? Laf, what'd he do?" Herc ran over to him. "Laf, what happened?"

"Don't...don't hurt me…" Laf choked out between sobs. "Please…"

"Laf, I'm not going to hurt you." Herc replied, his voice soft. "Ever."

Laf grabbed Herc's hand and squeezed tightly. Herc squeezed back gently, reassuring him that everything was alright.

"Herc...I want Thomas to leave me alone…"

"I know, I know." Herc replied gently. "What'd he do to you?"

Laf looked down. "You'll hate me."

"Why would I hate you for something he did to you?" Herc replied. "I won't hate you, okay? What happened?"

"W-well, I had decided to go out the back door of the classroom to try and avoid Thomas, since he had the same class with me. I didn't even realize he was following me…" Laf leaned into Herc, still crying. "He grabbed me and...and he kissed me...he wouldn't let me go...I hated it, Herc."

"He did what?!" Herc exclaimed, frightening Laf. "I'm not mad at you, I swear. I'm glad you told me though."

"I'm sorry…" Laf said quietly as Herc pulled him closer. "I didn't want to...I tried to get away from him but I'm so weak…"

"Hey. You are not weak. Don't think so low of yourself, Laf." Herc replied. "It's not your fault and I'm not mad. Okay?"

"How are you not mad?"

"Because I have no reason to be. You are not the one at fault here. I'm not going to get mad over something that you didn't have any control over. Now come on, we were going to go visit John and Alex, remember?" He said, hoping that visiting their friends would make Laf feel better.

"You really aren't going to hurt me?" Laf said, wary.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Laf." Herc replied, giving Laf his hand to help him stand. "I love you."

"That's what Thomas would say too…" Laf mumbled.

"Laf, I'm not Thomas. I'm not going to hurt you, okay?"

"Okay...I-I believe you." He had calmed down a bit, but he still had tears streaming down his face.

Herc gently wiped some of the tears away, giving Laf a small smile. "See? You're going to be okay."

Laf nodded, leaning into Herc as the two of them headed back towards the dorms.

They walked into John and Alex's dorm, the door having been left unlocked in their rush to search for Laf.

"Shoot. I've gotta text them and tell them I found you. They were helping me look for you."

"Alright…" Laf collapsed on the couch, hugging his knees while taking deep breaths. He was still trying to calm down.

When Herc sent the text we walked over to Laf and sat down on the couch next to him. "Are you okay?"

Laf shook his head no. "Sorry...I get freaked out for a while whenever something like this happens."

"You mean he's forced a kiss on you before?"

"Not necessarily...sometimes he just hurts me…"

"Do you want to talk?" Herc replied. "I just want to help."

"I-I know...but I'm not ready to talk to anyone yet...maybe some other time, alright?"

"Of course." Herc nodded understandingly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Thanks…" Laf replied, leaning his head against Herc's shoulder. "Thank you for getting Thomas away from me…"

"Yeah," Herc replied. "I'm just sorry I didn't get there sooner."

"It's o-"

"Is everyone okay?!" John ran into the room, Alex closely following.

"John, chill out. There's no need to yell." Herc replied. "Laf is not okay, but he's doing better now. At least I think he is."

"Yeah, I'm doing a little better." Laf replied. "Thanks for looking for me, you guys."

"So, was it Thomas?" Alex asked.

"Y-yeah…" Laf stuttered out.

"Dammit! I shoulda beat him up when he ran past us, John!"

"Alex, calm down." John replied. "Are you hurt, Laf?"

"No," Laf said, shaking his head. "What happened to your leg?"

"Sprained it." John said. "So, do you guys want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah." Herc said. "That sounds like something we all need."


	14. Chapter 14

**Trigger warning for mentions of physical abuse**

After finishing the movie and a pillow fight, Laf and Herc headed back to the dorm.

Herc glanced at Laf. "Doing better?"

Laf attempted a small smile. "Yeah."

"Alright. Goodnight, Hun. I'll see you in the morning." Herc gave Laf a gentle hug and went to bed.

Laf collapsed on his bed. "Goodnight." He whispered quietly before falling off to sleep.

* * *

 _"Where have you been the past hour? You were supposed to come straight here after school!" Thomas scolded._

 _"I-I needed help with my English homework," Laf replied quietly. "Alex came over to my house for a bit to help me…"_

 _"Uh-huh. You expect me to believe he was at your house for an hour helping you with English? What were you really doing?"_

 _"I told you, he was helping me with homework!" Laf replied, eyes glistening. "Don't you believe me?"_

 _"I don't know how I'm supposed to believe you when you're inviting other guys to your house and doing god-knows-what with them!" Thomas walked over to his desk and pulled an item out of the top drawer._

 _"I'm-I'm not doing ANYTHING with Alex, or any other guys for that matter! Why can't I hang out with my friends? You hang out with James all the t-"_

 _"SHUT UP!" Thomas roared, freezing Laf in place. "That's better," He continued, wrapping his hands around Laf's waist and placing a cold kiss on his forehead. "I'm doing this so you can learn what happens when you hang out with those 're a bad influence. It's for your own good." He revealed a small pocket knife in his hand, the blade flipped open as he slid his hand under Laf's shirt and quickly pulled the knife along Laf's waist._

 _"T-Tom...please stop…" Laf cried._

 _Thomas made three more cuts, then kissed Laf again. "Don't betray me, okay? I don't want to see you with those guys again."_

 _Laf nodded, the tears streaming now, as red beads of blood formed on his waist._

 _"Good. I love you."_

 _Laf choked back a sob._ This doesn't feel like love.

* * *

"Laf? Laf, wake up!"

Laf blinked his eyes open to see Herc standing over him. "Herc?"

"Oh my god, are you okay? You were crying so I came over here to see what was going on but you were asleep and then you started muttering things...I've been trying to wake you up for ten minutes." Herc said in a rush.

"It-it's fine…I'm okay…"

"Obviously you're not. You don't just start sobbing in your sleep because of "nothing". Look, you're still crying." Herc noticed, brushing some tears away. "You scared me."

"It was a dream...of something that happened a while ago...that's it." Laf said quietly, leaning into Herc.

"Did it have to do with Thomas?"

"Y-yeah…" Laf whimpered.

Herc wrapped his arms around Laf, pulling him in close. "I'm right here, okay? You're gonna be okay."

Laf nodded, relaxing in Herc's arms. "Please don't leave me…"

"I'm not going to, okay?" Herc assured.

"O-okay…" Laf murmured before drifting off to sleep.

Herc smiled softly. "I love you." He whispered before falling asleep next to him.

* * *

Laf woke up to see Herc next to him, his arms wrapped around him. _He stayed here all night with me?_ Laf smiled softly, breathing in the warm air that surrounded them. Laf moved closer to him, the blankets enveloping both of them.

Herc blinked his eyes open. "Good morning," he said quietly. "Did you sleep better than you had been before you woke up in the middle of the night?"

"Yeah. Thank you." Laf replied, his voice equally as quiet. "Thanks for waking me up…"

"No problem. I wish I could've done it sooner though. You just wouldn't wake up."

"It's fine. It's not your fault. I've always been difficult to wake up."

"Alright. You just scared me."

"Sorry...what time did you wake up at?"

"I think it was around one thirty." Herc replied. "Do you want to get out of bed?"

"Not really…" Laf mumbled. "It's really warm, and I feel safe right here."

He feels safe next to me! That's good, right? "Okay," Herc said, pulling Laf towards him. "It's a Saturday, we can stay here as long as you want."

Laf curled up next to Herc. "I think I might like that."

"Alright. I do need you to try on the jacket and undershirt for that outfit today though, okay? I want to make sure it fits."

"Isn't that why you took measurements?"

"Well, yeah, but sometimes things are still too small or big, so I want to see it on you just in case."

"Okay, I'll try it on later. Is that fine?"

"Yeah, it's good."

"Hey, why do you wear that beanie all the time?" Laf asked. "I've been wondering for a while."

"Huh? Oh, it's actually one of the first things I made...it's kinda stupid but I like to wear it. It's like a personal trophy."

"It's not stupid. It's cute." Laf said, grabbing it and pulling it over Herc's eyes.

"Hey!" Herc exclaimed, pulling it back up. "Why'd you do that?"

Laf grinned. "Because I wanted to."

"You little-you know what, whatever. As long as you're smiling I'm fine with it." Herc replied, grinning as well. "Your smile is perfect."

"I guess…"

"No, really. I wish you would smile more often."

"Oh. I'll try."

"That's a good start." Herc replied.

"Yeah...I guess it is."

"Do you want breakfast? I don't know about you but I'm getting hungry."

"Sure," Laf replied. "Crepes?"

"Yeah. You're going to have to remind me how to make them, though."

"Okay," Laf leaned in and gave Herc a light kiss on the cheek. "Let's go make them, then."

 _He kissed me! He actually kissed me!_ Herc's face flushed a light pink. He pulled back the covers as the two of them climbed out of the bed.

Laf got the stuff out and began making the crepes as Herc stood awkwardly to the side, not sure how to help.

"Done!" Laf exclaimed a while later. He plated the crepes and passed a plate to Herc.

"Thanks Laf." Herc replied, grabbing it. "You make the best food."

"I'm not sure about that." Laf replied. "But thank you."

Herc bit into one of the crepes. "Yep, they're amazing!"

Laf gave Herc a small smile, taking a bite of his own crepe. "Yeah, I guess they're pretty good…"

Herc looked at him curiously. "We both know they're amazing. Just take credit for it. You don't have to be so modest all the time."

"Okay," Laf shrugged, finishing up with his food. "You said you wanted me to try on those clothes?"

"Yeah, just a second." Herc grabbed his and Laf's plate and put it in the sink. He went into his room and emerged with frilly clothing that looked like it had come directly out of the seventeen hundreds.

"That's what I have to wear?"

"Laf, all the other models will be wearing just as dorky clothing, possibly even more so, than this. Just put it on."

"Fine." Laf grabbed the outfit and went into his room. He emerged a few minutes later. "Herc?"

"I'm in my room!"

Laf walked in. "Is it supposed to be crushing my lungs?"

"It's not that bad. However, I can see that both the shirt and the jacket are tight across the chest...can you take it off? It'll only take me a few minutes to fix it."

"I guess…" Laf took the jacket off, almost reluctantly, then pulled the shirt over his head. "Here," Herc walked up to him to take the articles of clothing.

"Thanks," Herc replied, trying to avoid looking at Laf's bare chest. "Laf? What happened to your waist?"

"N-nothing!" Laf replied, sounding fearful.

"Laf, you didn't do this to yourself, did you?" Herc asked, looking at the multiple scars crisscrossing his waist.

Laf shook his head no.

"Did Thomas do this to you?"

Laf nodded slowly, a few tears running down his face.

"Oh, Hun," Herc embraced him and Laf rested his head on Herc's shoulder. "When?"

"Senior year…"

"Shh, it's okay, Laf." Herc replied. "Thanks for telling me."

Laf made small whimpering noises as he softly cried.

"Hey, I'm right here. You're not going to get hurt." Herc said gently, trying to comfort Laf.

Laf nodded, leaning into Herc.

"How about we go sit down, okay?"

"O-okay." Laf mumbled as Herc sat down on the bed, pulling Laf down with him.

"I love you," Herc whispered in Laf's ear.

"L-love you too…"


	15. Chapter 15

They sat there for a while, neither of them talking. Herc played with some of Laf's curls that had fallen out of his bun as Laf buried his face in Herc's chest, breathing heavily.

Finally, Herc broke the silence. "Are you okay?"

"I-I don't know…" Laf said quietly. "I'm sorry…"

"I don't know what you're sorry for."

"For not telling you all of this right away…"

"Laf. That is not something you have to be sorry for." Herc replied. "I'm not mad, and I'm not upset. I don't hate you. You didn't want to tell me, and that's okay."

"R-really?"

"Yeah. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"Thanks…"

"Of course." Herc replied softly.

Laf's breathing started to steady out as he began to relax.

"See? Everything is okay."

"Yeah...thank you. Thanks for showing me everything is okay."

"I don't like to see you scared." Herc replied.

Laf was quiet, his gentle breathing filling the silence. Herc didn't say anything either, but started lightly rubbing Laf's back.

"Do Alex and John know about your...uh, waist?" Herc asked quietly.

"They know to an extent." Laf replied, equally as quiet. "They know Thomas hurt me...they don't exactly know what happened. I don't really want everyone to know."

"Okay. They won't hear it from me." Herc promised.

"Great, thanks." Laf said.

There was a knock on the door and Alex and John walked in. "Hey guys!" John exclaimed. "What's up?"

Laf, who still had his shirt off, immediately wrapped his arms around his waist, trying to prevent John and Alex from seeing the scars.

Herc noticed immediately. "Get out!" He exclaimed as he threw the bed covers over Laf's torso.

"Geez, chill out, Herc." Alex replied. "What's the big deal?"

"I said get out!" Herc repeated. "At least for a few minutes!"

"Alright, alright." John said, leaving the room with Alex following close behind.

"Hey, are you okay?" Herc asked Laf, who had pulled the covers all the way over his head.

Laf shook his head no. At least, that's what Herc thought. It was kind of difficult to see through the covers. "They didn't see, did they?"

"I don't think so." Herc tried to pull the covers back but Laf had a firm grip on the blankets. "Come on, Laf. Alex and John are waiting for us. You can borrow one of my shirts for now, or a sweatshirt, if you want."

Laf pulled back the covers a little bit. "O-okay," Laf said, climbing out of the bed. "Are you sure they didn't see?"

"I don't know for sure, but I don't think they saw. Please get up."

Laf slid out of bed. Herc grabbed one of his older sweatshirts, hoping that it would be at least a little bit smaller than his current articles of clothing. "Try this on."

Laf pulled the sweatshirt on, the large jacket enveloping his small frame. Well, small compared to Herc, anyway.

He gave a small smile to Herc, looking like a little kid. "Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem." Herc grinned. "It looks good on you. Now come on, Alex and John are probably getting impatient."

Laf followed Herc out of the room to see John and Alex were sitting on the couch. "Finally!" Alex exclaimed. "Did Laf shrink or something?"

Herc rolled his eyes. "It's one of my sweatshirts. Why'd you come into my room like that?"

"Oh, sorry, should we have expected Laf to be on top of you shirtless?" John snapped.

"No, but you could've at least waited until I said you could come in!" Herc exclaimed. "That's the polite thing!"

"Since when have you been worried about being polite?" John shot back.

"Is being polite so wrong?"

At this point the arguing had escalated to a full on yelling match. "Guys...it's not a big deal…" Laf said quietly, standing off to the side.

"Yes, it is a big deal!" Herc exclaimed, scaring Laf. "You didn't want them to see you like that!"

"What do you mean, like 'that'?" John exclaimed. "We have as much right to know as you do, probably more, really. In case you're forgetting, Alex and I have known Laf much longer than you have."

"John." Alex said. "Herc is also Laf's boyfriend. He probably does have more right than we do to know."

"Really? REALLY?!" John exclaimed, turning on Alex. "You're taking Herc's side?"

Alex shrunk back. "John. Chill out."

"Why should I?!" John yelled. "You're my boyfriend, you shouldn't be choosing Herc!"

Alex stared at him, frowning. "Bye, John." He turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

"What the-? ALEX!" John yelled. "Thanks a lot, Herc!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, right." John stormed out of the room.

Laf made a small whimpering noise. "Is-is John mad at you?"

"I don't know." Herc replied, shaking his head. "I just don't get why he got so mad like that."

"I don't know either." Laf whispered, sighing.

"It's not your fault, okay?" Herc pulled Laf in, embracing him.

"Okay..."

* * *

"Alex! What the hell?" John yelled, trying to Alex down the hall, though he was having a difficult time with his boot. Alex started running. "Alex!" He somehow caught up and grabbed his shoulder. "What was that about?"

"I should be asking you that question." Alex replied, holding back tears. "Why did you start yelling at Herc like that? He did absolutely NOTHING to you!"

"He wasn't telling us what was going on with Laf!"

"Maybe it wasn't his place to tell us. Did you think about that? Maybe Laf told him not to tell us."

"We've been friends with Laf way longer than Herc has! He just met us last year. It was the three of us all through high school."

"John. Herc is Laf's boyfriend. Therefore, Laf may tell Herc some things that he hasn't told us. Okay?"

John nodded reluctantly. "Fine."

"What is your deal? Why'd you snap like that? Why'd you yell at me?"

"I...I just-I have a lot going on…"

"Do you want to talk?"

"I...I don't think so, Alex. Thanks for asking though…"

Alex looked at him curiously. "Alright." He shrugged. "I'm there if you need to talk though, okay?"

John nodded. "Got it."

"Are you going to apologize to Herc?"

John sighed. "I'm going to have to, aren't I?"

"Yeah." Alex nodded. "I forgive you though."

"Thank you," John replied. "Thanks so much."

"Yeah. If you don't want to apologize right now, you don't have to. I doubt your company will be very welcome over there right now."

"Okay. Back to the dorm then?"

"Sure. Back to the dorm."


	16. Chapter 16

"Peggy!" Angelica yelled. "Did you take my hair brush again?"

"I didn't take your stupid hairbrush. Why do you always think it's me?"

"Maybe because we share a dorm?" She sighed. "Have you at least seen it?"

"I think I saw it on the kitchen counter. Why do you need it?"

"I have a date with John later. I don't want to go out with my hair looking like this!"

"John Church?" Peggy asked. "You know dad doesn't like him."

"Peggy, I'm a grown woman. I don't need dad to tell me who I can or can't date." Angelica left Peggy's doorway and went into the kitchen to look for her brush. "Found it!"

"Good." Peggy replied. "Hey, what time is your date at, anyway?"

"Four. It's two now. Why do you ask?"

"I just got a text from Eliza. She's asking if we wanted to do something with her and Maria."

"So she's asking us to crash her date then?"

"I don't think it's a date. She probably just wants us to get to know Maria better."

"I guess." Angelica shrugged. "Is it just us four then, or are the guys coming too?"

Peggy shrugged. "I can ask." She shot a quick message to Eliza.

"Oh, Peggy texted back!" Eliza noticed.

"Well? Are they busy?" Maria asked.

"Doesn't look like they're busy. She's asking if the guys are coming too."

"Do you want them to come?"

"Sure. We're all going to be hanging out a lot, don't you think they should get to know you?"

"Yeah, I guess." Maria shrugged. "I do know Alex pretty well, though."

"How?" Eliza asked. "You moved here from Maine just this summer, right?"

"Yeah." Maria replied. "Earlier in the summer, before we moved, Alex had come up to Maine for some research or other that he had to do for one of his articles for the New York Times. I happened to be in the area and we hit it off. I didn't realize you guys were friends until we had that dinner the other night. It was nice to see him again."

"Oh." Eliza replied simply. "That's...nice."

Maria smiled at her. "Are you jealous or something?"

"What? NO!" Eliza exclaimed. "Why would I be jealous just because you've known Alex slightly longer than me?"

"Sorry, it just sounds like you're jealous." Maria replied. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"Yeah, I know." Eliza sighed. "I gotta send a text to the guys then to ask if they want to hang out. I'm guessing we're just going to all hang out over here?"

"Yeah, sounds fine." Maria shrugged. "Whatever works for you."

After sending the text Eliza collapsed on the couch next to her girlfriend. Maria smiled and started playing with Eliza's hair, eventually having it form into a messy braid.

"There you go." Maria said, putting the braid over Eliza's shoulder.

"Thanks, Maria."

There was a knock on the door and there was muffled yelling that the two of them could hear.

"Oh, so now you decide to wait for someone to answer the door?" They could hear Herc's voice through the door.

"I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have snapped like that." They could hear John reply.

Eliza got up and quickly opened the door before the fighting could escalate. "Hi guys!" She exclaimed, opening the door for Alex, Laf, John, and Herc, the last two who were glaring at each other.

"Uh...is everything alright?" She asked, looking between the two of them.

"No, everything is not alright." Herc said bitterly.

"I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it."

"Well, how about you all come in?" Eliza said nervously. "Peggy and Angie are going to be here in a few minutes." Hopefully that will help to ease the tension between Herc and John. I wonder what happened?

Herc went over to one side of the room with Laf following him, John and Alex taking seats on the other side of the room. Eliza glanced nervously at Maria, who was looking very confused.

"What's going on?" Maria mouthed.

Eliza shook her head to show she didn't know. The door opened again and Angelica and Peggy burst into the room.

"Sorry we're late!" Angelica exclaimed. "We didn't miss anything, did we?"

"Nope, nothing!" Eliza replied. _Other than Herc and John yelling at each other._

"Great!" Peggy said. "So, what are we going to be doing then?"

"I was thinking we'd just hang out, maybe we could play some card games or something...at least if two people will talk to each other!" She directed at Herc and John.

"Hey, it's not my fault John decided to burst into my room!"

"Look, I said I'm sorry. Can't you get over it?"

"Herc, can you please forget about it?" Eliza asked. "At least for now, we invited you all here to have fun, not argue."

"Fine." Herc said grudgingly. "Learn to be patient next time, though, John."

"Got it."

"Okay, now that we have that out of the way," Eliza said. "What do you guys want to do first?"

"Truth or dare!" Peggy exclaimed.

"Sure, that sounds fun." Maria agreed. "Do you do it with a bottle? Like spin the bottle, but instead of kissing someone, you dare them or ask them for a truth?"

Herc groaned. "What is up with you girls and truth or dare?"

"Because it's fun!" Angelica replied, getting up to get a bottle. "Yeah, we do it with a bottle, Maria. I'll be right back."

Angelica came back with a bottle a few minutes later.

"Who's spinning first?" Peggy asked.

"I guess I will." John shrugged as they all moved to sit in a circle on the floor. The bottle spun around several times and finally landed on Maria. "Okay, Maria. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Okay, let's start off with something simple. We'll get more intense eventually, I'm sure, but we might as well ease into it." He said, thinking of a question. "Who here have you known the longest?"

"Really?" Herc said. "It's obviously Eliza!"

Maria shook her head. "Nope. I met Alex first."

"Oh yeah," Alex said. "I met her when I went up to Maine. I had to do some research for an article I was writing. I had almost forgotten about that."

Maria leaned forward and spun the bottle. It landed on Laf.

"Truth or dare, Laf?"

"Um...let's go dare."

"Ooh, I got a good one!" Maria exclaimed, leaning over and whispering into Eliza's ear.

"Do it!" Eliza exclaimed.

"Okay. Laf, I dare you to go and wear one of Eliza's dresses for the next half hour."

"What?!"

"Come on Laf, I'm sure I have one that will look good on you." Eliza said, getting up and heading to her room, Laf reluctantly following behind her.

Eliza stood in front of her closet, looking at the multiple dresses while Laf stood to the side, looking at her perplexed. "Ah ha! This one here!" She exclaimed, pulling a coral dress down from the hanger and shoving it into Laf's hands as she walked out the room.

Laf pulled the dress on and walked out into the living room, his face bright red from embarrassment.

Alex laughed out loud. "It looks surprisingly good on you, Laf!"

Laf glared at Alex and took his seat by Herc, spinning the bottle. "John, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Kiss Alex. Do it!"

"Come on Laf, that's not even a dare!" Peggy complained.

"Too late," John said, pulling Alex into a kiss that seemed to last for far too long.

"Really, guys?" Angelica asked. "Do that on your own time."

"Hey, Laf's the one who dared him." Alex shrugged, grinning.

The next two hours continued on like that, with horrible dares and embarrassing truths, but once Angelica left for her date, everyone started to leave.

"Thanks for inviting us, 'Liza!" Alex said as he and John left.

"Yeah, it was fun to have everyone." Eliza replied. "See you later!" She grinned as they left and her and Maria's dorm was quiet once more.

"Well, that was fun." Maria said.

"Yeah," Eliza agreed, sitting on the couch next to her girlfriend and leaning her head on her shoulder.

Maria wrapped her arm around Eliza's shoulder and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you."

"You too."

 **Here is chapter 16 for you guys! I may not be updating as frequently because our school has the play coming up, so if I get a part I won't be able to write as frequently. I'll try to post a chapter once a week though, this story still has a ways to go!**


	17. Chapter 17

"Herc?" Laf knocked on the room door. It was the next day, and Laf had decided to make breakfast. "Come on, it's time to eat." He said gently, opening the door.

Herc was still asleep, his legs tangled up in the covers. Laf walked over and lightly shook his boyfriend awake. "Mon amour, breakfast is ready."

Herc sat up slowly. "You made breakfast?"

"Oui. You obviously weren't going to."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now get up, or the blueberry muffins won't be warm by the time we get to them!"

Herc perked up. "You made blueberry muffins?"

"Yep," Laf replied, glad to see Herc smiling. "Get up!" Laf left the room and was soon followed by Herc, who had managed to pull himself out of bed.

"So where are the muffins?" Herc asked.

"On the counter. Take as many as you want, I made a dozen."

"Alright, thanks." Herc said, taking two muffins and sitting down next to Laf at the table. "So, how are you? Did you sleep well?"

"I slept okay." Laf replied quietly.

"You didn't have nightmares again, did you?"

"Maybe a little bit...I'm just afraid I'm gonna run into Thomas again today…"

"Don't worry, if I see him I'll beat him up for you, 'kay? He should've never hurt you."

"Merci, Herc."

"That means thank you, right?"

"Oui."

"Oh. Then you're welcome." Herc replied. "Also, you did an amazing job on breakfast, once again."

"Thank you," Laf replied. "I try my best."

"You are the best." Herc said, getting up and throwing the muffin wrappers away. "I gotta get to class. Love you!" He said as he grabbed his bag and left the room.

"You too!" Laf replied as the door slammed shut. He grabbed his bag and went to his first class of the day. He looked around and sighed, relieved. Thomas wasn't in the class, and there wasn't much chance of him showing up because there were only a few minutes before class started and Thomas was always early.

He sat down and took out the notebook for class. A few curls fell in his face. _Stupid hair can't stay in the bun!_ He thought frustrated. He took it out and began redoing it, but the ponytail holder broke and went flying across the room, possibly hitting some poor kid in the head.

His hair fell into his face and Laf sighed. _Great. Now my hair's going to be in my face all day_. He tried and was unsuccessful to tuck the hair behind his ear, it just bounced back.

The teacher walked in and began talking, so Laf flipped his notebook open and began taking notes, getting annoyed when his hair continued to fall in front of his face no matter how many times he pushed it out of the way.

Finally, the class was done. _I think I have time to go back to the dorm and grab a new ponytail holder. I don't know how much longer I can stand this_. Laf grabbed his bag and began walking down the hallway, his head down. He glanced up and saw Herc walking towards him. He immediately smiled.

Herc spotted him and frowned, looking angry.

Laf's smile faltered as Herc walked up to him and grabbed his shoulders, shoving him against the wall. Laf let out a gasp of pain, trying to hold back a sob.

"Why would you hurt him? Why would you do that to him?" Herc yelled. "Stay away from him, and stay away from me!"

"Mon amour!" Laf choked out between tears. "C'est moi! What-why…?"

Herc's expression changed to horror as he loosened his grip. "I-I...oh my god...your hair wasn't pulled back...you looked just like Thomas…"

Laf looked at Herc fearfully.

Herc backed up a few feet. "I-I'm so sorry...Laf...Laf please…"

Laf shoved past him and ran down the hallway, trying to put as much distance between Herc and himself as possible. _How could he not tell the difference? I'm nothing like Thomas_ … Laf thought, tears streaming as he continued to run.

"Laf!" He heard Herc yell to him, chasing after him while navigating the hall.

Laf ignored him and went into their dorm, going into his room and locking the door behind him. He leaned up against the door and slid down it, hugging his knees as he sobbed.

"Laf! Laf, please!" Herc knocked on the door. "Please...I'm so sorry...I'm so, so, sorry." Laf could hear Herc sniffling through the door. "Please."

Laf tried to steady out his breathing so he could hear what Herc was doing. _Is he actually crying? I've never heard him cry…_

"Oh god…" He heard Herc muttering. "I screwed up. I screwed up big. I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry, Laf." _Who am I kidding? He probably hates me now_ … He thought hopelessly.

Laf, almost hesitantly, opened the door and wrapped his arms around Herc. "You're not an idiot."

Herc seemed surprised to feel Laf holding him. "Yes I am...I promised I wouldn't hurt you."

"Shh...it's okay."

"No, no it's not." Herc sighed. "I don't know why you would even forgive me."

"I forgive you because I love you. You were crying. I don't want to see you cry." He kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Herc's face flushed a light pink. "Thanks, hun." He said quietly. "But...what the hell was I thinking?" He asked. "If you hadn't said anything, I would've punched you...hard. You would've hated me."

"It's a good thing I said something then, isn't it?" Laf asked. The thought that Herc might've hurt him still scared him, but that's not what he was worried about. Right now, he was focused on cheering Herc up. "Look, I get it...Tom and I look very similar. It's not your fault."

"I should've been able to tell the difference between the two of you!" Herc exclaimed, shaking. "What if I hurt you? You would've been so scared of me...you would've never talked to me again. I'd never forgive myself if I hurt you."

Laf pulled Herc closer. "It's best not to dwell on what never happened." He said gently, rocking back and forth with Herc in his arms. "I still love you."

"I-I don't deserve your forgiveness…" Herc said quietly.

"Shh…" Laf replied, brushing some of Herc's tears away. "I'm not mad. Just breathe." He said softly, giving Herc a small smile.

Herc took a shaky breath, though soon began to calm down.

"See? Everything's okay."

 _It's not_. Herc thought to himself, but nodded. "Okay."


	18. Chapter 18

Laf was curled up next to Herc in bed. A little over a week had passed, and had some point Herc had yelled at Thomas, who hadn't bugged Laf since.

Laf was grateful for such a great boyfriend. _Tomorrow's his birthday, isn't it? I'll have to look through some of my recipes to see if there's something special I can make for dinner tomorrow, and then I'll have to pick up an ice cream cake too…_

While he was thinking this, Herc blinked his eyes open. "Good morning, Love." Herc said, kissing Laf on the cheek. "Sleep well?"

"Uh-huh." Laf nodded, burying his face in Herc's chest, intertwining Herc's legs with his own.

Herc wrapped his arms around him. "That's good." He replied, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Laf's chest.

They sat there for a few minutes, the only sound coming from their steady breathing as they enjoyed each other's company. Finally, Herc sighed. "I've got to get up. I have classes today. Oh, and I finished that outfit. I need to get a few pictures of you wearing it, is that okay?"

"Will you fail if I don't wear it?"

"Yes."

"Fine…"

"Don't worry, I fixed it. It won't be so tight around your chest. Hopefully." Herc pulled the covers back. "Come on, sleepyhead. Get up."

Laf shivered as the cold air hit him. He grabbed at the blanket and pulled them back over his body.

"Laf, come on." Herc pulled the covers back again and attempted to roll Laf out of bed. "Get up."

Laf grudgingly got out of bed, shivering. "It's cold…"

Herc wrapped his arms around Laf, giving him a gentle squeeze. "Is that warming you up?"

Laf smiled, nodding.

Herc planted a kiss on the top of his boyfriend's head. "I gotta get ready. Go get a shirt on, that's probably why you're so cold."

"Fine...can I wear one of your sweatshirts again?"

"Sure, I guess." Herc shrugged. "Just don't let it swallow you." He joked.

"Okay," Laf smiled, going over to Herc's closet and grabbing a sweatshirt. He pulled it over his head and let it engulf him. "Hey, I think we still have some muffins left. If you want them warmed up I can go do that."

"Sure, that'd be great." Herc replied, smiling.

Laf went into the kitchen and put the muffins in the microwave, setting the time for ten seconds. He pulled them out when they were done and put two on a plate for Herc, setting it in his spot at the table.

Herc came out a few minutes later. "Thanks, Laf."

"Of course." Laf replied, taking a bite of his muffin. "I try to do anything I can to help."

"Well, you do an amazing job of it," Herc grinned. "But then again, you are pretty amazing."

Laf blushed, looking down. "Merci," he finished up with his muffins. "You said you wanted me to try on that outfit again?"

"Yeah, it should be in the closet." Herc replied, taking another bite of his muffin.

Laf walked into Herc's room and immediately found the outfit, pulling it out of the closet. He put it on. Herc's right, it isn't as tight across the chest anymore. He was about to leave the room when his eyes wandered over to Herc's desk. He walked over to see the multiple designs that were scattered over it on multi-colored pieces of paper. His eyes went from one image to the next, looking appreciatively at the detailed sketches.

He finally walked out of the room. Herc glanced up. "Wow, it looks even better than I thought it would!" He exclaimed, grinning.

"That's good," Laf nodded. "I saw some of your other designs on your desk. They're really good."

"You looked at those?"

"Y-yeah...did you not want me to?"

"No, no, it's fine." Herc shook his head. "I just didn't think they were very interesting to most people...wasn't expecting you to look at them."

"Oh. Yeah, they were pretty interesting. Very detailed."

"Really? Thanks." Herc replied, taking his phone out. "I need to take a few pictures, if that's all right?

"Yeah, it's fine." Laf replied as Herc began taking pictures from multiple angles. "Done. Thanks, Hun." Herc said, pocketing his phone. "Now, I gotta figure out what to call it."

"What do you mean?" Laf asked, confused.

"Well, I have to have some sort of name for it, so the teacher can figure out basically what it's supposed to be, and so they can keep it straight while they're grading. Plus, most fashion lines have names anyway."

"Oh. Well it's a war uniform, right? So should you have something that has to do with wars in the name?" Laf suggested.

Herc's face lit up. "How about Fighting Frenchman?"

"Really? But the outfit isn't necessarily for a French person…"

"That's the thing. I based it off of the outfit of an actual French person that fought in the Revolution. It totally works!"

"Huh. I suppose it does. Though the name feels like it's missing something…"

"Okay...how about Favorite Fighting Frenchman?"

Laf smiled. "Yeah, that sounds better. The three word alliteration makes it sound better.

"I thought you were saying it sounded better because it said you were my favorite." Herc replied.

"I thought you were talking about the outfit."

"I was. Partially. I was mainly talking about you."

Laf blushed, looking down. "Amour, you are amazing...thank you."

"I...I don't think I did anything…"

"Yes you did. You did everything. You've always been there for me. Thank you."

"Aww, of course, Laf." Herc replied. "You're too cute for your own good, you know that?"

Laf blushed even more, his face practically glowing.

Herc walked over and pecked Laf on the cheek. "I gotta get to my class. I need to take the outfit in too, so if you could take that off…"

Laf nodded and went back into his room to change. He brought the outfit back out a few minutes later and set it in Herc's hands. "There you go."

"Thanks," Herc glanced at his watch. "Ah, shoot! I gotta go, class starts in five!" He swung his bag over his shoulder and ran out the door.

"Bye," Laf replied. He went to the kitchen and flipped through one of his recipe books. Once he found the recipe he marked the page and put it back on the shelf. _I don't have any classes tomorrow, I'll have plenty of time to make it and go get the cake. Though I suppose I could get it now...but then Herc might see it and it wouldn't be a surprise…_

Laf glanced at his watch, realizing he was supposed to be in math in twenty minutes. He grabbed his bag and headed across campus, glad that he wouldn't have to worry about Thomas bothering him.

He sat down at his seat and pulled his notebook out just as the teacher walked in. _Good, I'm on time_. He thought, relieved. They went through the class taking notes and Laf was glad when it was done. Though he was good at math, it wasn't his favorite subject.

He headed out of the classroom and met Herc outside of his costume making class. "So, how'd it go?"

"Good," Herc nodded. "The teacher was definitely impressed. It was better than what some of the other people made...loose stitches, uneven arm lengths, for one person, when the teacher grabbed it a button fell off."

"Really?" Laf asked. "They're in advanced costume making for a reason, you'd think they'd be good at it."

Herc chuckled. "My thoughts exactly." He replied, wrapping his arm around Laf's shoulder. "Are we going back to the dorm?"

"Yeah. I mean, we don't have to if you need to go do something, but-"

"No, no, it's fine. I was just wondering. So, what are we doing tomorrow?"

"Uh, I don't know...would you just want to stay at home? We can invite everyone over." Laf replied. "Unless you had something different in mind."

"No, that sounds perfect. Spending time with our friends. That's a good idea."

"Okay," Laf nodded, then the two of them walked back to the dorm in a comfortable silence.

 **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I love seeing all your reviews, but can someone please explain to me how the fic driving you insane? I don't understand...**

 **Leave a review, I'll see you all next chapter!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Trigger warning for abuse**

Herc woke up the next morning. "Good morn-Laf?" The other side of the bed was empty, void of Laf's company. "Laf?"

Herc crawled out of bed and went into the kitchen to see Laf pulling something out of the oven.

"Happy birthday, Love." Laf set the pan down and walked over to Herc, pecking him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Hun." Herc replied, returning with a kiss.

Laf blushed. "Of course."

"So, what'd you make? It smells good."

"Chocolate muffins, and I made icing that I need to add to them once they cool."

"Are there chocolate chips in them?"

"Do you need more chocolate in it? I mean, it's already a chocolate muffin."

"Yes, of course it needs more chocolate."

"Well, guess what?" Laf asked, leaning in.

"What?"

"It has extra chocolate chips in it."

Herc kissed the tip of Laf's nose, startling him, but making him smile at the same time.

"You are amazing." Herc said. "Don't forget that."

"Merci, but it is your birthday today. Today, I cater to you!" Laf replied, pulling away and putting the icing on the muffins.

Herc smiled as he sat down, Laf bringing the pan of muffins over to the table.

"Take as many as you want, there's plenty. I'll send the text out later inviting everyone. Is six tonight a good time, do you think?"

Herc nodded, grabbing a muffin. "It sounds fine, Laf. Don't stress."

"I know, I just want you to have a good birthday." Laf replied.

Herc shook his head, a smile creeping over his face. "Laf, as long as you're here, it is a good birthday, okay?"

Laf nodded, now quiet as he grabbed his own muffin. _He's right, I shouldn't stress so much_.

"Hey, you don't need to stop talking," Herc said lightly, taking a bite of his muffin. "You really do make the best muffins."

"Merci," Laf replied. "I...I know I sometimes talk a lot...sorry…"

"Laf, I already said you're fine." Herc replied. "I enjoy having you talk to me. When you don't talk, it worries me." He continued.

"Oh...I don't want to worry you either."

"Laf. It's okay. You aren't doing anything wrong. And if you were, I wouldn't be mad at you, either. Got it?"

Laf nodded, finishing up with his muffin and putting his plate away.

"Aren't you going to eat anymore? You only had one muffin…" Herc said, concerned.

"I'm fine. Not very hungry."

"Oh...okay." Herc replied, looking worriedly at Laf.

Laf saw his look. "Do not worry, okay? I'm just not hungry right now." He assured his boyfriend, sitting back down at the table.

"Alright. Look, I gotta get to class." He grabbed another muffin for on the way and pecked Laf on the cheek. "See you later."

Laf smiled. "See you later."

Once Herc left Laf grabbed the car keys and went down to the parking lot. _I'm glad he liked the muffins_. He thought happily, glad that his boyfriend's birthday was off to a good start. He drove to a nearby grocery store and bought a large cake. _This should be big enough for everyone, right?_

He checked out and put the cake in the passenger's seat, then got into his seat. That was quick. He thought.

After getting back to the dorm and putting the cake in the freezer he sent a text out. 'Herc's birthday today, you all can come over at six, we're gonna party.'

Angelica was the first to respond. 'Sounds great, can I bring drinks?'

'Yeah, I guess.' Laf replied.

'Sweet.' Angie replied. 'See you tonight!'

He continued getting texts from the rest of their friends, all of them saying they could come.

Laf grinned. Perfect. It's gonna be a good night.

He began cleaning up the dorm for later that night, but knowing their friends, it would no doubt be a total mess by the end of the night. Herc finished up with his classes around four.

"Have you been cleaning all day?" He asked as he walked into the dorm to see Laf holding a dust rag.

"Yeah...I've also been getting everything else ready for tonight."

Herc smiled, setting his bag down on the couch and walking over to Laf. "Thanks, Love." He said, kissing him gently. "I appreciate it."

Laf grinned. "I'm making dinner tonight too."

"Just don't overwork yourself, okay?" Herc said. "We don't need you to be tired tonight when we have everyone over."

"Alright." Laf nodded. "I'm almost done cleaning, and then I'll get started on dinner."

"Sounds good. Is everyone eating over here?"

"I think so." Laf replied. "Sorry, did you not want them to?"

"No, it's fine." Herc said quickly. "I was just wondering. I've gotta go do my homework, so I'll leave you to it."

"Okay!" Laf said, glad he was able to give Herc a good birthday.

Herc went into his room and once Laf had finished up with cleaning, he pulled his recipe book down from the shelf and flipped it open to the page he had marked the previous day. He began grabbing the needed ingredients out of the cupboard for the three-color pasta he had decided on for dinner.

When six o'clock rolled around, John and Alex were the first to show up.

"Hey, Laf." Alex said as he strolled into the room, John's arm hooked with his. "Where's Herc?"

"I think he's finishing up some homework, but he'll be out soon."

"Alright," John said, sitting on the couch. "So once everyone gets here we'll eat?"

Laf nodded. "Yeah, that's what we were thinking."

"Cool," Alex replied. "In that case, I hope everyone shows up soon. I'm starving!"

John chuckled. "Maybe if you had something other than coffee you wouldn't be so hungry."

"I get busy," Alex replied. "Besides, who says coffee isn't a good meal?"

"Probably most doctors." John replied.

Laf laughed at his two friends as Herc walked out the door. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Herc. Happy birthday!" Alex said.

"Happy birthday!" John echoed. "How old are you now? Twenty-two?"

"Twenty-one." Herc replied.

"Right, right. You're younger than me and older than Laf, I don't know when I'm gonna get that straight." John shook his head.

"You're older than me?"

"Yeah, I turn twenty-two in June."

"Okay," Herc nodded as the door flung open and Angelica and Peggy entered.

"Happy birthday, Herc!" Angelica said, giving him a hug.

"Thanks, Ang," Herc replied. "What's in the bags?"

"Drinks," She replied, pulling out a bottle of coke, a six-pack of beer, and a bottle of whiskey with plastic shot glasses. "Wasn't sure what everyone wanted so I got a bit of a variety."

"Alright, cool." Herc nodded as Eliza and Maria walked into the room.

"Hi, are we late?" Eliza asked.

Laf shook his head. "Non, mon ami. Everyone is showing up right now. You're just the last ones."

"Oh, okay."

"Happy birthday, by the way, Herc!" Maria chirped.

"Thanks, Maria." Herc smiled.

"Is everyone ready to eat?" Laf asked. "The food is ready."

Everyone nodded and grabbed plates, lining up in the kitchen as Laf dished food onto everyone's plates. Everyone grabbed their preferred drinks and then sat down in the living room.

"So, who's up for truth or-" Angelica started.

"No! No truth or dare!" Herc yelled. "Not on my birthday! No!"

Angelica laughed. "Relax, I was only joking. I know how much you hate that game."

"Good." Herc replied.

"Can we just give dares?" John asked. "If so, I dare Herc to have three shots in a row."

"Only three?" Alex asked. "That's nothing."

"Yeah, well, he hasn't ever had alcohol before. You gotta start small."

"Oh, because three is definitely starting small." Eliza said, her voice think with sarcasm.

Herc rolled his eyes. "Fine." He got up and went into the kitchen, pouring the shots.

"You ready, Herc?" John asked.

"I guess." Herc shrugged.

"Go!" John shouted.

Herc grabbed the first glass and tipped it into his mouth, the liquid burning his throat.

"Next one! Go!" John yelled as Herc grabbed the next glass and drank that as well. "Okay, last one now!" He exclaimed as Herc downed it.

"Can I dare him to do five?" Peggy asked.

"Peggy!" Angie scolded. "Give him a second!"

"Wow…" Herc started. "That was...wow."

"You okay?" Laf asked.

"Yeah...yeah, I'm good." Herc replied. "Wasn't expecting it to be so strong."

"Herc, can you do five?" Peggy repeated again.

"Peggy! Are you trying to kill him?" Angelica scolded again.

"No...come on, Ang, it's just a dare."

"Maybe later." Herc said.

"Does everyone want cake?" Laf asked, changing the subject.

There was a chorus of agreement as Laf took the cake out of the freezer.

After cake everyone moved back into the living room and continued to talk about their current classes and the upcoming tests.

"Hey, we should have a study group like, every Wednesday or something like that!" Maria said. "We could cover a different class each week, and get all of our studying in. Plus, studying with friends makes it more fun. Every time I try to study by myself I end up falling asleep."

Alex nodded. "That does sound like a good idea. I think Wednesday works for me, how about everyone else?"

Everyone nodded and agreed that they would have a study group on the following Wednesday.

"Well, it's getting kinda late." John said, standing up. "I have early classes tomorrow, so I'm gonna head back."

"Alright, I'll come with." Alex said, getting up. "You guy's will have to tell us how the dare goes."

"What dare?" Eliza asked.

"My dare!" Peggy exclaimed. "For Herc to take five shots in a row!"

"Oh, right. Hey, before you guys leave how about I do that then, since you apparently want to see it so badly." Herc said, getting up. "I don't get why though."

"Five shots in a row is a lot, Herc…" Laf said quietly. "Do you really think you should?"

"Relax Laf, I'll be fine." Herc grabbed the shot glasses and poured five.

"Okay Herc, go!" Peggy exclaimed as Herc grabbed the first glass. Herc went through all five in under a minute.

"Wow." He shook his head. "Still not used to the taste."

"You'll get used to it." Angelica replied, glancing at the clock. "It is getting pretty late. I'm going to head back." She said, following Alex and John out the door.

People began to trickle out the door and pretty soon it was just Laf and Herc. Herc shut the door behind Maria. "And now it's just us." There was something off about his voice, something that Laf couldn't quite place. "Come here."

"I have some homework I have to work on. I didn't realize we'd be staying up so late. I had planned to get it done earlier but got busy…"

"I said, come here." Herc repeated, his voice harsh.

Laf shook his head, looking warily at Herc. "Sorry, I've got to finish that homework."

Herc wasn't taking no for an answer. He stalked towards Laf, who shrunk back, and smacked him across the face. Laf immediately let out a yelp of pain, his hand flying up to his face. "When I tell you something, you listen. Got it?" He said in a low growl.

Laf nodded and lowered his hand, shaking, to see there was blood on it. When Herc slapped him it must have cut open some skin. _He's drunk out of his mind_ …

"Now, come here." Herc demanded as he pulled Laf into his bedroom. Laf whimpered as Herc slammed him onto the bed, smashing his lips violently against Laf's as he placed his hands on Laf's hips.

Laf sobbed, his chest heaving. _This can't be happening. Any minute now I'm going to wake up safe in bed next to Herc and I'll be able to forget this horrible nightmare_! He thought, quivering as Herc ran his hand along his side.

"Herc...Herc please...please stop…"

"Stop crying!" Herc yelled angrily.

Laf stiffened, looking at Herc fearfully. _He's gonna stop, I know it, he wouldn't do this, he's going to stop_ … He squirmed underneath Herc's grip.

Herc began to peel Laf's shirt off and Laf couldn't take it anymore. He drove his knee into Herc, causing him to let out a gasp of pain. He shoved Herc off of him and sprinted into his own room, locking the door behind him.

He climbed into bed, the homework forgotten, and pulled the covers over his head as he softly cried himself to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**-Trigger Warning for self harm and suicide-**

 **Well guys, I cried while writing this chapter. Here it goes.**

"Hey Laf? You in there?" Herc knocked on the door. "I made breakfast."

"Go away."

"Laf? Laf, hun, what's wrong? Please come out."

Laf shyly emerged from his room, not making eye contact with Herc.

"Love? Is something wrong?"

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Yeah," Herc replied, confused. "We had everyone over, we had the cake, I took dares from Peggy and John, then everyone went home, and then…" He drifted off, trying to remember.

"You don't remember anything else?" Laf glanced up at Herc, giving him a view of the cut on his face.

"Where'd you get that fr-oh...OH." Herc realized in horror. "I-I…"

"So you do remember?"

"I-I swear, I didn't know what I was doing, I-I thought it was a dream…" Herc stuttered out.

"A dream?"

"Yeah…"

"You said dream." Laf said quietly.

"Yeah, is there something wrong with that?" Herc asked.

"You didn't say nightmare, you didn't even say a bad dream...you said a dream. A dream is good things, something that you enjoy. Is that what you want?" Laf cried, his voice rising in volume. "To be able to hurt me? To see me in pain and to ignore me when I ask you to stop? To-to...to try to do things with me without my consent?" He choked out between sobs.

"Laf, no, that's not what I want…" Herc replied, putting his hand on Laf's shoulder.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Laf screamed, pushing Herc away from him, a fearful look in his eyes.

Herc put his hands up, looking sadly at Herc. "I don't want to hurt you, Laf." He replied, his eyes wetting. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"What was that last night, then?" Laf yelled, his fear and anger unleashed.

"I-I don't know...but I'm sorry. Please Laf. Please forgive me."

Laf was shaking. "You're asking me to forgive you?"

"Yes?" Herc replied, more a question than an answer. "Please?"

Laf sighed and looked down, trying to relax.

"You don't hate me, do you?"

Laf was quiet for a few moments, then sighed again. "No, I don't hate you. You were drunk and your judgement was clouded. But I don't think I can forgive you yet. It's not your fault, it's mine. If I were to forgive you now, I'm still going to be scared, and that's not fair to you." Laf looked up at Herc. "I'm sorry...I'll forgive you eventually, but now's not the time."

Herc nodded in understanding. "I get it. I hate myself for hurting you."

"No. Do not say that." Laf managed to say. "Do not hate yourself."

"But-"

"Shh." Laf said, cutting him off. "I've got to get to class. Bye." He looked down and walked out the door.

Herc stared at the door blankly after Laf had left. _I can't believe that I hurt him. Why would I? What made me hurt him?_

* * *

"Herc doesn't have classes today, does he?" John asked Alex. The two of them didn't have any classes that day, and John was curled up to Alex on the couch, doing some light sketching while Alex worked on his essay.

"No, I don't think so." Alex shook his head. "Why?"

"He won't have to worry about missing any of his classes because of a hangover." John snickered.

Alex grinned. "That's true. Geez, he had-what, eight shots? Yeah, I don't think he'll be doing too good."

"Yeah, I'm surprised he handled it so well, that stuff's strong." John replied. "Do you think we should check on him? Laf's at classes until late, right? He'll be alone most of the day."

"I suppose we should." Alex replied, setting down his computer, albeit reluctantly.

John knocked on the door. "Herc? Hey, you in there?" No answer. "Herc?"

"Dude, just go in."

"Are you remembering what happened the last time we tried to do that?"

"He could be passed out! It's not good to let someone be passed out, especially if they're drunk! What if he's dying?" Alex exclaimed as they heard a shout from inside the room.

"Well, he's not passed out…"

"John, just open the damn door!"

John shoved the door open. "Herc?" He stepped into the dorm, Alex right behind him.

The lights in both the kitchen and living room were turned off. They heard another yell, the sound coming from Herc's room.

The two of them exchanged worried glances and rushed into the room.

"Herc, what the-?" Alex exclaimed as he stopped in his tracks, gaping in horror.

Herc was sitting on the floor, breathing shallowly as he stared at his arms, each with long, jagged cuts that were leaking blood.

"John, call the ambulance!" Alex said, rushing into the bathroom and digging through the drawers until he found two thick rolls of gauze. He ran back into the room and began wrapping the bandages tightly around Herc's arms.

"Don't help me."

"Herc, I'm going to help you."

Herc wanted to argue, but was too weak from blood loss to fight back.

John entered the room. "The ambulance is on their way. Anything else you need me to do?"

"If you haven't already, call Laf."

"No, don't call him! I deserve to die alone!"

"Herc, what are you talking about? Laf loves you, I don't even know why you'd do this." Alex finished up with the bandages, but the blood was already seeping through the gauze. "Dammit!"

"I made him scared of me...I don't deserve him…"

"What could you possibly have done to make him scared of you?"

"I...I hurt him…"

"What? Why?"

"Because I was drunk from all those shots yesterday…"

"Herc, Laf will forgive you. He's very forgiving."

"Not for this. What I did is unforgivable…" Alex realized Herc was crying. "I lost him...I lost him and he won't come back to me…"

"Shh...Herc, you should know Laf always will come back. No matter how many arguments, or anything else, he'll come back."

Herc shook his head. "N-not after this…"

John rushed into the room. "The ambulance is on their way, they should be here soon. I called Laf too, he's leaving class right now."

"See? Laf still cares about you." Alex said gently.

"No...no, I don't deserve him. He's too good for me!"

"Hey, calm down, Herc." John said. "Laf and you are perfect together. You bring out the best in each other."

Herc shook his head, refusing to listen to his friends. "No…I ruined it..."

John looked at Alex, worried. They heard sirens and John looked down into the parking lot to see the ambulance had arrived. He ran down to let them in, and they quickly rushed into the room, managing to get Herc on a stretcher and they brought him down to the vehicle, immediately setting off for the hospital.

"Should we wait for Laf in the parking lot?" John asked.

Alex nodded. "Probably."

The two of them ran down the stairs and waited in the parking lot for Laf, who arrived five minutes later.

"Guys! What happened?"

Alex looked at John. "You didn't tell him?"

"I didn't want to scare him…"

Alex sighed. "We need to get to the hospital. NOW. We're taking your car. I'm driving."

Laf could hear the urgent tone in Alex's voice and quickly gave him the car keys. Alex got in the driver's seat and John got in the back with Laf.

"Guys...where's Herc?" Laf asked.

"He's who we're going to the hospital for." John replied slowly.

"Why? What happened?" Laf asked worriedly.

"Laf…" John sighed. "Herc, he...he tried to kill himself…"

"What?" Laf's eyes widened in fear. "No no no, this is all my fault!"

"Laf, it's not your fault." John said, putting his hand on Laf's shoulder.

"Yes it is, I should've said I forgave him, but I didn't! Why didn't I? I should've just let him keep thinking it was a dream, but I didn't! Why do I have to be so stupid?" Laf rambled as tears spilled out of his eyes.

"Laf, you're not stupid." John said gently.

"Yes I am...I'm an idiot...I'm worthless…"

"Shh, no you're not. You're so meaningful to so many people, Laf."

Laf ignored him. "Are we almost to the hospital?"

"Yeah, we're almost there." John soothed as the building came into view.

As soon as Alex parked the car, Laf jumped out of the car, John and Alex following close behind.

"Laf, wait!"

"I can't wait, I need to see Herc!" Laf exclaimed, sobbing.

"Shh, Herc will be alright." John said comfortingly, wrapping his arm around Laf's shoulders as the three of them rushed into the building.

They walked up the the secretary's desk, who was rapidly typing into her computer. The lady looked up with a smile that seemed much too cheery for the current situation. "Hello, can I help you with something?"

"Yeah," Alex, the calmest of the three said. "Our friend was brought here. His name is Hercules Mulligan, can you tell us what room he's in?"

The woman tapped something into her computer. "Floor three, room eight hundred twenty-five. I'm not sure if you'll be allowed in, though." The woman looked at them apologetically.

"Alright, thanks." Alex nodded. "Come on, Laf."

The three of them went up the stairs where there was a waiting room and yet another secretary desk, whoever sat there was more than likely better informed of the goings on of the floor.

"Hello," a woman said, peering out from behind her computer. "Are you here to see someone?"

"Hercules Mulligan." Alex quickly replied.

The woman pursed her lips. "You can't see him right now, I'm afraid. The doctors are in there with him right now, and I'll let them know he has visitors. A doctor will come tell you when you can see him, alright? For now, take a seat."

"Alright, thank you." John said.

The three of them sat on a couch. Laf was sobbing uncontrollably. John pulled him close and rubbed his back gently. "Shh, everything will be okay," John said soothingly. "Herc will be okay."

Laf shook. "N-nothing will be okay...this is all my fault!"

"It's not your fault, Laf." John replied. "None of this is your fault."

Five minutes passed. Then fifteen. Thirty. Finally, a doctor walked up to them. "Are you here for Hercules Mulligan?"

Laf nodded. "Is-is he gonna be alright?"

The doctor sighed. "Unfortunately not." Laf's face fell. "He had lost too much blood by the time he had arrived. We...we can't save him. I'm sorry." The doctor said sincerely. "He is asking to see-Lafayette, I believe the name was? That wouldn't happen to be any of you, would it?"

"I'm Lafayette." Laf replied as he stood up. _Herc's going to die? No, no no no!_ He was still crying as he walked into the room. As soon as he entered he ran over to Herc's bed and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault!" He sobbed.

Herc weakly wrapped his arms around Laf. "Hey, no, it's not your fault. I don't want you to think this is your fault."

"I forgive you, I should've said it sooner!" Laf cried. "Please don't die, please don't!"

"Laf...I can't control what happens past this point…"

"Why would you do this?"

"So I'll never hurt you again, and because of the guilt I feel of ever having hurt you in the first place." Herc replied. "You've already been hurt so much by Thomas...you don't deserve to get hurt by me...what if I hurt you again? I promised I'd protect you and instead I'm the one that hurt you."

"But I don't want you to leave…"

"You won't have to worry about me hurting you again…"

"I'm not worried about you hurting me. That wasn't really your fault." Laf said quietly as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Herc's, who kissed back weakly. The two of them sat there, wishing that moment would never end. But of course, it had to.

"I love you." Laf said as he slowly pulled away, his face tear-stained.

The monitor was going slower now, and Herc, with much effort, raised hand up to Laf's face and brushed a few tears away. "I love you too." He took a shallow breath. "I'll see you on the other side...maybe by then I'll be a good person…" His hand dropped limply to his side and Laf screamed as he monitor went flat.

"HERC!" No, you are a good person! Oh god, no, please god, no! Herc, come back, please come back, please! PLEASE!" He screamed, desperate. "PLEASE!"

Doctors rushed into the room, as well as John and Alex, who gently pulled Laf back so the doctors could do whatever needed to be done.

"Laf…there's nothing we can do…" John said gently.

"He can't be dead, please no! Please!" Laf sobbed, trying to run back into the room.

"Laf, I know you're...devastated." Alex said softly. "I know how difficult it is to lose someone you care about. But we're here for you, okay?"

"Herc's not dead!" Laf screamed. "He can't be!"

"Laf, we're going back to the dorm, okay?"

"No! Not without Herc!" Laf continued to scream, straining against John and Alex.

"Laf," Alex said firmly. "I know how hard it is for you. It's hard for me to say this, but-Herc is gone. I'm sorry Laf, he's gone."

Laf finally stopped fighting, the tears sliding down his face as Alex and John guided him to the car.

John sat next to Laf and pulled him in close as Laf sobbed, soaking his shirt. "Shh...we're here for you Laf, okay?" He said as he gently rubbed his friend's back, trying to get him to relax.

They got back to the dorms and the two of the, guided Laf up the stairs, into his dorm, and into his room.

"I'm going to call Peggy and see if she'll watch him for the night. He's gonna need someone to watch him the next couple of days, and they've always been close friends." John said, taking out his phone. "Plus, she doesn't have any classes tomorrow, so she'll be able to stay up later."

Alex nodded. "Probably a good idea." He said as John made the call and quickly explained the situation to the youngest Schuyler sister.

"She'll be right over." John said, tucking his phone away.

"Okay. I guess we'll just wait out here until she shows up?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Alright," Alex replied, finally letting the realization hit him. "John...we're never gonna see Herc again…" He said, his voice cracking.

The two of them were both crying. "I know," John replied, pulling Alex in. "But if we're having a hard time with it, imagine what Laf must be feeling."

"Hi guys!" Peggy exclaimed as she ran up to them, a worried look on her face. "Can I-can I just go in?"

"Yeah, thanks Pegs."

"Anytime." She said, entering the dorm. The bathroom light was on and she could hear Laf crying. "Laf?" She knocked. "Laf?" She opened the door to see Laf trying to open a bottle of pills. "Laf!" She exclaimed, bending down and prying the bottle out of his hands.

"NO! GIVE IT BACK!" He screamed. "I want to die! I want to see Herc!"

Peggy flinched at Laf's screaming, but could clearly see her friend was distraught. "I'm not giving you this." She said. "You need to go to bed."

"No! Let me die! I can't live without Herc!"

"Laf, please." Peggy looked at him desperately. "Just go to bed."

Something about that look made Laf realize that Peggy was trying to help him. He slowly stood up as Peggy helped him up, and he collapsed on his bed, his pillow soon soaked with tears.

Peggy sat on the edge of the bed, gently running her hand from his hand down to his back. "Shh...I'm right here, Laf. I'm right here." Even after he fell asleep she stayed there for the rest of the night with him.


	21. Epilogue-End Of Part One

Laf stepped into Herc's room after the funeral. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. "Why did you leave? WHY?" He screamed as tears ran down his face. "I loved you and you left me!"

He sunk to the floor. "Why? I didn't hate you...I didn't want you to leave…"

He glanced up, taking everything in. The sun was filtering through the window onto the desk, on which Laf could see multiple drawings still scattered over it, as if Herc would come back at any moment to finish up another design.

He continued looking over the room until his eyes landed on a small box at the floor of the bed. There was a letter set on top of it, with his name written in Herc's handwriting. Wiping the tears out his eyes, he gingerly picked up the note and opened it, his hands shaking.

 _Hi Laf. I'm starting off right away by telling you this isn't your fault. Don't ever think that it is, and don't let anyone else make you think that. I do t want you to ever worry about being hurt by me again. I couldn't stand it when I saw that fearful look in your eyes. It's not your fault for giving me that look, it's mine for doing something that would make you look at me that way. As for the box,you can have what's inside of it. It's what I want you to have, but if you don't want it, feel free to get rid of it._

 _I love you, always and forever,_

 _-Herc M._

Laf set the letter down and looked at the box. It wasn't much wider than the letter itself, and Laf was curious as to what was in it. He pulled it open and realized what it was immediately. _Herc's beanie? He-he gave it to me?_ Laf thought as he pulled it out of the box. _This...this is it...he's really gone…_ he finally accepted as he tugged the beanie onto his head. _I'll wear it for you, Herc. Always and forever._


	22. Ch-1, Pt-2

I sit down on the dew-covered grass. "Happy birthday, Herc." I say softly, trying hard not to cry. It's almost been a year. One year that you've been gone. This would've been your twenty-second birthday.

I don't care that talking to a headstone might be considered strange. I think, or hope, really, that maybe your spirit is still here. Maybe you're listening to me right now. "I miss you...I miss you a lot." Now I'm choking on tears.

I'm still wearing the beanie. I rarely take it off. I guess it comforts me to have a small piece of you with me. But I wish you were really here. I produce a small piece of fabric from my pocket and place it on the ground in front of your stone. I figure it's more significant than flowers, and a better birthday gift.

I placed my forehead against the headstone, letting my tears flow freely. I want you back so bad. As I'm crying, I feel a warmth enveloping me. I like to think that it is you.

I slowly get up off of the ground. I don't know how long I was here for. "Happy birthday," I say once more. "I'll be back with flowers tomorrow."


	23. Ch-2, Pt-2

"Told you I'd be back with flowers." I say, placing a bouquet that was a mix of roses and carnations in front of your stone. There are other bouquets already here, one of them a mix of blue, yellow, and pink flowers, no doubt left by the Schuyler Sisters.

I began tracing over the engraved letters on your stone, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks. "I think of you every day." I say quietly.

I pull my knees up to my chest and just sit in the silence, thinking.

Thomas has stopped bothering me. Most of the time, at least. He's dating James now. I wonder if I should warn James what Thomas can become.

I hear dry leaves crunch and slowly turn my head to see Alexander and John walking over here, each with a bouquet of flowers in their hands as well.

John bent down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Hey, Laf." He says softly. "How long have you been here?"

I shrug in response. "An hour, maybe?" I say. "I lost track of time a while ago."

"Oh." He and Alex both set their flowers down, then sat on either side of me.

I let tears run down my face in streams. I've cried in front of John and Alex tons of times before, there was no need to feel embarrassed.

Alex squeezes me tightly. "We're here for you, 'kay Laf?"

"D'accord." I replied. You were the one that opened me back up again. You were the first one I held a conversation with after seven months of silence. You made me feel safe.

"We're not leaving you." John says softly. "Do you want to talk?"

"I want him back."

"Oh, Laf, I know." Alex says sympathetically. "We all do."

"I miss him. I miss him more than anything."

John hugs me. "You'll see him again, someday."

"That day can't be soon enough."

"Shh." John says softly. "He would want you to enjoy your life."

That reduces me to bawling. I can't even speak. I know that that's what you would want for me, but it's hard when you're not here. I can't imagine being with anyone other than you. It's hard to move on. I know I'll have to eventually, but not yet. Not after only a year. The three of us sit there for most of the day, but don't really notice until the sun begins to sink behind the tall buildings.

"C'mon, Laf. Time to go. You can come back later." Alex says to me.

I reluctantly get up and follow John and Alex back to our college nearby. I flop onto my bed and hug my pillow tightly, still thinking of you. At least this day is almost over.

 **So I'm basically really stressed right now because everything's an absolute mess and I keep getting a bunch of projects in school. Instead of working on those projects like a good student, I'm stress writing. And apparently when I stress write everything is sad. It's also opening night for our school's play and I'm hoping I don't screw up my lines too badly. I might do more of these little extras, what do you guys think?**


	24. Ch-3, Pt-2

Alex and John always walk me to and from my classes. They're afraid Thomas will harass me again. The three of us begin to walk down the path when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to see James standing in front of me.

"Lafayette, do you have the notes for our english class?" He asks. "I missed class today."

I'm about to reply when Alex interrupts. "Get outta here, Madison." He snarls. "You don't have any right to talk to Laf."

He shrinks back. "Sorry...I was just wondering…"

"It's okay." I say, pushing Alex back. "How about I copy the notes tonight and give them to you tomorrow?"

He smiles. "Alright, thanks."

"James!" His face pales as he hears Thomas shout at him.

"I gotta go." He says, running toward Thomas.

"C'mon Laf, let's go." John says, pulling gently on my arm.

But I don't move. I know I should've warned James about Thomas, but the real question is if he would listen to me. I know I didn't want to listen to John and Alex when they were trying to help me.

As James runs up to Thomas, he immediately gets yelled at. Thomas is practically screaming at him. About what, I can only guess. I almost know what's going to happen next, and sprint over there before either of my friends can stop me. As Thomas raises his hand, I step in front of James. I'm the one who gets slapped.

It stings, and it's clear it's only frustrated Thomas more, but I stay standing protectively in front of James.

"Get outta here, Marie." Thomas snarls at me.

I can see Alex and John running over here, and stay standing firm. I'm scared. Really scared. I know Thomas can hurt me, but it doesn't matter because I'm protecting James. James has always been nice to me. He doesn't deserve to be hurt either.

My friends make it over here and shove their way in between Thomas and myself. From what I can tell, James is still standing behind me. While Alex and John are arguing with Thomas, I turn around to talk to James.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

He nods. "Why'd you do that?"

"You shouldn't have to get hurt."

"Yeah, well, neither should you."

We pull away from the group and begin to walk. "It...It's fine." I reply simply.

"Is it?"

I nod. "Yeah." I'm silent for a moment. "You aren't going to like this, but just listen. You should break up with him. He'll only get more violent. It's in your best interest."

He looks shocked for a moment, then sighs. "I know. I'm just scared."

"It's okay to be scared." I reply softly. Looking at him, I realize how much he looks like Herc. Just smaller. I start to tear up and James hugs me gently.

"Thanks, Laf."

"You're welcome."


	25. Ch-4, Pt-2

A day has passed since James asked me for the English notes. Alex and John are out right now, so I'm least expecting it when there's a knock on the door. I figure it's them coming back because they forgot something, including their room key. I answer the door and am shocked to see James.

He has a black and blue bruise beginning to form around his left eye. He has smaller bruises all over, and his lip is split and bleeding.

"Can-can I come in?" He asks, sounding choked up. It's quite clear he's holding back tears.

"Of course." I reply, and the smaller boy practically collapses into my arms as he begins to sob. I carefully help him over to the couch, and the two of us sit there, James clinging to me as if I'm some sort of life support.

"I-I didn't want to…" I hear James mutter through his sobs. "I didn't want to g-give him what he wanted…"

"You're safe now, it's okay." I reply softly.

James continued to cry, soaking my shirt. "H-he didn't give me a choice!" He wails.

"Hey, you're okay now." I say, continuing to try to comfort him.

"I shoulda never told him...he doesn't cease to blackmail me!"

"Tell him what, James?" I ask softly.

He ignores my question and continues to sob. Slowly, his tears let up. "S-sorry…"

"What for?"

"For just coming in on you like that." He says softly. "And for soaking your shirt."

"It's alright, I'll just change out of it later."

"You can do it now. It's probably really uncomfortable."

"You sure?" I ask, unwilling to leave him since he just stopped crying.

"Yeah, it's fine."

"Alright." I get up and go to my room, pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it in the laundry. I begin to search through my closet for a clean shirt when I hear knocking on the door. "One moment, please!" I shout, guessing it is Alex and John back from their date. I continue to look through my closet when once again my ears are met with pounding on the door. "Fine, fine, I'm coming!" I shout, walking bare chested across the dorm.

I swing the door open and find myself face to face with Thomas.

"Where's James?"

"Why would I know that?" I reply. I've always been bad at lying, but I hope for James' sake that Thomas believes me.

"Don't lie to me, Marie. You know where she is."

"Who's 'she'?"

"Her! James! Where is she?"

Thomas has lost it. He was mental before, but now he's being an absolute lunatic.

"I don't know where James is, Thomas." I say, trying to stay calm.

"You still call me Thomas?" He asks. "So you do still care. If you really don't know where James is, you could come back to my dorm with me." I feel his eyes raking across my bare chest. "You may have left me, but you're still hot." He wraps his hands around my waist. "Wanna have some fun, Marie?"

I immediately shove him backwards. "Keep your hands off of me!" I shout.

"Then where's James?"

"I'm right here, Tom." He says, emerging from around the corner. "Laf and I are partners for a biology project." He says. "I was just talking to him about it."

"Tell me before you leave next time." He says, grabbing onto him and pulling him out the door.

"Okay." He says, quickly turning his head and looking at me helplessly before Thomas pulls him away.


	26. Ch-5, Pt-2

"How was your date?" I ask Alex and John as they walk in the door.

"It was good." John replies, sitting down on the couch with Alex next to him. "How was your two hours alone?"

"Interesting." I reply simply. I'm still worried about James. The look that he gave me as Thomas pulled him away was clearly one of distress.

"What, did Thomas come bug you?" Alex asks.

"He came to find James."

"Why would he come here to find James?"

"Because James was here." I reply.

"Why'd you let him in here?"

"Alex, he was beat up!" I exclaim. "He's bruised all over. Thomas hurt him."

"Maybe he deserved it. He should've known what he was getting himself into." Alex shrugs.

"Excuse me?" I ask in disbelief. "When Thomas and I were dating, that's not what you said. You told me I should've broken up with him! You didn't say I deserved it."

"James watched Thomas hurt you, do you remember that?" Alex shot back. "He sat there and watched while Thomas hurt you! He knew Thomas was abusive, and what does he do? Dates him anyway!"

"Alex, you're not being fair." John says. "James doesn't deserve to be hurt either."

"He had it coming." Alex replies, arms crossed.

"No, he didn't." I reply.

"Since when are you friends with James?"

"He's always been nice to me. I'm only trying to help him out." I reply simply. "Thomas treats him horribly. It's bad, Alex. It's really bad."

"Fine, then why don't you go check on him instead of standing here?"

I gulp. I do not want to go to Thomas's dorm by myself. But it's also James' dorm. I hate that Alex is yelling at me like this. I hate it a lot. But I nod. "Fine. If you won't help him, then I will." I push open the door and run down the hallway towards their dorm.

I knock on the door and stand there for a minute, nervously fidgeting while bouncing on my heels. Then the door swings open.

Thomas looked down at me. "What are you doing here, Marie?"

"Where's James?"

"She's busy."

"Why do you keep calling him a girl?"

Thomas leans in towards me. "Because she is a girl. Duh." He replies, looking me in the eye.

"Where is he?" I ask again.

"I told you, Jamie's busy. She'll be busy for a while." Thomas replies, standing back up. "Do you want me to tell Jamie you were here?"

"I want to see James, now!" I try to sound demanding.

"Too bad, darling, that just isn't going to happen." He says before slamming the door in my face.


	27. Ch-6, Pt-2

**James' P.O.V**

"Tom? Who was that?" I ask as he walks back into the room.

"No one of much importance." He replies. He's mad. And when he's mad, I get hurt. He lunges and shoves me backwards onto the bed. Now he's on top of me. I don't dare move, so instead I try to focus on my breathing.

"Why'd he come to see you?"

"W-who?" I stutter out.

"Marie. Why the hell did he come to see you?"

Laf came to see me? "I-I don't know why, Tom."

He presses hard on my chest. "I suggest you tell me the truth. Now."

Tears leak out of my eyes. "I don't know, Tom." I say in a whisper. "I really don't know…"

He slowly relieves some of the pressure on my chest. "You better be telling me the truth, Jamie."

"That's not my name."

"Really? Because that's what your birth records say it is." He taunts.

"That's not my fault." I reply in a rather whiny tone.

"Doesn't matter if it's your fault or not." He replies. "That's what your name is."

"I shoulda never told you."

"Jamie, I would've found out anyway. You know I would have."

I'm silent. I have no response to that.

He leans in and places his lips against mine. He's pinned me between him and the bed. Eventually, he rolls off of me, laying on his side on the bed.

"You're perfect, you know that?" Thomas says, placing his hand on my shoulder and placing it along my side.

I'm confused. What's with the sudden compliment?

"You'd look even better if you took your binder off~" He purrs into my ear.

Why does he try to strip me of everything that makes me 'me'? He tries constantly to make me uncomfortable in my own skin. I shake my head. "I'm not taking it off, Thomas."

"Please?" He begins to inch his hands underneath my shirt.

I pull away from him. "No." I slide off of the bed. "I have to do something."

Thomas bolts up. "No, you don't." He steps in front of the door, blocking my only way out. I'm scared now. Really scared. Why didn't I listen to Laf and break up with him?

He advances on me, stretching his arms out and gripping my shoulders tightly. "You aren't leaving." He says in a menacing tone.

I spin around, causing him to release his grip on me, then turn and bolt out the door. I sprint down the hallway, even though it's bad for my asthma. Thomas is still chasing me down the hallway, and I continue to run until coming to Laf's dorm. Without bothering to knock, I shove the door open and run straight to Laf's room.

He looks up, surprised to see me. As he looks me over, his expression turns from shocked to one of concern and worry. "What happ-" he's interrupted by Thomas barging in.

He jumps up and stands in front of me protectively. I'm surprised at this. Thomas was horrible to him, and I would think he'd want to put more distance between them. But instead, he's standing in front of me, being the only thing to keep me out of harm's way. I can see he's shaking. He's trying so hard to be brave.

"G-get outta here, Thomas."

"Why should I?"

"You don't belong in here. Get out." Laf replies, his voice still shaky. I look around and see Laf's phone sitting on his bed. It's quite clear Thomas isn't going to leave.

I grab the phone and pray that there isn't a password enabled. There isn't. I know it's rude to go onto someone's phone without asking, but I think Laf will understand.

"Get out of my way." Thomas says. "And then I'll get out."

Laf shook his head. "You're gonna hurt James. I'm not moving."

I found a chat group with Alex and John, sending a quick message saying what was going on. Hopefully they'd come.

"Jamie will be fine with me." Thomas replies. "Now move."

"I-I'm not moving." Laf stutters out, clearly getting nervous.

Thomas loses his patience and hits Laf-hard-on the side of his head. Laf let's out a yelp of pain, wrapping his hands around his head as he fall on the floor. Thomas advances on me, wrapping his hand tightly around my wrist.

At this moment, Alex and John burst into the room. Whether it's because they heard Laf or saw the text, I don't know.

John races over to Laf, while Alex turns and punches Tom. Thomas releases me, and I pull away, looking at the fingerprint marks around my wrist. Within a few minutes, Alex has successfully gotten Thomas out of the room.

Alex turns to Laf, who is now sitting up. "You okay?" He asks, bending down.

"I-I'm okay…" Laf whispers, still holding his hand up to his head. Tears are streaming down his face.

"You sure?" John asks.

Laf nods, looking at me. "Are you okay, James?"

Alex and John turn their heads, as if they are just noticing me.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I reply softly.

Alex explodes on me. "What is wrong with you?! This is the second time Thomas has come and bugged Laf because of you! You know what Thomas did to him! He doesn't want to deal with your problems! Why do you come to Laf anyway?"

"B-because he's my friend…" I stutter out. He is my friend...right?

"You really think that? You sat and watched while Thomas hurt him! You really think he'd want to-"

"Alexander! Stop!" Laf shouts, stopping the verbal attack. "It's not James' fault."

Alex turns, staring at him in disbelief. "You're actually friends with him?"

Laf nods. "He's just as much my friend as you and John."

"Whatever. I'm done." Alex says, walking out of the room. John slowly follows behind him.

Laf looks at me, and I look right back at him. "S-sorry…"

Laf shakes his head. "It's fine. Alex gets like that sometimes…" He's stopped crying, but still looks really upset.

"If I really do bug you, I can stop coming here. That way Thomas won't bother you." I say. I don't want to stop coming, but I'm not going to force Laf to help me if he doesn't want to.

"Non. Mon ami, you can come here whenever you want. I might not always be here, but if coming here makes you feel safe," he shrugs. "then come here. I won't stop you."

"Really?"

He nods. "Oui. I know what Thomas can be like. You need somewhere safe." He's quiet for a moment. "Have you considered breaking up with him?"

"I-I have...but I can't."

"Why not?"

"He...he knows something. He's threatened to tell everyone if I don't do what he wants." I reply.

"Okay." Laf nods. He scootches over to me and wraps his arm around me in a hug.

It's a strange sensation, to actually feel safe in someone's arms. But that's exactly how I feel right now. Safe.


	28. Ch-7, Pt-2

**James' P.O.V**

 _"I don't want to! Thomas, please, I don't want to!" I begged as Thomas pinned me to the bed._

 _"Too bad." He replied, pulling my shirt off._

 _"Thomas, Thomas please stop!" I continued to cry._

 _"Shut up!"_

 _"I don't want to!" I tried to curl up to prevent him from taking my binder off, but he forced my arms away from my chest._

 _"I don't care if you don't want to." He replied._

 _"Please stop!" This is my body, I don't want him to take it and use it as he wants. "Please stop, Thomas!" I screamed. "PLEASE ST-"_

 _He pressed his mouth against mine, shoving his tongue into my mouth to keep me from screaming. I cried, but it didn't matter anyway. No one was coming to save me_.

* * *

I wake up to find myself on the floor in Laf's room, his arms wrapped around me. I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep.

"Are you okay?" He asks. There's worry in his voice.

"N-no…" I reply, choking on my tears. "I...I had a nightmare." I sound so childish.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I know he's just trying to help, but I really don't want to. I shake my head.

"It was just a bad memory." I reply. "I'll be fine."

He pulls me in closer, which only makes me nervous. "You need to talk to someone, mon ami."

"I don't have anyone to talk to."

"You have me." He replies. "Though, I understand if you don't want to talk to me."

"It...it's just difficult."

"I know." He nods. "But if you don't talk to someone, your mental stability is gonna go way down." He's quiet for a moment. "I mean, I tried to kill myself and then stopped speaking for seven months, so…"

"You...you what?"

He nods slowly. "Why do you think I was gone the next few days after Thomas got expelled?"

"I…I didn't really know…" I say, feeling guilty. "You weren't in any of my classes anyway, so I figured you had just gone back to sitting with Alex and John." I hear sobbing and I turn to see him crying. Did I do something wrong? "Laf?"

He bolts up and rushes out of the room. I stay sitting, unsure if I should follow. He returns a few minutes later, wiping the tears out of his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Obviously he's not, but I don't know what else to say.

"P-panic attack." He stutters out. "It's b-been a while since I've had one, but with Thomas coming in, and thinking back to high school…"

I get up and hug him gently. "It's not anything I did, is it? If it is, I'm sorry."

He looks at me and only cries harder. What'd I do? Why is he crying just by looking at me? But then he hugs me. I sit down on the bed and he collapses onto my lap.

"I-I'm sorry." He finally says through his tears. "It's just-well, you're so much like Herc. He...he apologized when he thought he triggered a panic attack, too. A-and the fact that you even look like him, and I just...I miss him so damn much!"

I gently rub Laf's back, unsure how else to calm him down. "I'm sorry. I can leave if you want." Seeing me is probably torture to him.

"No, I shouldn't think of you as Herc." Laf replies. "It's not good for either of us. It's unhealthy for me to think that way, and then I'd probably treat you differently as well."

"Oh." I'm quiet.

"I just want him back…" Laf whispers. I'm not sure if he's talking to me or to himself, but I give him a gentle hug.

"I'm not sure what to say, because I've never gone through that kind of loss, but I'll listen if you need to talk, okay?"

He nods, with soft whimpering. "Okay."


	29. Ch-8, Pt-2

**Laf's P.O.V**

It's been over a year since I've had a panic attack. I thought I was better. But apparently I'm not. What I am is a crying mess in James Madison's lap.

Why does he care about me so much? I mean, I know I protected him from Thomas earlier, but that still doesn't explain much. I'm worried about James. What could Thomas have done to make him cry like that, to give him such a horrific nightmare that it causes him to cry like that? Honestly, if I'm being truthful, a lot of things. I slowly stop my tears and sit up.

The two of us sit in silence for a moment.

"Can I stay here for the night? Please?" James begs me. "Thomas...he'll-he'll-"

"Shh. Of course you can stay here." I reply. "Hey, James?" I then ask hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Thomas...he said that you're a...a girl."

"I was a girl." James replies quietly. "Thomas is just a jerk that won't use my correct pronouns!" He bursts into tears.

I quickly embrace him in a hug.

"Th-that's what he's blackmailing me with. He says that if I don't l-listen to him, he'll tell everyone in the school that I'm a girl, and no one will want me!" He sobs. "And if you feel like calling me a girl too, then fine! I don't care anymore!"

"James," I say softly. "You are a boy. You are a wonderful boy. Thomas is full of shit if he doesn't realize that."

His tears slow. "You really think so?"

"I know so." I reply.

He turns and pecks me on the cheek, a small smile on his face through the tears.

A shocked expression spreads across my face, and James' smile morphs into a look of panic.

"I-I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking, I-I…" he curls up, as if I'm going to hurt him. "I'm sorry…"

I rest my hand gently on his back, at which he flinches. "I'm not mad." I say softly.

He slowly looks up at me. "You...you aren't?"

I shake my head. "Non. Mon ami, I would never be mad at you for something as silly as that."

"Oh...alright."

 **James' P.O.V**

What's wrong with me? What made me kiss him? I'm dating Thomas, I shouldn't be feeling affection towards anyone else!

But I like Laf a lot. He's nice, though I suppose that can change. Thomas was nice. I'm sure he can be nice again, though. He's probably just stressed or something.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"I-I'm sure." What was I thinking, telling Laf I was a girl? What if he uses that to blackmail me as well? I close my eyes, trying to calm down. Hopefully I wouldn't have any bad dreams tonight. I feel the bed slowly rise as Laf gets off of it.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch, alright? If you need anything, just come get me."

"Mmkay." I mumble before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

When I wake I smell food cooking in the kitchen. I get out of bed and see Laf, Alex, and John in the kitchen. Laf's making what looks to be crepes, and Alex and John look to be working on some sort of project. "Good morning." I say quietly.

"Hey, James. Good morning." Laf greets me. Alex turns around and gives me a hard glare.

"What are you doing here?"

"I-I spent the night…" I stutter out. Alex clearly doesn't like me.

"Mon ami, it's fine!" Laf exclaims. "I told him he could."

"Why?"

"Because Thomas has been being a piece of shit, that's why!"

"Thomas is always being a piece of shit. James just has to learn to deal with it." Alex replies.

I shrink back. He's talking as if I'm not here. Should I leave? I turn to go to the door.

"James!" Laf says. "Don't you want something to eat before class?"

Why is he being so kind to me? I don't get it. I didn't do anything to help in senior year, even though I knew what Thomas was doing. So why now is he being so nice?

"Sure, I guess." I shrug as Laf hands me a plate with two crepes.

"If you want more, just ask." Laf says. "I have plenty."

"Alright." I go and sit at the table, across from John and Alex. Laf soon joins me with his own plate of food.

"What classes do you guys have today?" Laf asks.

"Debate and criminology." Alexander replies.

"Just biology." John says.

"James?" Laf turns to me. "How about you?"

"Advanced trig." I reply, keeping my voice soft.

"Oh, really? Me too. I didn't realize you were in that class with me."

"Yeah, I guess I didn't realize either." Yet another time when I didn't notice Laf. I feel guilty.

"Alright, well, I'm done." Laf gets up and sets his plate in the sink, then goes into his room to get ready.

Alex looks up at me. "What's wrong with you?"

"What?"

"You have a boyfriend, don't you? So why are you constantly hanging on Laf now?"

"You were friends with Laf when Thomas and him were dating...obviously you know how he can get." I reply. "Laf just...understands. He listens to me."

"Don't you understand how much trauma he went through? With you constantly dumping your problems on him, he's going to relive all of that! You're gonna make him miserable!"

I don't like people shouting at me. I wasn't aware that having me around would do that to Laf.

"He told us you gave him a panic attack last night!" Alex shouts. "Get outta here before you give him another one!"

"Alex, relax." John says calmly.

"No! John, our job as Laf's friend is to protect him! Which means James needs to get out!"

"What is going on?" Laf steps out of the room, his shirt off. "Alexander! What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me! You should realize it's bad for you to have James around! It's-"

I don't hear the rest because I have bolted out the door. It's clear Alex doesn't like me, and he's probably right, I'll just make Laf miserable. I run back to my dorm and slam the door behind me, only to find myself face-to-face with Thomas, his arms crossed.

"So, you finally decided to show up?" He says, pressing me up against the door. "We've gotta make up for lost time."

Now I realize that coming here was a mistake, but there's nothing I can do. There's no way to get out of this. So, I just keep my mouth shut and don't argue as Thomas leads me to his bed.


	30. Ch-9, Pt-2

"James!" I call as he bolts out of the room. I turn on Alex. "What was that for?"

"What do you think?" Alex shouts at me. "Having him around is bad for you, Laf! You can't have him dumping his problems on you! What you went through with Thomas...you shouldn't have to relive that. What if you get depressed?" He slows down, looking at me with worry in his eyes. "What if you try to kill yourself again?"

"And what if James tries to kill himself because of Thomas?"

"It's not like it would be your fault. You can't control who lives and who dies." Alex replies, shrugging indifferently.

Even John looks shocked at Alex's comment.

"What is wrong with you? Do you have no respect for life?"

"I've told you once, and I'll tell you again, James should've known what he was getting into when he started to date Thomas!"

I realize I'm still holding my shirt in my hand, and I pull it over my head before continuing to speak. "Alex. He has no one else to go to. I'm not going to push him away."

Alex narrows his eyes at me. "You're in love with him, aren't you? Only a year and you've already moved on?"

"No, I haven't moved on! I don't like James!" I don't think I do, anyway.

"Herc deserved better than you!" Alex screams at me.

I can't take it. I grab my bag and sprint out of the dorm. I know Herc deserved better than me. I try to hold back tears as I head to my advanced trig class.

I sit down in the middle row and put my head down, sobbing silently. There's still about twenty minutes until class starts, so hopefully no one, or at least very few people will see me crying.

"Laf? What's wrong?"

I look up to see Eliza Schuyler with her girlfriend, Maria Reynolds.

"Thomas wasn't bugging you again, was he?" Eliza asks.

"N-no…" I stutter out. "Alex was screaming at me."

"About what?" Maria questions.

"About h-how he thinks I shouldn't b-be friends with James…"

"James? Like, my brother?" Maria asks.

"No, James Madison." I reply, shaking my head. "Alex thinks hanging out with James is bad for my mental health, and how I shouldn't let him dump all his problems on me!" I say, sobbing. "And then he said that Herc deserved better than me, because for some reason, he thinks I have a crush on James!"

Both Eliza and Maria embrace me in a hug.

"Laf, you were the only one who deserved Herc." Eliza says. "You are the best person he could've gotten. And, I'm not saying this specifically about James, but if you do find someone else you like, I'm sure Herc would want you to pursue them."

"Do you think it's bad for your mental health?" Maria asks.

"N-no."

"Then keep listening to James. Help him. But if it does start to affect you, just tell him, okay? You're being a good friend."

"Now," Eliza says, standing up. "I'm going to find Alex, and I'm going to pound him for making you cry!"

"Keep doing what you're doing, okay, Laf." Maria says, also standing up. "You really are being a good friend." She then hurries out the door, trying to catch up to Eliza.

Class is about to start, and students begin to trickle in through the doors. I desperately look for James, but he's nowhere in sight. Then class starts and James still doesn't show. He rarely misses class. Where is he?

Class drags on forever. I'm about ready to just get up and leave, when class finally, finally ends. I bolt up and race across campus. I enter the dorm and then go to my room, praying that James is there. He isn't.

I throw my bag down and run back into the hallway. I begin to run towards his and Thomas' dorm. Just as I get there, James steps out of the door, shaking.

"Where were you during class?" I ask him.

"W-with Thomas…" he whimpers.

I wrap my arms around him in a gentle hug. He leans into me.

"C-can I go back to your dorm?" He asks quietly.

"Oui." I reply. The two of us begin to walk back in silence, other than James' soft crying.

When we make it to my room, James collapses on the bed and begins to sob.

"James?"

"I want to die! I hate this! I hate my life!" He screams.

I sit on the bed. "Don't say that, James. Please don't say that."

"But I want to!" He sits up, his eyes puffy. "Everyone hates me!"

"I don't hate you." I reply, pulling him into a hug. He buries his face in my chest.

"Why does Thomas hurt me?"

The way he said that made him sound like a small, innocent, child. "I don't know." I reply, gently running my hand through his short, curly black hair. "I really don't know." I'm silent for a moment. "I'm sorry Alexander yelled at you this morning."

"I-it's okay. It's not y-your fault he doesn't like me." He chokes out between sobs.

"Don't run next time, okay? I stepped out of my room just as you left."

"You did?" James looks up.

"Yeah." I reply. "Look, Alex is just being stupid. He's jumping to conclusions about everything!"

"Like what?"

"For starters, because I've been nice to you, he automatically assumes that I'm crushing on you!"

"Heh...that is pretty ridiculous."

"I know it is!" I reply. "But seriously, don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Okay." James says quietly. He seems upset. Was it something I said?

"Something bothering you?"

"Other than Thomas constantly hurting me? No, everything is fine."

He seems upset, but I don't want to press for information. "Alright, James. But if you ever want to talk…"

"I know." He puts his head back down and stops talking. He really needs help.

 **Okay, so a bit of an Author's note. Obviously I am not done with this story, but once the summer months come, updates will slow because I am EXTREMELY busy during the summer. Also thanking all of my readers, you guys are amazing and the coninued support I get in the reviews section from you guys is just awesome!**

 **Also, is there any chance any of you guys go to Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp over the summer? I'm going and I honestly think it'd be really cool to meet some of my readers!**

 **Again, you're all awesome, and I'll see you next update!**


	31. Ch-10, Pt-2

**James P.O.V**

Laf doesn't love me. He doesn't even have a crush on me. I had been hoping that maybe, if I were to break up with Thomas, there'd still be someone who would love me for who I am. I was hoping that someone would be Laf. But it's not. It looks like I'll be stuck with Thomas forever.

So now I'm curled up on Laf's bed, trying not to cry about knowing I'm stuck with someone who will hurt me the rest of my life.

"James? James, please talk to me." I hear Laf begging. "You're scaring me, James, please say something. Was it something I said?"

"No, I'm fine." I mutter.

"James, please. I'm only trying to help."

"I know you are." I say.

"Has...has Thomas cut you before?" I'm confused. Where is he going with this?

"Yeah...once or twice. Why?"

"Just wondering. Where'd he cut?"

"A-all along my waist."

I feel Laf carefully wrap his arms around me. I tense at first, then relax.

"What are you doing?" I ask, nervous.

"Hugging you. I'm sorry I can't protect you from Thomas."

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

"I know, but still…I wish I could help."

You could help by asking me out. By loving me. I think, but I don't say that. "You're helping right now, just by listening." I reply.

We hear the door slam. Laf groans. "Wonderful. Alex and John must be back."

"Is Alex gonna scream at me again?"

"Hopefully not." Laf replies.

Laf's room door bangs open and I look up to see Alex. He already looks angry, but his frown deepens-subtly, but it does-when he sees me.

"Mon ami, what's wrong?"

"Martha Manning, that's what's wrong." Alex grumbles. "Because that's who John's with right now."

"Don't they have a project in biology together?"

"I don't care! She kept flirting with him in calculus the other day! It's sickening!" Alex exclaims. "What if she gets John to cheat on me?"

"Mon ami, I believe you are forgetting John doesn't like girls."

"But what if, Laf?"

"John would never do anything to hurt you, Alexander."

I feel awkward sitting in the middle of this conversation, though I understand Alex's disgust at Martha. She's almost as popular as the Schuyler sisters, though nowhere near as nice.

"I know, but I can't help but worry."

"Even if he were to cheat on you, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be with her." I say, unable to avoid commenting. "You, for one, are a lot nicer. Well, to other people, anyway." Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

He chuckles. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He sighs, and then is quiet for a moment. "I guess...sorry. For yelling at you this morning. It wasn't very fair of me. Sorry to you too, Laf."

Laf arches his eyebrow. "Did Eliza tell you to say that?"

"No. But she did scream at me. A lot. She was almost as scary as Angie."

Laf chuckles. "No one is as scary as Angie when she gets mad."

"True." Alex responds. "Okay, nice chat, but I need to work on an essay that's due next month."

Laf rolls his eyes, but nods. "Okay, Alex." Alex turns and walks out of the room. "At least he apologized." Laf says.

"Yeah...hey, Laf?"

"Oui?"

"If I ever do break up with Thomas, will you let me move into your dorm?"

"I would be okay with it." He replies. "I don't think John would mind, and Alex...he might just need some convincing."

"Okay," I nod. "Laf, do you have a clock in here?"

"Non, I usually just use my phone. Are you wondering what time it is?"

"Yeah, Thomas gets back from class at five, so that's when I should be back to the dorm." I pull out my phone to check. Four fifteen.

"Who are the kids in your background?" Laf asks. "Siblings?"

I smile. "Nope. That's Thomas and me."

"Wow. How long have you guys known each other?"

"Seventh grade. I think that about when this picture was taken. We had just moved."

* * *

 _I hadn't wanted to move. I didn't want to go to a new neighborhood, much less a new state. But no, here I was, in New York, rather than my home state of Virginia._

 _As of the moving, I stayed inside the house for the first week. Then, at about six thirty on a Tuesday evening, the doorbell rang. Surprised at the sudden noise, I jumped. I set my book down and went to answer the door. Standing in front of me was a boy with poofy brown hair._

 _"My mom said I should bring these over to you guys, since you're our neighbors now." The boy said, passing me a plate full of cookies. "I live next door, the big house on the right. Name's Thomas. You?"_

 _"James." I replied._

 _"James? That's an odd name for a girl."_

 _I frowned. "I'm a guy." I replied, my arms crossed._

 _"Sorry, you're very feminine in appearance."_

 _"I get that a lot. It doesn't make it any less insulting, though."_

 _"Sorry. Well, James, do you want to come over to my house? I just got the new Call Of Duty for my Xbox." He smiled at me._

 _"I'd love to, but my mom's not here right now. Maybe tomorrow?"_

 _"Yeah, that's fine. See you tomorrow then?"_

 _"Yeah. Tomorrow." I replied, smiling back at him._

* * *

"I didn't know you had moved."

"Yeah. It was during the summer, so I had time to make friends before school started. Alex was one of those friends, actually."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. We weren't the best of friends, but he and I would hang out if Thomas wasn't around."

"Oh."

"Yeah." I sigh. "I miss when Thomas was nice. When we were friends he was so much kinder...sure, he was kinda bossy, but he never hurt me like how he does now."

Laf wraps his arms around me. "I agree. Why did he ever bother to ask either of us out when he only turns around and hurts us instead?"

I nod. "There's gotta be some kindness somewhere...don't you think he could be nice again?"

Laf shrugs. "I don't know. I mean, I had hoped that at one point too, that he would treat me like an actual human with actual feelings, but now...honestly, I doubt it."

I lean into Laf. Why do I feel myself falling for him? Thomas will get better. Thomas is my boyfriend. He loves me, and I love him. There should be no one else I think of other than him. And yet, there's Laf, always on the edge of my thoughts. What if Thomas were to somehow find out? What would Thomas do if he were to find out that instead of himself, I was in love with Lafayette?

 **Okay, so if it's kind of confusing, I'm sorry. The flashback was not something James was telling to Laf, it was just kind of a break in the chapter, almost? Like, no time passed between James' sentence before the line break and Laf's sentence after the line break. Does that make sense?**

 **Thanks for reading, and I'll see you all next update!**


	32. Ch-11, Pt-2

**Laf's P.O.V**

It's interesting how quickly James became comfortable around me. It's only been a few days, and he's already told me quite a bit about himself. I want to help him. I want to help him get away from Jefferson. With him saying he wanted to die...that was really worrying. Now I'm holding the smaller boy in my lap. He's quiet, and seems to be lost in thought.

"At least Alex didn't yell at you." I say softly.

"Mm-hmm." He mutters. His hands are fidgeting in his lap, and I can't help but worry about him. What's going on in his head?

* * *

 **James' P.O.V**

I'm having a hard time staying still. I'm having a hard time staying in this room. What if I say something that makes Laf hate me? Then I'll be completely alone.

I have never really contemplated death before, but now, with Thomas constantly abusing me, I'm starting to think it might be the better option. I run my finger along my arm, digging my nail into my skin.

Laf notices and grabs onto my hand, pulling it away from the arm I'm scratching.

"Don't." He says, his voice shaking slightly. "Please, please don't." I notice tears in the corners of his eyes. "I already lost one person I care about. Please don't be the second."

He cares about me? It may not be a romantic relationship, but at least he cares about me. It's more than I expected him to. "You...you care?"

"Of course I care." He gave me a gentle squeeze. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Thomas doesn't care, and he says he loves me." I mutter.

"Do you think he loves you?" God, Laf's voice is so soothing.

"Maybe at one point he did, but now...I don't think so…" my eyes are tearing up, blurring my vision.

"Shh, James, je suis desolé, I didn't mean to make you upset!" He exclaimed.

I have no idea what "je suis desolé" means, but the way Laf says it calms me.

I wipe my tears away. "What does that mean?"

"It means 'I'm sorry'. When I'm nervous or upset I often switch over to French. If it bugs you, I can try to withhold it."

"No, you don't need to stop." I reply. "It's kinda cute." I immediately clap my hands over my mouth. I knew I was going to mess this up.

"Cute?" Laf says slowly. "Like...like you think I'm cute?"

I nod, embarrassed. "I can go now." I say quietly, pushing Laf's arms off of me and getting up. I push the door open, my tears clouding my vision.

"James!" Laf rushes towards me and grabs onto my wrist. "I'm not mad at you, I'm really not."

I push him away. "Just leave me alone, Marie!" I know I shouldn't have done that. I know he hates to be called that. I rush out of the dorm and back to my own. It's only four forty-five, which is why I'm surprised to see Thomas sitting on the couch.

He looks up as I slam the door. "Where've you been?"

"Don't you have class until late today?" I ask.

"No, that's tomorrow. So, where have you been?"

"Uh…"

"Where have you been, Jemmy?"

Great. Now he's using his pet name for me.

"Don't make me repeat myself again…"

"I...I was with Laf…"

"What were you doing with him?"

"W-we were just talking…"

"Then why are you in tears?"

I'm surprised at this. Thomas would never notice if I was crying, much less sound like he actually cared.

"I...I made him mad at me…"

"You made Laf mad at you? He hardly gets mad at anyone. Whatever you did, you must've really screwed up."

Why isn't Thomas getting mad at me? As soon as I said I was with Laf he should've hit me or screamed at me or something. The delayed reaction is making me nervous.

"I know I really screwed up."

Thomas stands up and walks over to me, causing me to flinch as he wraps his hands gently around my waist. I freeze as he leans down and kisses my forehead. "Laf won't stay mad at you."

That was the first time I heard Thomas call Lafayette 'Laf'. His fingers are pushing on my skin, pressing against the cuts. I'm trying hard not to whimper in pain.

"Do you wanna talk?"

I look up at him. The cold, hard mask that he usually wears isn't covering his face. Instead, he looks...worried. Is that possible for Thomas, to care about someone other than himself? I'm tempted to nod. Yes, I want to talk. I want someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything is going to be okay. But I stop myself. I don't want that person to be Thomas, who will just turn around and hurt me again.

"James? Do you want to talk?"

And now he's using my name. Not Jamie. Not Jemmy. He called me James. But I force myself to shake my head. "No. No, I don't want to talk…" I push him backwards, an action I know he'll make me regret later. "Quit trying to act like you care!" I turn and run into my room, locking the door behind me. I flop onto my bed. I am completely and utterly alone now. Laf's mad at me, so I can't go back there…and Thomas...I don't know what's up with him. Whatever it is, it's some trap. He doesn't love me. He wants to use me.

I hear knocking on the door. "James!" Thomas shouts.

"Go away!" I scream. "Why do you think I'd want to talk to you?"

"Because I love you."

"You think I believe that? Never once have you shown you love me, and now you think you can just say it and everything will be better? That's not how it works!"

"James…"

"No, Thomas! No. You can forget about it! You can forget about us! I hate you!" I don't hear knocking anymore. Now I've upset Thomas as well. Great.

If only I could die. Please. Everyone hates me. I'd be doing them a favor. And if Laf did care about me, even a little, he doesn't now.

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

I hear a knock on the door and hope it's James. Unfortunately, I am disappointed to see Thomas standing in front of me.

"Why is James crying?"

"Excuse me?"

"James said you got mad at him. Why?"

"I haven't done anything, but since when have you cared about James?"

"He came back to the dorm in tears. Obviously you did something."

"Why are you caring about him all of a sudden? He's come to me with bruises and cuts from you! I, unlike you, would never hurt him!"

"I've always cared."

"Mm-hmm, because cutting people with a knife is a good way to show that."

"Look, I realize I've been a piece of shit." Thomas says. "Please tell me: how do I help James?"

"You're just now realizing this? You abused me in senior year of high school, and you tortured me throughout freshman and sophomore year of college! I will not tell you how to help James just so you can turn right around and crush him again!" I scream at him. I've snapped. "You've made him hate his life! You've made him want to die!"

I see Thomas getting frustrated with me, and know immediately what's about to happen.

For the second time this week, I have been slapped by Thomas Jefferson.

"Then you talk to him! I was trying to be nice, but I see that didn't work well." He growls before stalking off.

I put my hand up to my face, trying to stop the stinging sensation. Why on earth would Thomas act like he suddenly cares? He did see, a bit calmer than usual, though. Perhaps he's going to therapy, or taking pills or something? I begin to walk to James' dorm.

I push open the door and begin to walk through the dorm. I hear crying behind one door, of which I'm sure has to be James. I hesitantly turn the knob, only to find its locked. Luckily, I have a bobby pin, and I know how to pick locks.

I push the door open. James is curled up on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes widen when he sees me, and he begins to scramble backward as I walk towards him.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" He cries. "Please don't hurt me! Please don't…" he whimpers.

"Hey." I bend down next to him. "I'm not mad, James."

He begins to uncurl. "You're not?" He says through tears.

"Of course not." I stand up. "Let's get you off the floor."

He raises his hands up and I grasp on around his wrists. As I pull him up I notice him wince. "James?"

He stands up, quickly pulling his arms away from me. I grab onto his hand again, making him stretch his arm out, then I carefully push back his sleeve to find red ribbons of blood wrapped around his arm.

"Sorry…" he whispers.

"James…" The cuts don't look too deep, as long as we can get them to stop bleeding he should be okay. I realize I'm shaking slightly. _Calm down._ I tell myself. _It's not like Herc...James isn't going to die._ I have squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to calm myself down.

"Laf? Are you mad?"

I open my eyes and look down at James. "No, of course not, I'm not mad. Let's go back to my dorm and I'll help you put some bandages on your arm."

"Okay."

He follows me out of the room and down the hall to my own dorm. I go into the bathroom and grab the roll of gauze. There's so many cuts that bandages won't be very effective. I come back out to find that James has disappeared. "James?"

"I'm in your room." I walk in to see him sitting on my bed. "Sorry I came in here...just...out there I was afraid Alex was going to come out and yell at me again."

"It's alright." I reply, pushing his sleeve back. The cuts go much further up his arm than I expected, and even though I can't push the sleeve up any further, I can see the beginning of cuts that go farther up his arm. "James...I can't get to all the cuts to wrap the gauze around. Do you think you could take your shirt off? It'll only be for a few minutes."

"Uhm…" he begins fidgeting. "You won't hurt me?"

"Of course not, James. I'm trying to help."

"Alright." He pulls his shirt off and sets it on the bed next to him. His binder comes right down to the bottom of his rib cage, but I can see scars and ugly black-and-blue bruises on his stomach.

"Mon dieu…"

He practically folds in on himself. "Can you just hurry up and put the bandage on? I don't like this. I feel exposed."

"Yeah." I take a wet cloth and wipe away most of the blood. I then dry his arm and begin wrapping the gauze around his arm. "There you go." I say, finishing up.

He quickly puts his shirt back on. "Thanks…"

"No problem." He's looking at me with big eyes. It is-well, more like he is, in the sense that everything he does-is cute. I think I'm falling for James.


	33. Ch-12, Pt-2

**Laf's P.O.V**

Well, I'm back here again. Everyone's in classes, but I have none today. A breeze is blowing gently, and I pull my jacket tighter around myself. Most of the flowers have either withered or blown away. I sit down on the grass-which is still slightly wet from dew-but I don't care.

"What do I do?" I mutter, feeling hopeless. "What do I do?"

James cut himself. He cut himself because he thought I was mad at him. It's my fault.

And what was up with Thomas acting like he cared? I don't get it. He slapped me because I wouldn't tell him how to help James.

I'm so confused.

I press my forehead against the cold stone. "I don't know what to do, Herc." I say quietly. "You would, though. Why can't you be here?" I cry softly.

I just wish everything could go back to normal. That Herc could be here, and he'd hug me and tell me that everything will be okay. In fact, I can almost feel his arms wrapping around me. No. Those are actual arms. Then a black gloved hand slams over my mouth and nose, and everything goes black.

* * *

 **James' P.O.V**

I go to Laf's dorm after classes. I don't want to go back to my dorm. Thomas, no doubt, is gonna hurt me if I go back there.

I push Laf's room door open and drop my bag. "Laf?" He's not here. He should be here. Why isn't he here?

 _Relax_. I tell myself. _Maybe he's running errands or just hanging out with Alex and John._ I reassure myself. _He'll be fine._

I sit down at the desk and begin to work on some of my homework.

About an hour later I hear the front door slam. Finally, Laf's back. But no one enters the room. I get up and exit the room to see John and Alexander sitting at the table. "Do you guys know where Laf is?"

John looks up. "You mean he's not here?"

I shake my head. "I thought he was with you guys."

"Neither of us have heard from him since we left for classes this morning." Alexander replies. "He was supposed to meet us for lunch, but he didn't show up. He hasn't answered any of our texts, either…"

"Then why haven't you been looking for him?" I exclaim.

"We figured his phone just died." Alex replies. Besides, if he's been gone for this long, he's probably at the cemetery."

"The cemetery? Why?"

"Sometimes when he's stressed or upset he just goes and sits by Herc's grave all day. Says it helps him." John answers.

"Don't you think we should at least go check on him?"

"I'll go with you." John said, standing up. "You coming, Alex?"

"Yeah." He shuts his computer and stands up. "Let's go."

The three of us begin the short walk to the Trinity Churchyard Cemetery. I feel awkward walking next to them, their hands clasped tightly together.

We enter the churchyard to find it completely empty.

"Where is he?" I begin to panic.

"James," John says gently, grabbing onto my shoulders to get me to listen. "Everything will be okay."

Alex has begun to run his hands through his hair. "John...John, what if he…"

"Shh, Lexi." John walks over to him.

"What if he did?"

"He didn't."

"Didn't what?" I ask, confused.

"Since his first attempt, we've always been a little worried." John says. "And with his almost-attempt last year, we've been even more worried, especially Alex."

"Oh...you don't think he did, did you?" I ask, my eyes widening.

"No, no of course not!" John exclaims. "Look. I'm sure Laf is fine. If he's still not back by the morning, we'll file a missing person report, alright?"

I nod, trying to hold back tears. "A-alright." I say, choking on a sob.

John looks at me. "Do you love him?"

I look down. "Y-yes…" I whisper softly.

John wraps his arms around me in a hug. "We'll find him, okay? We'll find him and everything will be okay."

"Guys?" Alex says, sounding nervous. He had walked a little ways away.

"Yeah?" John asks, walking over.

Alexander bends down and picks something up off the ground. "We need to file that report. Now."

"Why?"

"Because Laf doesn't go anywhere without this." Alex waves the item in the air. It's Laf's beanie.


	34. Ch-13, Pt-2

**Laf's P.O.V**

I'm scared. I'm really scared. The room I'm in is small. Though, I'm not sure if it's a room. Possibly a walk-in closet, since the space can't be more than twenty-five square feet. I've tried walking in it, only to hit a wall every few steps. There are no lights, either, so I can't see anything. I reach my hand into my pocket, only to find my phone is missing. I run my hands through my hair, expecting to grab onto the beanie for just a small amount of comfort, but that's gone too. How could I possibly have lost it? I curl up and hug my knees to my chest. I just want to go home.

* * *

 **James' P.O.V**

"We can't just sit here!"

"James, he's been gone since this morning." John replies. "He could be hours away. I'm worried about him too, but we're going to let the police handle this."

"There has to be something we can do!" I cry, panicked and desperate to find Laf.

"I'm looking to see if there's been any other recent kidnappings in the area." Alex says, tapping away at the keys on his laptop. "Hopefully that will give us a lead of some sort."

"Thank you, Alex."

"I'm not doing this just for you," Alex snaps. "Laf's my friend, too."

"Sorry...I just…"

"It's alright, James." John says softly. "We're all worried about him."

There's a knock at the door, and I jump up, running towards it. A part of me hopes it'll be Laf. He'll be standing there, and everything will be okay.

But of course, my hopes are shattered as I open the door.

"James! Where've you been?" Thomas exclaims, wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

I freeze and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to keep myself from shaking.

"Jemmy? Are you okay?"

"Leave me alone." I say, looking up at him. "Please...just leave me alone…"

"But I have reservations for that new restaurant on Oak Street. I thought you'd want to go." He replies. "You do want to go, don't you?"

"Not with you." I push him away.

"But-"

"But what? Remember what I said last night, Thomas?"

"I didn't think you meant it…" he almost looks hurt. And I almost feel bad. But I don't. Thomas deserves it.

"Of course I meant it!" I screw,.

"I'll be better, I promise…" he begs.

"How, by tearing a knife along my skin?" I say, venom in my voice. "Or by forcing me to do something I have no desire to do?" My hands are shaking.

"You know I can still tell everyone, right?" He says, his voice low. "I'm trying to be better. I'm trying really hard, but you're making this really difficult."

"Fine. Tell everyone. I'm not going with you, Thomas. I'm done."

He grabs onto my wrist and spins me around, pinning my arm behind my back. I let out a yelp of pain. How are Alex and John not hearing this? I don't dare call out, either. Thomas will make me regret it.

"You're gonna come with me, alright?" He whispers into my ear.

I whimper softly, but am unable to move away from Thomas.

"James?" John steps into view of the doorway, his eyes narrowing. "Get away from him, Thomas."

"Or what?" He pushes harder against my arm, making tears leak out of my eyes.

John lunges straight at us, and manages to punch Thomas in the nose. Thomas gasps out in pain and releases me. I scramble back into the dorm, hiding behind John.

"Stay away from James." John growls before slamming the door in Thomas' face. He turns to me. "You all right?"

I nod, rubbing the arm that Thomas pinned behind my back, which also happens to be the one covered in cuts. I'm hoping they didn't open back up.

"Alright." John says. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," I reply, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm gonna go back to the room…"

"Alright, James."

I walk into the roo, and flop onto Laf's bed, hugging the pillow. I'm worried about him. Where is he?

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

I can't help but wonder if my friends are looking for me. I was supposed to meet Alex and John for lunch. They have to have noticed im missing.

My stomach rumbles, I haven't eaten since breakfast. I don't even know how much time has passed since this morning.

I hear a door slam. I shoot up, trying to listen for anything that might tell me about my captor.

I hear another door-closer, this time-open, and someone talking in the phone.

"Yes. Yes, I have the Marquis. No, not yet. No! I'll call you back once I've decided. Yes. Bye."

Why do they want me?

I hear a lock click, and the door to the closet opens.

I immediately jump up and shove past the guy, trying to get out. Just as quickly he grabs onto me and shoves me up against the wall. He's pressing against my back, so I can't see what he's doing. I feel something cold cut through my jeans and press against my leg, then gasp out in pain as it-I'm assuming it's a knife-cuts into my leg.

He let's go of me and I collapse, unable to stand from the pain.

"If you try to run again, it'll be worse." He threatens. I catch a glimpse of a gun holstered on his waist before he grabs me around my wrist and drags me back to the closet. "Idiot." He mutters before tossing an apple at me and slamming the door. It's not much food, but I'll take it.

I feel the blood pouring down my leg. I don't know how deep the cut is, but it will no doubt scar.

I take a small bite of the apple, letting tears roll down my cheeks and fall onto the floor. I wish someone were here with me…James, or John, or Alex...heck, even if Thomas was here I'd be feeling better. But more than that, I just wish I was back home.


	35. Ch-14, Pt-2

**James' P.O.V**

I don't get it. Why on earth would Laf be taken? Why should the sweetest, nicest person I know be taken when there are a bunch of jerks that deserve it so much more? I give the pillow another squeeze when I hear a knock, and then the door slowly creaks open.

"Hey, James." John says, sitting down on the bed. "You're worried about him, aren't you?"

"Yes…" I say softly, a few tears dripping down my cheeks. "It's not fair that he got taken…"

"I know." John replies gently. "We're going to get him back."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

With the silence, I jump at the sudden shout from Alexander in the next room. "Get outta here!"

"Look, I just need to ask you a question." I hear Thomas' voice respond.

John looks towards the door. "What the hell is going on?"

I shrug. "Should we check it out?"

"You really want to see Thomas?"

"Well, not really, but I want to see what's going on." I reply, sitting up.

"Alright." The two of us get up and I follow John out of the room.

"Hamilton, this is important." Thomas is saying as the two of us walk out. "I-" our presence catches his attention. "Jemmy!" He exclaims, his eyes lighting up.

John moves in front of me. "No, Thomas. You're not coming near him. What are you doing here anyway?"

"He says he has an important question to ask." Alex interrupts.

"It's 'cause I do!" Thomas shouts back. "Where's Laf?"

"Why on earth do you think we'd tell you that?" Alexander snaps.

"So do you know where he is?"

Alex looks about ready to punch Thomas when John steps forward. "No, we have no clue where Laf is located at the moment."

"Thank you. That's what I needed to know." Thomas replies.

"Why?" Alexander asks, arching his eyebrow.

"Because his dad wants to make sure it's not some scam."

"Make sure that what isn't a scam?"

"You really don't know?" Thomas lets out a cold chuckle. "And I thought you were supposed to be smart, Hamilton." He smirks.

"Just tell us what's going on, Jefferson." Alex replies in a low growl.

"Alright. Laf's father got a phone call that Laf has gotten kidnapped, and that he'll be returned for a ransom of two million dollars. His father called my father, hoping he would be able to get in touch with me. My father called me and told me to find out if Laf is actually missing."

"How does your dad know Laf's father?" John questions.

Thomas rolls his eyes. "They're business partners. Duh."

"Geez, sorry I don't know everything about you." John snaps back.

"I've gotta go gall my dad." Thomas says. "You coming, Jemmy?"

"I'm not going back to you, Thomas." I say, nervous he won't take no for an answer.

He surprises me. "Fine." He huffs, leaving the room.

"Now we know Laf got taken…" John says. "I mean, it was pretty much a definite, but now there's no doubt…"

"Two mil…" Alex seems shocked. "That's ridiculous."

"Alex…" John starts.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll get him back?"

Just a few minutes ago, John was reassuring me that we would get him back. Now it seems that he has also lost hope.

"Yeah, of course I do, John. We'll get him back." Alex responds.

"What if his dad can't pay the ransom?"

"John-"

"What if they kill him anyway? Or if he ends up killing himself?"

"John, please, calm down."

"What if he goes silent again?"

Alex wraps his arms tightly around John. "He's not going to die."

"What if he goes silent again, though?"

Laf has gone silent before? I didn't know this. I know I don't want him to go silent. His voice is soothing to hear.

"Then he'll start talking again eventually. He did the last time." Alex says softly.

"In case you're forgetting, neither of us could get him to speak!" John shouts. "It was Herc! Herc broke him out of the silence! We don't have Herc anymore!" He begins shaking in Alex's arms, sobbing quietly.

"You don't need to remind me Herc's gone." Alex says, angling John's face upward and brushing a few curls out of his face. "There's nothing we can do, though. Laf, if he is silent, will start speaking on his own time, okay?"

"A-alright."

I hope we get Laf back soon.

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

There's a light on in the closet now. It's blinding, and it takes my eyes a few minutes to adjust, since I had just been asleep.

I sit up and look at the room. The walls are barren of any decoration and are painted a plain white. There's a shelf that's rather high with a box on top of it. That's all there is.

While I'm sitting, I hear the door open. I turn to see a guy standing there, but it's someone different than the guy that gave me the apple. He can't be much older than myself, maybe twenty-three or twenty-four.

"So you're the Marquis?"

I nod, shrinking back.

"Huh. You're pretty good looking." He says, eyeing me. "Get up."

I stand up shakily.

"Get over here." He demands.

I hobble over to the doorway, my leg still aching. He grabs my ponytail and yanks on it, pulling me across the room.

"Wh-what are you gonna do to me?" I stutter out, trying not to cry as he pulls on my hair.

"The boss said I could do whatever I wanted, just as long as I don't kill you before we get the money."

Does that mean they're going to kill me anyway?

"So, I think that you and I are going to have some fun." He gives my hair a final tug before pushing me down on a bed. Then he sits on top of me and begins unbuttoning my shirt.

"STOP!" I scream, kicking and fighting, trying to push him off. "GET OFF OF ME!" I cry, tears soaking my face.

"Shut up or I'll make you."

"NO! GET-" I'm cut off as he presses his mouth against mine. "MMPH!" I twist and turn, trying to roll off the bed or something. My mind is too panicked to think clearly as his hand slides towards the waistband of my jeans.

I hear the door open. "What the hell are you doing, Wesley?"

The guy on top of me, who I'm guessing is Wesley, sits up. "I'm just having some fun."

"I could hear his screams from outside." He moves, and I can now see that he's the guy from earlier.

"The boss said I could do whatever I wanted." Wesley replies.

"The boss doesn't know how loud he can scream." The man shoots back. "Just put him back in the room."

"Fine. Move, Frenchy." He shoves me off the bed and forces me into the room without returning my shirt to me.

How long am I gonna be stuck here? What are they gonna do to me?

I begin to cry. I was stupid. What idiot goes and sits in a cemetery by themself, especially in New York City? It's my own fault I got taken. I probably deserve all this pain.

And what had Wesley meant when he had been talking about getting money? Are they holding me for a ransom? They won't get much if they're asking for it from my mom, but if they somehow made the connection of who my father is...I don't even know if he cares enough about me anymore to pay for my release. I'm stuck here. They lights flicker off, and once again I am engulfed in darkness.

 **This is my last chapter I will be able to post before summer break. This story is far from done, and I'll try to update when possible. I'll see you all (hopefully) soon!**


	36. Ch-15, Pt-2

**James' P.O.V**

I don't want to go to classes today. I doubt I'll be able to focus. All that's on my mind is Laf. I'm terrified for him. I don't know what's happening to him, but the uncertainty is what's horrifying.

"James?" John knocks on the door. "Don't you have classes today? It's already nine!"

"I don't wanna go." I reply, pulling the sheets over my head.

John walks in the room and pulls the blankets back. "I know you're worried about Laf. Alex and I are worried too. However, skipping classes won't make him magically return, though that would make things a lot easier."

"I guess you're right." I sigh, sitting up. "I don't understand it."

"Understand what?"

"Why I'm in love with him. He said himself he didn't like me, so I don't understand why I'm still falling for him." I sniff, ashamed at how pathetic I sound.

"When'd he say that to you?" John asks, sitting on the bed next to me.

"A few days ago...he said Alexander had yelled at him. About how Alex thought he had a crush on me. Laf said he thought it was ridiculous Alex would think that…"

"Maybe Laf doesn't know he likes you yet." John replies. "I've noticed that he definitely seems to care about you. Or maybe he's just afraid you don't like him, and isn't willing to admit his feelings to you. I mean, we insisted that he tell Herc as soon as we found out about his crush, but he refused, afraid that Herc would hate him." John looked down. "I miss Herc."

I never knew Herc that well. He had gone to a different high school, so I hadn't made his acquaintance until freshman year at college. Even then, Thomas had pretty much forbidden me to go by Alexander or any of his friends, so I never got to know him. All I know is that Herc and Laf had dated for some time. Then there was some sort of misunderstanding, and Herc ended up committing suicide. That's not much to go by.

I hear the front door open. "Who's that?"

"Alex. He had an early first class today, so he's back for a little bit before the next one."

"Oh."

The door flings open, and Alex looks furious. "Does Laf know what you are?" He directs at me.

I wince. There is no doubt in my mind of what he's talking about.

"What the hell, Alex?" John asks, standing up. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what everyone else is!" He exclaims. "James is a girl!"

I begin to shake, trying to hold back tears.

"You said you like Laf? He won't like you!" Alexander continues to verbally attack me. "Laf doesn't like girls!"

"Alex, how can you even be sure this is true?" John accuses.

"Because Jefferson told me."

"Why would you believe something Jefferson told you?" John scolds.

"Well, Jefferson and Jamie did date. He knows Jamie best. He has no reason to lie." Alexander replies, poison in his voice. "He even told me-"

"STOP!" I scream, surrendering to the tears. "Please, please, stop!"

"Alexander Hamilton, what the hell has gotten into you?" John shouts at his boyfriend. "Why are you being so cruel to him?"

"You mean 'her'?"

"No, I don't! I mean him because that is what he is! He's a boy!" Hurt filled his eyes. "I thought you were better than this, Alexander. I really thought you were better than this!"

"Oh, shut up, John! I'm still waiting for Jamie to answer my question. Does Laf know what you are, Jamie?"

Embarrassed and ashamed, I nod.

"Good. So I don't have to worry about you pulling him in and crushing him once again." Hamilton turned on his heel and walked out the door, slamming the door behind him.

Tears continue to flow down my face. John looks crushed that Hamilton would yell at him like that.

"I'm sorry, James." He says, making me smile just a little bit, because he's still calling me by my preferred name. "I don't know why Alex would even listen Jefferson, he's only believing what he wants, 'cause for some reason he hates you." John stops for a moment. "But when he asked if Laf knew, you nodded...is it really true?" His eyes widen.

"Please don't kick me out!" I cry. "I'll have to go back to the dorm with Thomas, and I-I…" I can't get another word out as I'm choking on sobs.

"Hey. Hey, it's alright. I'm not going to kick you out. If you say you're a guy, then you are. I won't question it." He gently wraps his arms around me.

I feel so pathetic. I'm shaking because of the tears. What kind of guy sobs like this?

 _A fake one._ Some dark part of my mind answers.

"James, it's alright." John says softly. "I'm guessing you don't want to go to classes today?"

"No, not if everyone's talking about me! I don't want to!"

"Shh. I'll stay here with you, okay?"

"A-alright. Thank you for standing up to Alexander for me...but now he's mad at you, too."

"It's fine. I don't know what's gotten into him...I guess part of it could be that he still isn't completely willing to admit that Herc is gone. No offense to you, but Laf and Herc were perfect together. Alex probably thinks Laf-I guess, almost owes?-something to Herc by not moving onto someone else yet. That's my best guess as to why he dislikes you so much."

I wipe my eyes. "He doesn't just dislike me. He completely hates me."

"Hey, don't think like that."

"But he does!" I cry. _Calm down, James._ "I-I can't believe everyone knows!"

"I don't think everyone knows." John tries to assure me.

It doesn't work. "If they don't know now, they will eventually!"

"Hey, even if they know, it doesn't mean they'll care. I don't care."

"Alexander seems to care, though."

"But are you any different from who you've always been?"

"N-no…"

He gives me a gentle squeeze. "It's alright, James. Everything is going to be okay."

I nod, sniffling. "O-okay."

 **What's this? It's an update! Hey guys, sorry I've been gone so long, my summer has been hectic. I hope you are all having a good summer. I don't know when my next chapter will be out, I'm sorry, but thank you for being so patient! See you all next update!**


	37. Ch-16, Pt-2

**Laf's P.O.V**

I don't even know how long I've been in here. Occasionally the lights will flicker on, sometimes for a few minutes, other times it feels like hours.

They don't give me much food either. Sometimes I'll get an orange or apple or some other fruit. A few times I've been given a package of peanuts. Even so, my ribs are beginning to show.

The back of my leg has slowly begun to heal, and where the cut was, there is now a line forming, slowly but surely pulling my skin back together. There's no doubt there is going to be tissue damage.

I miss my friends. I wonder, are they trying to find me right now? Maybe they already know where I am and are driving to come get me right now. I smile at that thought, only for it to waver when I think about the man with the gun. He might just be bluffing, but I don't want to risk it. I don't want my friends to risk it.

The door creaks open and a small package of airplane peanuts are launched at me before the door is slammed shut again.

"Please, let me out!" I call. I know it won't make much of a difference, but I want to exhaust every plan of escape possible before I give up.

"Shut up." The man on the other side of the door demands.

"S'il vous plait, just let me out!" Damn it, I'm too nervous. And I was trying so hard to keep the french out of my speech. Merde.

"I said shut up, or I'll slap you."

What does it matter? I've been slapped before, and each time it was by someone I knew. What does it matter if I'm slapped by some stranger?

"Then let me out!" I exclaim, banging on the door. I'm scared and covering it with stupidity. I already know it's not going to end well.

The door swings open, the man's face a mask of anger. "When I tell you to do something, you do it!"

"Please let me out!"

In a matter of seconds, his hand flies towards me and my face is now stinging. "If you don't shut up, I'll let Wesley deal with you instead."

I clamp my mouth shut.

"You're not scared of me, but you're scared of him?" The man smirked. "I should switch places with him, maybe then you'd keep your mouth shut."

A soft whimper escapes my mouth. I am at the mercy of these people. "Please don't…"

"Then keep your mouth shut!" He slaps me once more and slams the door.

I press my hand up against my face. It hurts. I expected it to, but that doesn't mean it hurts less.

Are they going to kill me? I hope not, and I dislike the uncertainty. What if I never get to tell James how much I care about him? I want to tell him. I want to get out of here.

* * *

 **James' P.O.V**

It's been a week. One week since Thomas received the phone call. We haven't heard any other news on where Laf is or how we might get him back. I started going to classes again, but I hate it. I constantly get weird looks from people. A few people have called me some awful names.

I'm not going to lie, I've started to hate myself. If everyone else hates me, I might as well hate me, too, right?

John has been pretty understanding though. Alexander hasn't talked to him either, and I feel like that's my fault. John didn't have to stand up for me, but he did, and now he's paying for it.

Most people in my classes are calling me Jamie now, which makes it even more unbearable.I try to keep my head down and stay unnoticed, but it's difficult when you always feel like you're about to cry.

* * *

 **John's P.O.V**

I need to talk to Alex. He hasn't spoken a word to me since I stood up for James. I silently walk into his room. He's hunched over his desk, scribbling onto a piece of paper. He messes up and erases, pressing the eraser hard against the paper. This repeats several times until the sheet rips. He crinkles it up in a ball and chucks it behind him. I catch it. When he realizes it didn't hit the floor, he turns.

"What do you want, Laurens?"

He only calls me that on certain occasions. Sometimes when we're curled together, just the two of us, and he'd whisper it lovingly into my ear. Other times, like this one, it is in a low growl, full of anger. I hate when he uses it this way.

"I want to talk to you, Alexander. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing." He replies, turning back around in his seat.

I walk up behind him, crossing my arms over his chest. "You can't hide away in your room with your homework forever, Alex. Talk to me. Please." I beg.

He looks up at me, sighing. "I can't."

"Yes, you can." I say softly. "Please."

He looks down, ashamed, and begins to roll up the green sleeve of his shirt. His arm has cuts scattered over it.

I let out a gasp. "Lexi!" I spin his chair around. "Why?"

"Because I treated you like shit." I notice his eyes are watering. "And I'm sorry. I feel awful about it, and I hate myself for treating you like that."

I wrap my arms around him, giving him a gentle squeeze. "It's alright, Lexi. I forgive you."

He seems surprised at my sudden show of affection. "You do?"

"Yeah. Can I ask you something, though?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Why do you have it out for James?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Please don't be difficult."

"It just bugs me."

"What bugs you?"

"How Laf's always hanging out with him! He cares about him so much, and it happened in such a short amount of time!" Alex exclaims. "John, it's only been a year. One year, and it seems like Laf's already moved on."

"Most people move on at sometime."

"Yeah, but after only a year?" He pauses. "Do you think Laf really loved Herc?"

"Of course I do! Why would you question that?" I scold. "Don't you remember how upset Laf was after he died? He cried for weeks!"

"But-"

"Look, I know you think they were perfect for each other. I do too. But the chance for anything more to happen between them has vanished. Laf hasn't completely moved on, and even if he did, you have no right to be a jerk to James, even if he was a girl. That doesn't define who he is now."

"Alright." He leans against me, shaking slightly.

"Are you okay?"

"I-I'm sorry." He says, choking on tears.

"Hey, it's alright. Just talk to me." I say softly, kissing him on the cheek. "I don't want to lose you too."


	38. Ch-17, Pt-2

**Thomas' P.O.V**

In hindsight, telling James' secret was probably not the best way to get him to come back to me. But it was the power I had over him, and I had used it.

That was how it was supposed to be in a relationship, wasn't it? The stronger controlling the weaker? That's what I had been taught.

I trace over some of the scars on my arm, each one given to me when I had refused to listen to my first boyfriend. So why hadn't it worked on James, or Laf for that matter? Didn't they understand they were supposed to listen to me? I had understood that I deserved to be punished. So why didn't they?

I had done whatever he wanted without question. He was three years older than me, so why should I have questioned him? When he hurt me or yelled at me, calling me horrible, ugly names, I had deserved it. Right?

He controlled me. That's how it was supposed to be. So why didn't James understand he was supposed to let me control him?

I let out a sigh. I just want James back. I miss him, but he's terrified of me.

My phone rings, a number and the words 'Unknown Caller' flashing across the screen. Of course, I pick it up. Maybe it's information on Laf.

"Hello?"

"Are you an acquaintance of the Marquis de Lafayette?"

"Yes, sir." I reply, unsure why I've suddenly spoken so formally.

The man on the other end chuckles. "'Sir.' I like that."

"Why are you calling?" I demand.

"We have received the money from his father. He told us you'd be the one to pick him up."

"I am?"

"That's what he told us, yes. Pick him up tonight."

"What's the address?" I ask, grabbing a paper and pencil.

The man gives me an address to a park that's almost an hour and a half away. It's going to be a long drive.

"You must come by yourself. Don't have one of your friends come instead of you, either. You alone need to come." The man instructs.

He doesn't know what I look like...does he?

"Understand?"

"Yes."

"Good." He hangs up.

When tonight do I need to pick him up? I don't want him to have to wait longer than he has to, either. I suppose I could leave at six thirty, and then arrive around eight.

I wonder if it would be wise to tell Alexander and John that I'll be going to get Laf tonight. I probably shouldn't. They would try to convince me that one of them should go instead. The man said I have to go...but why me?

I glance at the clock. It's five thirty, so I only have an hour before I need to leave.

Another thought occurs to me. What if Laf won't come with me? He hates me. However, between his captors and myself, surely he would choose me?

I honestly am not sure of most things anymore. I'm not sure how to maintain a relationship correctly. I thought I was doing it right' but everyone always seems to leave me…

* * *

I stood in front of him. I knew he was going to punish me. I knew I shouldn't have talked back to him...but it had happened.

He sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to you, Thomas." He reached into his back pocket. "Can you hold out your hand, please?"

Warily, I stretched out my arm. He wasn't going to give me something, was he?

In a moment, he lashed out, wrapping his hand around my wrist. The sudden contact of his skin against my own caused me to squirm, but only for a second. What he had taken out of his pocket was revealed to be a knife. I stood, scared, as the blade ripped across my arm, and watched in horror as dark red beads of blood began to well had never cut me before.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I couldn't cry. Not in front of him.

Unfortunately, he noticed the droplets of water glistening in my eyes. "What are you crying for?"

"Hurts…" I croaked out, frightened.

"Of course it hurts. We've been over this." He scolded. "Maybe if you listened you wouldn't get hurt so much. You only have yourself to blame."

"Y-you're right." I mumbled, almost too afraid to speak.

"I know I am." He kissed me gently, carefully, on my forehead. "Remember, you can't tell anyone about this." He whispered softly in my ear. "They won't let me see you anymore if you tell them." He pulled back.

I nodded my head vigorously, my hair bouncing up and down as I did so. "Of course I won't tell anyone!"

"Good." He embraced me, pulling me in, and I leaned into his chest as he ran my hands through my hair. "Love you, Thomas."

"Love you, too."

* * *

Why had my mind decided to think about that? Why? I don't want to remember him. He left me. I hadn't done anything wrong.

Sighing, I pull out my history textbook. I have a test coming up, and I figure I might as well study for it I leave.

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

The door creaks open, light filtering in. I'm surprised at this. I was given food earlier today, so what was the reason someone was checking on me again? The door opens the rest of the way, revealing Wesley standing in front of me.

I scramble backwards, trying to get as far away from him as possible. "D-don't...don't touch me…"

"Wasn't planning on it." He smiles coldly. His hand goes to his waist, pulling a gun out of a holster. "Stand up." He's not aiming the pistol at me. Yet.

Bracing myself against the wall, I slowly stand up. I'm breathing heavily. I'm too scared.

"If you try to run," he aims the gun straight by me, so that I'm looking down the barrel. "I shoot."

I nod in understanding, hoping he'll point the pistol down, away from me.

He does. "Move." He demands, moving to the side.

Hesitantly, I move towards the door. What's going on?

As soon as I'm out of the closet, Wesley shuts the door, then presses the gun against my back. "Someone will be picking you up tonight." He says. This gives me hope. Does this mean I'm finally getting out of here? "If you make any noise, or try to run before they pick you up, you will be shot. That would be a shame, wouldn't it?"

I stay unresponsive, but continue walking as he guides me through the building. Who will be picking me up? Will it be one of my friends? John? Alexander? Maybe even James? Or is Wesley faking it, trying to lull me into a fake sense of security? Is someone else, someone that is a part of their team, going to take me someplace even further away? I hope not.

Wesley guides me outside. Outside! I take a breath of the fresh air I haven't breathed in what feels like months. I stop for only a moment, but Wesley jabs the pistol hard into my back, a reminder to keep moving.

There's a large white van sitting in front of the building, the doors to the trunk wide open.

"Get in." Wesley growls. "Now."

I do, though quite reluctantly. Where are they taking me?


	39. Ch-18, Pt-2

**Laf's P.O.V**

After a drive that feels like forever, the van finally stops.

Wesley throws the back door open. I have my back pressed my back against the wall of the van.

"Get out." He demands. "Now." He adds, almost as an afterthought.

I crawl to the edge of the trunk, then slowly slip my legs down to the ground.

We're at a park. There's a pavilion with a play area next to it, and behind that there's a large, open field that's framed with trees. But I don't get to look for long. Wesley herds me over to the pavilion and pushes me down-hard, which I guess is to be expected-onto one of the benches.

"You're going to stay here until your ride comes." Wesley instructs. "If you make any noise or try to leave before you're picked up, you will be shot." He reiterates from earlier. "Understand?"

I give a weak nod, feeling sick.

"And if your ride doesn't show up, you'll be coming back with us, where things will get a bit more...ah, interesting." The look he gives me tells me I don't want to know what that means.

"Understand?" He asks again.

I nod, curling in on myself. Please, just go away.

He does, but not before giving me a sick grin. It's almost like he doesn't think anyone will come to pick me up. What if they just said someone was going to pick me up? I wipe a few tears that are beginning to form in my eyes.

And I wait. The temperature begins to drop, and I shiver as it does, since they never did give me my shirt back.

I'm still waiting as the sun sinks further and further on the horizon.

Please have someone come get me. Please don't have me be left here.

* * *

 **Thomas' P.O.V**

I leave right at six thirty. I think I got enough studying in. I get in the car and begin driving toward the address that was given to me over the phone.

My car radio is broken, and the only thing I have to drown out the silence is my own thoughts. I don't really want to get lost in my thoughts, especially when I'm driving, but they just kind of take over.

* * *

"Thomas? Are you alright?" James asked as the two of us sat down on the edge of the field for lunch.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem more...depressed, lately."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not, Thomas." He sighed, knowing how stubborn I could be. "Give me your hand."

"What?"

"I said, give me your hand. Please."

Reluctantly, I did so. Before I realized what he was doing, he pushed the sleeve up.

"Thomas...you...why would you do this to yourself?"

Oh good, he thought I did it. I could work with this. "I...I've just been going through some things." I hated lying to him, but this was necessary.

"That's not the way to go through it. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

He leaned over and wrapped his arms around me. "I wish I knew how to help you, Thomas."

I leaned into him. "It's alright, James. It's alright."

For just a few moments it was peaceful. Then it got ruined.

"Thomas!"

I shot up, James standing up with me. Who had called my name?

"Thomas!" It came from across the field. I spotted him. Why was he here?

"Thomas, who is that?" James asked, clutching onto my hand.

"He's my boyfriend…"

"He doesn't go here, does he?"

I shook my head. "He doesn't."

"What grade is he in? He looks a lot older than us."

"He's a freshman-"

"There is no way he's a freshman!"

"-in college." I finished. He was coming over here, fists clenched.

"College? Thomas, you're kidding! He-"

"Thomas, get away from it."

I couldn't believe he had just called James an 'it'. I couldn't do anything, though.

"Get away from it, NOW!" He was about halfway across the field now.

If I didn't get away from James, James would get hurt. And I would too, later.

"Get away from me, James." I said.

"What?"

"Get away from me!" I thought I pushed him lightly, but he fell to the ground, hard. "I'm sorry." I whispered as he came up to me, wrapping his hand tightly around my arm.

"Let's go."

I nodded, following him and remembering the look on James' face when I had pushed him to the ground.

* * *

Why does my brain keep going to all these awful moments? I continue driving the car, shaking the memories away.

Maybe that isn't the way relationships are supposed to work. I thought it was. He was supposed to control me, right?

Finally, I pull into the park. It looks empty at first. Then I spot Laf sitting under the pavilion, his head down.

I climb out of the car and walk over to him. I tap Laf lightly on the shoulder. "Laf?"

His head snaps up. As soon as he sees me, his eyes widen, and he shrinks back.

This is what I was afraid of. "Laf, we've gotta go. Please."

He slowly gets up. He begins walking towards the car, and I follow along next to him. I notice he's limping, his leg dragging behind him.

"Are you alright?"

He just looks at me, shakes his head, and continues stubbornly heading towards the parking lot.

I open up the car door. He climbs in and pulls the seatbelt across his chest. I get into the drivers' seat and see that Laf has curled up, placing his forehead against his knees.

"Laf?" I ask hesitantly.

One moment he's silent. The next he begins shaking, letting out a guttural, heart-wrenching sob as he does so. "T-thank you…" He stumbles over his words. "T-they...if y-you h-ha...hadn't c-come, they...they wo-would've...would've…"

"No problem, Laf. You're safe now." I say softly. I don't want to scare him.

"M-merci, T-" He stops and begins shaking even more violently. "I-I'm sorry! P-please...don't...don't hurt me! I didn't mean to…"

It takes me a moment to realize what he's now freaking out about. Then it hits me. I used to get mad at him for speaking french. I never realized before how much it had affected him.

"Hey, I'm not going to." I try to speak gently, but my voice wavers. I'm not used to dealing with this sort of thing.

He looks up at me, and I realize just how scared he is. Being stuck in the car with me is probably not helping matters. "Y-you're not?"

"No, I'm not." He starts crying even harder. I don't know why. What do I do? I've gotta get him to calm down...should I hug him? That seems like it would work, but because of the situation...I decide I can give it a try.

I awkwardly lean towards him. "It's going to be okay."

"No! No, let go of me!" Laf screams, squirming.

I immediately back off, and catch a glimpse of my watch. It's already eight thirty.

"Sorry. I just...I want to help."

"You...you want to help me?"

"Yeah."

"Then take me home. Please."

"Right, of course." I start the car and begin to drive back, the two of us in an uncomfortable, awkward silence.

"W-why?" Laf stutters out about forty- five minutes later.

"Why what?"

"Why'd you hurt me? Why'd you hurt James?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because I want to know. Did I do something wrong?"

"In my mind, you had done something wrong." I reply, sighing. "You hadn't listened to me."

"What?"

"I-" I pause, thinking of the correct way to phrase what I wanted to say. "My first relationship is what I based everything on. He...he hurt me when I didn't listen. He controlled me. I thought that's what I was supposed to do."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry." The words feel bitter. I'm not used to saying them. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

Laf takes a deep breath. "I...I forgive you."

There's a long pause. "So...are we good?" I finally ask.

"Yeah."


	40. Ch-19, Pt-2

**Thomas' P.O.V**

The rest of the car ride is in silence. I am relieved that Laf has forgiven me. Obviously he doesn't completely trust me, but I suppose that is understandable.

When we finally arrive at the dorms, I get out and open the car door for Laf. He looks up at me, then gets out of the car, holding himself up by bracing his hand against the roof. He's not putting any weight on his leg, either.

"Laf? Is your leg alright?"

He turns slightly to show me a long cut on his leg that has only just begun to scar. So that's why he was limping earlier.

"It's hurting more…" Laf whimpers.

"Do...do you want me to carry you?" I ask.

He seems scared, looking at me with nervous eyes. "Um…"

"Just inside. We can take the elevator up."

He hesitates for another moment, then nods. "A-alright."

I bend down slightly and prop one arm under his knees. He leans against my other arm and I lift him with little effort.

I carry him inside and press the elevator button, helping him inside. Laf grabs onto one of the handrails, leaning heavily on it.

"T-thank you." He stutters out.

"What? Yeah, of course." I say. I'm surprised He's thanking me. After everything I've done to him, he's thanking me. I don't deserve it.

The elevator door opens and I help him over to his dorm. "I can go in by myself." He says, placing his hand on the doorknob.

"Alright."

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

I push the door open and step into the dorm, the door shutting behind me. I can hear Alex and John talking to each other in the kitchen.

"Who on earth just came in?" I hear Alex ask.

"Dunno." John replies. "Maybe it's Jefferson and he actually knows where Laf is now?"

"Then he could've knocked."  
"Why is he being so quiet?"

"Alex? John?" I say. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I hear the scraping of chairs against the floor, and then John and Alex are in front of me, disbelief on both of their faces.

"Laf? Y-you're back? How?" John stutters out.

"T-Thomas...he came and p-picked me up." I say softly.

"What? Without telling us?" Alex exclaims. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

I shake my head. "He didn't hurt me."

"What's going on?"

I hear James before I see him. He looks like he just woke up, but his eyes brighten as soon as he sees me. "Laf! You're back!" He throws his arms around me, kissing me on the cheek.

I smile and go to embrace him, but he pulls away, fear suddenly etched onto his face. "I'm sorry...I-I forgot. You said you didn't like me…" He whimpers and begins to turn away.

"James…" I grab onto his arm and pull him towards me, placing my lips gently against his own. I eventually, carefully pull away. "I was wrong. I do like you."

* * *

 **James' P.O.V**

Laf likes me! He actually likes me! Alexander and John are both staring at us, but I could care less.

"Where were they keeping you?" I ask. I have to know. If it was somewhere close by, where we could've easily found him, I'll never forgive myself.

"T-the drive to the park was maybe an hour and fifteen...t-then the d-drive from the p-park to here was an h-hour and a half...so maybe somewhere by Albany?"

"W-what about the drive there?"

"I-I was knocked out…" Laf lets out a soft whimper. "Someone came up b-behind me and c-covered my mouth...everything went b-black after that...I'm guessing they used s-some sort of kn-knockout gas…" He begins shaking, and I wrap my arms around him. He leans into me, placing his head against my shoulder.

"It's alright. You're safe here."

"Laf? What happened to your shirt?" John asks.

Laf lets out a soft whine. "Don' wanna t-talk 'bout it…" He wraps his arms around himself. He obviously dislikes being uncovered, and I quickly go to his room and grab a shirt for him.

"Alright, we won't make you." John replies gently.

Laf slowly looks up at me. I-I'm hungry."

He's definitely lost weight, even though he was only gone a week. His ribs are poking out, rubbing against his skin.

"What do you want to eat?" I ask.

He ponders this for a moment. "C-can I have french t-toast?"

"Yeah, of course you can. Do you want to sit down somewhere while I make it?"

"J-just on t-the couch. C-can you help me over there?"

"Yeah. Is something wrong with your leg?" I ask, noticing how he's hardly putting any weight on it.

"T-they cut it…" He turns, and looking through the large rip in his jeans, I can see a long cut tracing down the back of his leg. Alex and John also catch a glimpse of it. "Does it l-look very b-bad?"

"No, no, it looks fine. I'm sure over the next few weeks it'll heal and you won't even be able to see it anymore." I reassure him, though I'm not so sure myself.

"Oh, good. Um, c-can you h-help me over to the c-couch now?"

"Uh-huh." I wrap an arm around his waist as he puts an arm around my shoulders.

As soon as we're in front of the couch, Laf collapses onto the couch. "T-thank you…"

"No problem." I give him a light kiss. "I'm gonna go make your french toast, okay?"

Laf gives a small nod and leans back, shutting his eyes.

I pull out the skillet and plug it in, letting it heat up while I get the batter ready.

Alexander and John are sitting on either side of Laf. They're not talking, just sitting in silence.

I bring the french toast over. "Hey, Laf?"

He opens his eyes immediately. He must not have been sleeping, like I had originally thought. He takes the plate and begins eating ravenously. When finished, he looks up at me. "C-can I h-have more? P-please?" He passes me the plate.

"Yeah, I can make some more." I take the plate and go back into the kitchen. I realize that whenever Laf said something tonight, there was always a stutter as he was speaking. Is that permanent? I hope not. It's probably just from nerves. He's been through a lot recently.

I bring more of the toast out to Laf, who eats just as quickly, if not more so, than the last one.

"Merci, mon cheri." Laf yawns. "I...I'm tired."

"It is eleven o'clock already. Come on, I'll help you to your room." I hold my hands out for Laf to grab onto, then pull him up.

I pen his door and he drops onto the bed, curling up beneath the covers.

I turn to leave. I'll have to sleep on the couch, or go back to my dorm.

"James, where a-are you g-going?"

"I was going to go sleep on the couch."

"N-no! Stay here! P-please don't l-leave!"

"Okay." I turn back around and slide under the covers next to Laf. He wraps his arms tightly around me.

"D-don't leave…"

"I'm not going to." I reply softly. "I'm not leaving."

* * *

"P-p-please...please don't…"

Laf's tossing in bed, whimpering as he does so.

"I-I'm sorry, please don't…"

"Laf?"

"I-I won't do it a-again, I-AAAGH!"

His sudden scream makes me jump. "Laf? Laf, what's wrong?"

"JAMES!" He screams, sobbing. "James! H-he shot me! He shot me and I'm going to die! I don't wanna die...James…"

"Laf, you're not dying." I say softly. I press one hand gently against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. "It was just a dream. You're okay."

He clutches onto me, sobbing into my chest. "J-James…"

"It's alright. You're alright." I say, kissing him gently.

He gives me a squeeze. "I don't w-want to d-die…"

"You're not dying. You're safe." I kiss him again. "I love you."

"L-love you t-too."


	41. Ch-20, Pt-2

**James' P.O.V**

I wake up with Laf curled up close to me. There's still tear stains on his face from last night. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut, and I can't help but wonder if he's having another nightmare. His arms are still wrapped tightly around, as if I'm some sort of life preserver.

When you're asleep, aren't you supposed to look peaceful? Laf doesn't look peaceful. He looks like he's hanging on for dear life. I brush my lips against his forehead, hoping that even though he's sleeping, it'll help him relax.

He stretches out in his sleep, and I continue to lie next to him until he wakes up. He slowly opens his eyes, stretching his arms over his head as he does so.

"Good morning, Laf." I say, giving him a smile. "You okay?"

He nods. "Sorry about last night."

"It's alright. You just had a bad dream. Are you doing better this morning?"

"A little bit."

I notice he's no longer stuttering. "That's good."

"I just...I just got you…" He says softly. "I didn't want to die and leave you alone…"

How have I gotten so lucky as to have a boyfriend that cares so much about me? I kiss him gently. "It was only a bad dream. You didn't leave me."

He smiles and curls back up to me. "Good."

I work up the nerve to ask the question that has constantly been nagging at the back of my head. "Do you really love me, even though I'm not really a guy?"

He frowns. "What are you talking about? Of course you're a guy, and of course I love you." He gives me a hug. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because Alexander said you wouldn't love me…" I reply, my voice barely above a whisper. I feel so childish. "I was afraid he was right..."

"Oh, mon cheri!" Laf exclaims. "I'm sorry you thought that. Of course I love you, I love you so much!" He begins peppering me with kisses, bringing a smile to my face.

"Thanks, Laf."

"How did Alex find out you were a girl?" Laf asks. "I didn't tell him."

"I know you didn't." I reply. "Thomas told him. Thomas told everyone!" I start crying. "Everyone calls me such awful names now, and I get shoved in the halls all the time, and...and…" I completely break down, unable to get another word out.

He pulls me closer to him, and I cuddle up to his chest.

"Mon cheri, I am so sorry this happened while I was gone."

"N-not your fault…" I manage to choke out.

"You said Alex was giving you a hard time?"

"H-he was, John t-talked to him s-so he stopped."

"John wasn't mean?"

I shake my head. "N-no.. He...he has been so n-nice to me!"

"That's good to hear." He says. His voice is soothing, and I take deep breaths, trying to calm down. "I will see if I can do anything to get people to stop picking on you."

"T-thank you...thank you so much."

"I haven't done anything yet."

"I know, but at least you're going to try, and that's enough."

"Okay." He kisses me again, his lips beginning to trail down my neck. I shiver slightly. The only person that's gotten this close to me is Thomas, and...that didn't end so well. But Laf is different. He would never intentionally hurt me. I don't think he'd even unintentionally hurt me.

"Are you going to stay here today?" I ask.

"Oui, I will go back to class tomorrow."

"Can I stay here with you?"

"Sure, if you want."

 _If you want._ Those were such beautiful words. With Thomas, there had been no "If you want". It had been "Do as I say, or you'll get beaten".

"I want to." I can hear the steady beat of his heart.

"D'accord. What do you want to do all day, then?"

I give a subtle shrug. "For now, I just want to stay in bed."

"Alright, we can do that."

I sigh contently, shutting my eyes again. This- _this_ is what a relationship should be. This is perfect.

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

I smile at the perfect being curled up to my chest. He's breathing softly, his fingers gripping onto my shirt. I didn't think I'd ever love someone this much, not since Herc...is it wrong that I still love him? I love James, I love him so much, but Herc was-is-special to me.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight as hot tears roll down my face. I can't let James see me cry. I move one hand from him and wipe the water from my face. My movement causes James to open his eyes.

"I-" I stop. What if he hates me because of this?

"Laf. You can tell me." He says, as if reading my mind.

"I was thinking about Herc." I admit. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know I'll never completely replace him." He replies. "If I lost someone that way, I probably wouldn't be able to move on very easily, either."

"It's just...I don't think I'm being fair to you."

"Shh." He presses a finger against my lips. "You're being completely fair. There's no need to apologize."

"Thanks for understanding." I reply.

"Of course." He grabs onto the covers and pulls them over our heads, beginning to kiss me as he does so."

I smile and kiss him back, my hands running gently over his body. I try to be careful. I don't know the extent of what Thomas did to James, and I would hate to do something to trigger a panic attack.

"Hey, Laf?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we get up and have breakfast?"

"Uh-huh." I kiss him a final time, then throw the covers back, climbing out of bed.

The fabric of my destroyed jeans is still hanging loosely around my leg. The frayed threads are encrusted with blood. I really liked these jeans too.

Unwilling to wear the destroyed article of clothing any longer, I tug them off and pull on a new pair, throwing the ripped the jeans in the trash.

James has pulled the covers back over his head. I chuckle.

"You coming, James?"

He pulls the covers back, his face tinted red.

"Come on. I'm going to make crepes." I say, turning and leaving the room.

I go into the kitchen and begin preparing the batter. James emerges from the room a minute later.

"Why'd you do that in front of me?"

"What? Take my jeans off?" I shrug. "Did it bother you?"

"A little bit."

"Desole."

"What?"

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable." I pour some of the batter onto the skillet.

"I know you didn't try to." He walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. "I've never had crepes before."

"Never?"

"Uh-uh."

"Well, shame on you!" I jokingly scold him. "Don't worry, I promise you'll like them."

"Oh good. I doubt anything you make can taste bad, though."

"You're so sweet. That french toast you made last night wasn't too bad, though."

"Please, I'm no cook."

"Non, the person who is no cook is Alex." I chuckle at the memory. "He one time drooped the cinnamon rolls in the oven when he was trying to take them out a few years ago."

James laughs at this. I don't think I've ever heard him laugh before.

"Your laugh is so pretty." I compliment.

"Oh, uh, thanks."

I lift the crepes off of the skillet and onto the plates, drizzling chocolate sauce onto them. "Here you go." I pass a plate to James and we both sit down at the table.

"These are really good." He says, taking a bite.

"I told you they were."

"Well, you were right."

"Of course I was."

He smiles and leans towards me, giving me a chocolatey kiss. "Thank you."

I don't entirely know what he's thanking me for, but I kiss him back. "You're welcome."

 **Hello guys! I am back, and I'm sorry it took so long. I've had a really busy summer, but chapters should hopefully be coming out regularly again. Please comment, thanks!**


	42. Ch-21, Pt-2

**Laf's P.O.V**

James and I have been dating for over two years now. We're both out of college, and both happy to have the other in our life.

The police did end up catching the people that kidnapped me. They couldn't get in touch with my father, so the money was given to me, and I gave half to my mother.

I step into the cemetery, the dried leaves crunching under my feet. I look around, making sure no one else is occupying the area. No matter how long it's been, I'll probably always be jumpy when in the graveyard.

I make my way over to Herc's grave and plop down on the grass. It's hard to believe he's been gone for over three years. I run my fingers over the slightly weathered words on the stone as a wave of emotion surges over me.

"Je t'aime, mon chéri." I whisper softly as tears slowly flow down the sides of my face. "I...I found someone that makes me happy. A-and I make him happy, too. You'd want me to be happy, right? I know you would…" I'll see Herc again someday, but I'm so happy with James.

I reach inside my pocket for probably the hundredth time, making sure the small box was in it.

"Wish me luck." I say quietly before wiping my tears and standing up, going to meet my boyfriend.

* * *

"Hi, Laf."

"Bonjour, mon cheri." I greet James, pecking him on the cheek. "Where to, tonight?"

"Tonight I made dinner."

I smile. We always go back and forth choosing where we go out to eat, and I love it when James makes dinner. The food he always prepares is amazing.

I follow him into his house to see the food already prepared and set out on the table.

"I made pork shoulder...have you ever had it before?"

"Non, I don't think so. Is it good?"

He laughs. "Of course it's good! What, do you think I'd feed you poison?"

"I would hope not!" I chuckle in response.

"Good." He kisses me, then pulls my chair out from under the table. He takes his seat on the opposite side of the table and we both begin to eat.

Once again, I slip my hand inside my pocket, reassuring myself that the box is still there. But now isn't the right moment. Not yet.

"So…" I try to start a conversation, only to waver, unsure what to say.

"So…" He replies, grinning at me. "You okay? You're usually a lot more talkative."

"Just thinking." Maybe this is the right time to pop the question?

"Thinking about what?"

I take a deep breath. "James, we've been together for quite some time, and well, I've been thinking-"

"You're not going to break up with me, are you?" He interrupts, panic drawn across his face. "I'm sorry, whatever I did wrong, I promise I'll do better!"

"No! Non, of course not! Je suis desole, I realize that's what it sounded like." I reply quickly. "James. You and I have been together for so long. And...and I want it to stay that way." I reach into my pocket and pull the box out, opening it and setting it in front of him.

He lets out a small gasp, picking the box up and examining the ring inside. "Do...do you really mean it?"

"Of course, James. Of course I mean it. Will you marry me?"

He lets out a giddy squeal. "Yes! Yes, of course!"

 **One more chapter for Part Two...please R &R. Also, I have a Pinterest account. It's Gingerswan, my profile pic is a four leaf clover. I post a bunch of my (Hamilton) art on there, so please check that out, and maybe follow me? Thanks so much for reading, I appreciate it!**


	43. Ch-22, Pt-2

James' P.O.V

Today's the big day. And of course, I'm panicking.

"Is it really in just a few minutes?" I say, running my hands through my short hair as I pace back and forth. "What if I say something wrong, or what if I just freeze, or-or—"

"James." Thomas interrupts. "Everything will be fine. Rehearsals went well yesterday."

Thomas and I are far from being friends like we used to be. However, he was really trying to be better, and had explained a lot of what had happened to him and why he did what he had. I decided to give him another chance.

"Yeah, but it was rehearsal! Anything can go perfectly fine at rehearsal and then go completely wrong the next day!"

He releases a light chuckle. "James, you're stressing too much."

"Stressing too much?" I shriek. "Thomas, this is my wedding!"

"Exactly. This is the day your life changes for the better. Why should you be stressed?"

"Because I'm getting married to someone I don't deserve! He's so much better than me, and I'm afraid I'll mess everything up!"

"No. James, you deserve him. You deserve to be happy with him. You deserve him way more than I ever did."

"Gee, I wonder why?" I mutter sarcastically.

"Hey! I treated both of you like shit. I know no matter how many times I say sorry, it won't amount to what I did to you guys." He sighs. "My point is that you two are made for each other. You shouldn't stress."

I take a deep breath. "You're right...you're right. Thanks, Tom." I give him a small smile.

"You're welcome." He replies, standing up. "Come on, it's almost time."

"Already?!"

"James? You will be fine." He replies as we walk out of the room. "I have to go sit down, now. You'll do fine."

"Okay…" I watch as he steps into the wedding hall, and I'm left waiting for my turn.

Finally, when everyone is in place, I step into the large room.

People are staring at me. I don't like being stared at. I look straight ahead to see Laf smiling at me from the front.

I step up next to him, and then the two of us turn towards each other, going through our vows.

As I'm speaking, an expression flits over Laf's face. Recognition? I can't turn around and look behind me, so I just continue speaking. He gives my hands a tight squeeze, and I squeeze back gently.

Finally, we finish our vows and are permitted to kiss. We stay that way for a minute—maybe two—before finally pulling away. He has tears streaming down his face. Tears of joy, right? They have to be.

People begin to get up and go to the reception. Laf begins to follow, but I tug gently on his arm, holding him back.

"Laf? What are you crying?"

He just looks down, unwilling to make eye contact.

"Laf?"

"You'll...you'll hate me!"

"I will not hate you. I just married you." I kiss him lightly.

"I just…I love you so much."

"Then why are you crying?"

"I...I thought I saw Herc. I know, I'm crazy, but it seemed so real, and I just—"

"Shh." I press a finger against his lips. "What was Herc doing?"

"Just standing behind you. He looked happy, but also kinda sad at the same time…"

"Hey." I embrace him. "I believe you saw him. I'm not mad, and you're not crazy. Now, let's go party, okay?"

"D'accord." He replies, before kissing me once more.

 **Alright, sorry about that mess up, guys. I don't know why it put it in code...**

 **Anyway, this is the end of part two, thank you for reading, please R &R, part three will be up in a few weeks!**


	44. Ch-1 Pt-3

Laf's P.O.V

I wake up, my arms wrapped around my husband. "Good morning, mon cheri." I whisper into his ear.

He rolls over, looking at me. "We're married."

"Oui. We are and it's wonderful." I kiss him lightly on the tip of his nose, remembering how Herc would always do it to me. "Now we have to plan our honeymoon." I smile playfully at him.

"Not today." James replies, yawning.

"What are we doing today, then?"

"Can we just stay in bed and...I dunno, reminisce? Talk about college, memorable dates, and just enjoy the fact that we spent our first night as a married couple together?" He took a breath. I just want to start everything off right."

I chuckle lightly. "Of course we can. We don't have anything else planned for today."

"When we do get out of bed, though, can you make crepes? That was the first thing you made when we became a couple…"

"It was, wasn't it? Oui, of course I can make crepes."

"Yay." He says softly, curling up close to me and entangling our legs.

"Mon cheri, you are so cute."

"I try to be."

I smile again. I can't help but do so around him. "So, What was your favorite date?"

"Probably when you proposed to me."

"I think that's my favorite, too."

"Yeah. That double date at the amusement park with Alex and John was fun though, too."

"Uh-huh. At least until Alex got sick on that water ride."

"Ugh, yeah. He deserved it, though."

"You still don't like Alex very much?"

"Nope, and I have every right to not like him. He was so mean."

"Thomas was mean too."

"Yeah, but he was also abused by someone. He didn't know how to respond. It doesn't mean I'm comfortable around him, far from it, but at least there's some reason. Alexander didn't like me, only for the reason that I was not Herc."

"True." I reply, hugging James tightly. "That was an awful mess, wasn't it?"

"Yeah...and that was before we were even together."

"Was it?"

"Yeah, because Alex told me that you'd never love me 'cause I was a girl…" he says, tears springing forward.

"Shh, shh, it wasn't true, Alex was wrong." I quickly reply. "Oh, baby, don't cry, it's okay, don't cry. I love you." I gently thumbed away his tears.

He buried his face into my chest, wrapping his arms tightly around me. "Why can't everyday be like this? Where I get to sleep in and spend the day with you instead of going to work?"

"You don't have to work, you know that, right? We have over a million dollars."

"You work too. Besides, if I didn't have a job, I think I'd go crazy with boredom."

"Oui, that is true."

—

James' P.O.V

I tilt my head up to look at my husband. "We have a pretty good life, don't we?"

"Yeah. Especially now that college drama is over."

"We had an exceptional amount of college drama."

"Oui."

"You'll never leave me, right?"

"Not on purpose. Never on purpose."

"When...when you were kidnapped, I was afraid I'd never see you again."

"Well, your fears were unfounded, because here I am." He kisses me lightly, grinning happily. "That week was the worst of my life. I still have the scar."

"Yeah…"

"I was afraid I wouldn't see you again, either."

"You were?"

"Oui." He kisses me again. "But it's alright, because now we're both here, and never have to worry about anything like that happening again."

"I hope we don't." I reply, my stomach growling.

"Sounds like it's time for me to make breakfast." Laf says, beginning to sit up.

"Noooo...it's warm in bed."

"You can stay in bed while I make breakfast."

"Nooo…" I wrap my arms around him. "Stay."

He plants a kiss on my cheek. "Come on. Put a sweatshirt on. You're already wearing sweatpants. It'll be like being covered in blankets."

"Fine."

Laf threw back the covers and I scrambled to the closet to grab a sweatshirt. I pulled it over my head and followed him into the kitchen of our small house.

I took a seat at the island while Laf began pulling ingredients out.

"Sometime I'll have to make muffins." He says, plugging the skillet in.

"Ooh, yeah. Do you know how to make poppyseed muffins?" I ask.

He shakes his head, his ponytail bouncing lightly as he does so. "I've only made blueberry and chocolate before. Those are the kinds that Herc liked…" he drifts off. "But I'm sure if you have the recipe I can make them." He gives me a weak smile, and I can tell he's trying to hold everything together.

"Are you okay, Laf?" I ask softly.

"Y-Yeah. W-why wouldn't I be?"

"You're stuttering. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I know."

I get up and give him a hug, and he leans into me. "So, what's wrong?"

"Why did you want to marry me?" He asks softly.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"All I ever do is talk about how much I miss Herc." He whimpers softly. "Why would you want to deal with that?"

"You love me, right?"

"Of course."

"I love you. And I know you're hurting. I want to help, and I promise you'll never be mad if you talk about Herc. Okay?"

"D'accord." He slowly pulls away. "I should get started on the crepes…"

"Alright, love." I plant a kiss softly on his lips and then sit back down as he begins mixing the ingredients together.

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"Of course. What kind of husband would I be if I wasn't?"

He gives me a small smile and pours the batter onto the skillet. "We came together under strange circumstances, didn't we?"

"Yeah…" I respond slowly. "What made you want to protect me from Thomas? I didn't even try to stand in his way during high school, so why…?"

"You were about to get hurt. What kind of person would I have been to just stand by and watch it all happen? You came to my dorm bruised all over, and you were sobbing. Of course I wanted to protect you." He flips the crepe over, letting the other side cook. "And through that, I fell in love with you." He gives me a small smile.

"You did, didn't you?" I smile back. "And now we're married. So everything turned out okay."

"Oui." He takes the crepes off the skillet and puts one on my plate, drizzling chocolate sauce over it. "Everything turned out okay." He sits down next to me and I lean against him.

"Hey Laf, if we're so rich, why do we have such a small house?"

"Well, do we really need anything bigger?" He asks. "It is just the two of us, and it's not like we have a ton of stuff. Maybe if ever adopt we could move into a bigger house...if that's something you'd want to do, I'm not saying we have to decide right now, it's just…" he rushed, flustered.

I place my hand gently on top of his own, something I do regularly to get him to relax. "Maybe. However, once we get a kid we're stuck with them until they're eighteen, at least. I want a few years for the two of us."

"Oh. Yeah, of course." He replies quickly. "Sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for." I say. "I'm fine with the house we have, I was only wondering."

"D'accord."

I take a bite of my crepe. "Once again, you have succeeded in making wonderful food, love."

"Merci."

I smile. "I love hearing you speak French. It's so much more elegant in English."

"I could teach you."

"What? Um, I don't know...I don't think I'd be very good at it…"

"It just takes practice. It took me a year to be able to speak English fluently."

"Only a year? You do realize that's not normal, right?"

"It's not?"

"No."

"Oh. Guess I'm just smart."

"Yeah. You are pretty intelligent."

"Merci."

"That means thanks?"

"Oui."

"Huh. Alright." I finish my crepe and put the plate in the dishwasher. I sit back down and he wraps his arms around me.

"Je t'aime."

"Does that you mean you love me?"

"Oui."


	45. Ch-2, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

"So, honeymoon ideas?" I ask, my pencil poised over the paper.

"Hawaii?" Laf suggests.

"Possibly." I jot that down on the paper. "What about..." I stop, thinking while chewing on the end of the pencil. "How about New Orleans? It's got lots of theaters, so we could go see a show...they also have a lot of French culture...what do you think?"

"Why don't we go to France?" He asks, his eyes shining. "We can go see the Eiffel Tower, and the Arc de Triomphe, and I can show you all the best places to go to eat, and, and..."

He looks so excited, like a child on Christmas. "Alright." I say, crumpling the list. "Let's go to France."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I nod. We can afford it, can't we?"

"Of course we can, but is that really where you want to go?"

"You seem so excited about showing me everything, and I would love to see your home country." I kiss him on the cheek. "Can you buy the plane tickets? You know more about it than I do."

"Oui, of course. I'll do it after lunch." He nods, the smile still plastered over his face. "It's been about ten years since I moved here...I hope most of it's still the same."

"I'm sure it will be, love." I grin back at him. His smile it contagious. "Do you want grilled cheese for lunch?"

"With ham, s'il vous plait!"

"Of course." I reply, pulling the ham out of the fridge. "Laf, why aren't you wearing your beanie?" I ask, noticing that, unlike usual, it's not on his head.

"What?" His hands fly to the top of his head. "I thought I put it on!" He looks panicked. "I don't know where I would've put it!"

"Hey, it's alright. Calm down." I say, putting both of my hands on his shoulders. "You'll find it, alright? Deep breaths, lots of deep breaths."

His breathing slowly steadies out. "Help me find it, James."

"I will, I'll help you find it." I say softly. "Let's go look in our room, okay?"

"D'accord."

I help him to his feet and he follows me into our room. "Where'd you set it last night?"

"On...on my night stand." He stutters out, struggling to hold everything together. "I'm-I'm sorry for making such a big deal out of this..."

"No, don't be sorry, love. It's alright. We'll find it. I don't know the exact reason why he wants it so bad, but it must be special in some way for him to be freaking out like this. I look around his nightstand and see that the beanie has fallen between it and the wall. I pull it forward and grap the headpiece, handing it to Laf. "There you go, love. Told you we'd find it."

He grabs it and hugs it tightly to himself. Rocking gently back and forth. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry, Herc, I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's alright." I try to comfort him, but tears continue rolling down his cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"This...this was Herc's beanie. He g-gave it to m-me...how could I have been so stupid as to lose it?"

"Shh...you're not stupid, Laf. We all misplace things. It's okay." I hug him tightly. "It's okay." We just sit there for a moment as Laf tries to calm down. "It's okay, love." I say again. "No one's mad at you."

"I'm mad at myself."

"Don't be. You just made a mistake." I kiss him lightly. "About I go make grilled cheese now, okay?"

"A-alright." He tugs the beanie over his head, the tears slowly stopping as we walk back into the kitchen. "S-sorry."

"I already told you there's nothing to apologize for." I kiss him again, and again, and again, until he stops crying. "You don't need to be sorry."

He hugs me tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too. But I need you to let go of me so I can make grilled cheese, okay?"

"D'accord." He releases me, but looks reluctant to do so. I give him a warm smile before grabbing the bread, cheese, and butter. He sat in silence, watching as I began making the sandwiches.

"Hey. Is everything alright?"

"Oui, why wouldn't I be?"

"You're just really quiet."

"Not as quiet as I could be." He snaps, a tone of voice he rarely uses with me. "Sorry...just...I have too many thoughts. I'm trying to be he best I can for you, but I'm scared you're going to end up hating me."

"Laf, I will never hate you. Just tell me what's wrong if you want to, but if you don't, that's okay, too. John and Alex told me that you...that you went silent in senior year of high school. I'm sorry I wasn't the friend I should've been then. But if you do ever go silent again, I'll still love you, but I will miss hearing your beautiful voice."

He smiles. "That's really sweet. It also sounds scripted."

"I can assure you it's not." I grin back.

"Alright."

I finish making the grilled cheese and plate each of them before sitting down next to Laf. "So...um, well, I was wondering..." I start awkwardly.

"Yes?"

"Well, I didn't have enough money to do it before, but now, well, if I can use some of your money—"

"James, it's our money. Not mine."

"Right, well, anyway, it doesn't have to be right away, just maybe sometime within the year, um...I want to get surgery..." My voice gets really quiet.

He looks confused. "Surgery...for what?"

I blush. "So, um...so I don't have to...to wear a binder anymore. And for, um, for implants..."

"Oh. Oui, of course you can get surgery, if that will make you happy. Speaking of your binder, shouldn't you take it off? You've been wearing it since yesterday, and aren't you only supposed to have it on for eight hours?"

"Well, yeah, but—"

"I know that Thomas used to force you to take it off...I'm not trying to do that to you! I'm only looking out for your well-being...sorry..."

"Laf, you're fine. I know. I know you wouldn't do that to me..." I reply. "I'm just...kinda uncomfortable having it off around you...I know you'll love me no matter what, but I'm always kinda scared..."

"Oh, mon cheri, I'm sorry. We can schedule your surgery soon, if that'll make you feel any better."

"Okay. And you're right, I probably should take it off. Thank you for listening."

"Of course."


	46. Ch-3, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

"Do you have everything scheduled?"

"Oui, and I have our passports. Do you have everything packed?" He responds.

"Yeah. We take off tomorrow?"

"Oui. We have to leave for the airport at six in the morning."

"That's so early."

"I know. But you can sleep on the drive, and on the plane." Laf replies, kissing me lightly on the cheek. "We can go to bed earlier tonight, too."

"Alright." I smile at him. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Isn't it my turn to cook?"

"No, you made dinner yesterday." I chuckle lightly. "Sounds like you're the one that needs the extra sleep."

"Did I cook yesterday?"

"Yeah. What do you want me to make, Love?"

"Roast, I guess? I dunno, as long as it tastes good."

I give him a curious look. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Oui, I think so."

I place my hand against his forehead to check for a temperature. "Your forehead feels fine."

"I told you, I'm fine, ma cheré."

I press a kiss against his forehead. "Alright, love. Just tell me if you need anything."

"I said I'm fine." He leans against me. "I'm sorry...I've been snapping at you so much lately…"

"Hey, it's alright."

"Non, it's not. I've been treating you like...like shit! And we've only been married for—what, a week?" A few tears drip onto his cheeks. Desolé."

"Hey. Hey, you're alright. We're still kind of getting used to life together, and constantly being in each other's company. It's alright if you snap at me sometimes."

"Non. Non, it's not." He kisses me, his soft lips against my own. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's fine, Laf. I forgive you."

"Okay...I just don't want you to regret marrying me…"

"Why would I regret marrying the love of my life? I reply, pressing my mouth back against his.

"I...I don't know. I just don't want you to think I'm a mistake."

"Laf. You are NOT a mistake. Please don't think that." I give him a tight hug. Laf has gotten better over the years, but of course there are moments when he begins to doubt himself. I doubt myself too, sometimes. I'm sure everyone does. But when Laf does it, it can get pretty bad.

"But...what if I am?"

"You're NOT."

"You're sure?"

"I'm a hundred percent sure, love." I place a kiss on his cheek, and he curls up close to me.

"D'accord." He buries his face in my chest, wrapping his arms around me.

I wrap my arms gently around him. "Love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

James is so warm. I hug him tightly as I cuddle close to him. "Sorry."

I say again.

"You say sorry a lot."

"Sor—" I stop. "Herc said that too. That I say sorry too much."

"Did he?"

"Yeah." I nod. "He did." I smile to myself.

"What'cha smiling about?"

"Memories."

"Happy memories, I'm assuming?"

"Uh-huh."

"Memories of what?"

"Memories of you and me, memories of Herc and me, memories of friends…" I drift off. "Even a few good memories of Thomas."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I nod. I think this is the happiest I've been all week. Other than the wedding, of course.

"That's good. It's nice to see you smile." James kisses me, making me beam. "God, you're so cute."

I blush, still unused to the sweet nothings James whispers to me. "Y-you're cute too."

"Aww, are you blushing?"

"Maybe~" I giggle softly.

He presses his mouth against mine, moving his hands down and around my waist. A small squeak escapes my lips.

He moves away, chuckling. "Are you alright?"

"Oui. Kiss me again, sil vous plâit!"

His mouth goes back against mine, and I gently push him into a lying down position. This time he lets out a squeak. I'm about to move up to make sure he's okay, but he pulls me back down, placing his hands against my hips and squeezing. A soft moan claws its way out of my throat. I let my mouth travel away from James' and down to his neck.

"Laf?"

"What?"

"You're squishing me…"

"I am?"

"Yes...get off, please."

I sit back up. James stays in a lying down position, breathing heavily.

"James? James, are you alright?"

"Y-yeah...I'm fine. Couldn't g-get enough air in." He pants.

"I almost killed you…"

"No, you didn't." He sits up. "Just...next time we decide to make out, please don't lie on top of me."

"Okay...sorry."

"You're alright. You didn't know, love." He kisses me again. "I love you. How about we go work on dinner, okay?"

"Okay."

 **I'm so sorry this took me forever to get this chapter out. I'm taking several advanced classes, plus I'm currently in the play and will be trying out for the musical, which is going to be…(drumroll)...In The Heights! So I'm hoping to be in that and will see if the director will let me audition for Usnavi. If I get the part, I'll be at practice a lot and will be updating even more infrequently. I'm really sorry and hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review, I'll try to get another chapter out as soon as possible.**


	47. Ch-4, Pt-3

**Laf's P.O.V**

"James." I shake him gently. "James, it's time to get up."

He cracks his eyes open. "It's too early…"

"You can sleep in the car, we have to drive to the airport."

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me back onto the bed. "Sleep."

"Non. You have to get up." I gently pry his arms off of me. "Come on. Up."

He slowly sits up. "Do I have to?"

I chuckle lightly. "James. We're going to France."

He yawns, stretching. "Alright, alright. I'm up." He slides out of bed, and I leave the room to let him change. He's still so conscious of doing it in front of me, which I suppose is understandable.

I go into the kitchen and get coffee made, and James walks out of our room a few minutes later, still rubbing his eyes.

I pour the coffee into two travel mugs and hand one to James. We climb into the car, (which we had loaded with our luggage last night) and take off.

James puts his mug in the cupholder and leans against the seat, shutting his eyes.

I rest my arm across his shoulders as he drifts off. It's only a two hour drive to the airport, but if he's still tired he can sleep on the plane. I begin the drive towards the city where the airport is located.

This is nice. Even though we're in the car, it's relaxing, just the two of us. I place a kiss on his forehead as I maneuver down the road. A soft noise escapes his mouth.

About an hour into the drive, he wakes up. "Where are we?"

"About halfway there."

"Okay." He says drowsily, looking out his window. "Wow."

"Wow what?"

"It's pretty."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He smiles at me. "Thank you."

"Du rien."

He glances at me curiously. "That means…?"

"You're welcome."

"Oh." He leans against me, eyes glimmering with tears.

"Ma chere, what is wrong?" I ask, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I dunno…" He takes a sip of his coffee. "There's no words."

"Do you need chocolate?"

"Do we have chocolate?"

"In the glove box."

He pops it open and pulls out a king-size bar of chocolate. He peels the wrapper off and snaps off a bit of the treat, passing it to me.

"Merci."

"You're welcome." He takes a bite. "Why do you love me?"

"Huh?" I say at first, surprised at the question. "I love you because you're nice, and compassionate, and you love me, and you give really good hugs, and we have a lot in common, and you're beautiful, and you always know what to say." I stop, thinking of more. "And I like when you play with my hair. Why?"

"Just wondering." He replies softly.

"Alright. I still have more."

"Same them for another time." He says gently, taking another bite of the chocolate. "Do you want some more?"

"No thanks, love." I reply. "You can have it."

"Thank you…" He says happily, taking a bite of the treat. "So, what hotel will we be staying at?"

"I actually reserved a room at a bed and breakfast." I reply. "Not as many people to share a place with."

"Oh."

"You're okay with that, right?"

"Yeah, of course. It sounds nice." He's quiet for a moment. "I've never been on a plane before."

"Never?"

"Uh-uh." He shakes his head.

"There's a really pretty view. You'll like it." I reply. "The ocean sparkles."

"Cool."

"Yeah, it is cool." I smile. "Je t'aime."

"Love you too." He smiles at me. "I'm so lucky."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because," He replies simply. "I have you."

"You're so sweet."

"I like this. Just the two of us, without any errands that need to be run. Quiet. Peaceful.

"Oui, I was thinking the same thing."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh." I turn down another road. We're now about half an hour away from the airport. "We're almost there."

"Okay." He kisses me on the cheek.

The rest of the drive is quiet. James has grabbed onto my hand, knotting our fingers together.

I pull into the airport parking lot. "Ready?"

 **Haha I managed to get 2 chapters out in a week! I hope you enjoy, please review and let me know what you think!**

 **Also, I have an Instagram now. You can find me gingerswan_art. I do a lot of art from Hamilton, and other musicals, and just random doodles in general.**


	48. Ch-5, Pt-3

**Laf's P.O.V**

Airport security, as always, is a pain. Everything has to be checked, and we're near the back of the line. James is already getting sick of it.

"Why we gotta wait?" He whines, hanging on me.

"James, you sound like a child." I reply. "It's standard. We have to wait."

"But why?"

"Because. They have to make sure we don't have guns, or knives, or any other harmful substance."

"But we don't..."

"That's right. But they don't know that."

"Ugh..."

"Yes, ugh." I reply, taking a step forward in the slowly moving line.

He hugs me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder. "I'm bored..."

"You're an adult, silly." I reply. "Of course you're bored."

He chuckles lightly. "I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am." I say jokingly.

He pecks me on the cheek. "Do we still have to wait in line?"

"Oui."

"Ugh..." He groans. "I'm hungry..."

"We'll get food after this."

"But I want food now..."

"James..."

"What?"

"Fine. There's a a Starbucks next door, go get us drinks and a cookie or something. With how slow this line is moving we should be able to finish before we have to go through security." I pass him a twenty.

* * *

 **James' P.O.V**

I feel like an ass. Here we are, Laf's trying to do something special, and all I'm doing is complaining. And I feel awful about it, I really do, it's just so boring.

I walk into the coffee shop and quickly order our drinks, (the line is moving more quickly than the one for airport security is) and begin heading out the door when I bump into someone, being the klutz I am.

"Sorry!" Her and I exclaim at the same time.

She looks up at me, and a light gasp escapes her mouth. "Hercules?"

I freeze. "Sorry?"

"Oh, my apologies, you look like someone I used to know."

"Hercules Mulligan?" I ask slowly.

"Yes! You know him? How is he? I haven't heard from him in forever."

"Oh...miss, I'm sorry, but—"

"But what?"

"He...he died. A few years back, in our second year of college..."

Her face falls. "Really?"

I nod.

"His boyfriend must've been devastated...have you at least talked to him recently?"

"Laf?"

"Yes, that's his name!" She nods. "I met him once. He's so nice." She smiles. "I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? I'm Elizabeth."

"Well, Elizabeth, it has been wonderful to meet you, but I really have to be going..."

"Oh, of course. I hope to run into again, mr..."

"Just call me James." I reply. "My names's James." And then I'm out the door.

* * *

 **Laf's P.O.V**

James steps back into line, passing me a coffee. I have moved forward approximately seven feet.

"That took longer than expected." I say. "Did something happen?"

"Yes, actually." He replies. "Someone thought I was Herc. She knows who you are, too."

"Who?" I ask, surprised.

"Er, Elizabeth? I think that's what her name was..."

"Oh, Elizabeth Sanders! I remember her!" I reply. "What'd she say?"

"Not a whole lot. She didn't...she didn't know that Herc died..."

"No one told her?"

"Apparently not." James replies as we move another foot in line.

I hug James tightly. "Je t'aime. Please don't leave me."

He kisses me. "I'll never have any reason to. I never, ever, ever, ever will leave you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

 **Haha I actually got another chapter out this month! Yay! Happy Halloween to those that celebrate it, have a wonderful time trick or treating or whatever else you do! I'll try to get another chapter up soon!**

 **Pop Quiz: Who was Elizabeth Sanders in history?**

 **Whoever is first to get it correct I will take a story request from for something to happen in this doc or one of my others!**


	49. Ch-6, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

I look out the window of the plane onto the runway. There's still about a half hour until the plane takes off, but Laf wanted to find our seats early.

He's leaning against me, sleeping. He did drive the entire way here, so he has every right to be tired.

I wrap my arm around his shoulders and lean my head against his own. A soft noise escapes his mouth, and he leans in even closer to me.

"Tired?"

"Mm-hm."

I allow my eyes to close too, and pretty soon I'm asleep.

 **Laf's P.O.V**

When I wake up we're in the air. I carefully lean over James and look out the window to see the ocean sparkling below us. I glance at my watch. Judging by the time, I was asleep about two hours.

James wakes up a few minutes later. "How long have you been awake for?"

"Only a couple of minutes."

"Oh." He looks out the window, then quickly back to me, burying his face in my chest.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't like heights..."

I give him a hug. "Sorry."

"It's okay." His fingers dig into the fabric of my shirt.

"Love ya."

"Mm-hm." He moves a hand onto my leg, drawing small circles. "Hey, Laf?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever want kids?"

"What?"

"You heard me. We-"

"James." I cut him off. "I don't think that right now, on a plane, is the time to talk about that. Maybe later, alright? It's important to talk about, just not right now."

"Oh...alright. Sorry."

"It's okay." I place a kiss on the back of his neck. "Love you, cheri."

"Love you, too." He's quiet for a moment. "Can I ask you a different question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Of course you can ask."

"What was Herc like?"

Everything seems to stop. "You mean...you want to know?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you'll tell me."

I nod. "D'accord." I close my eyes, thinking back. "Well, when I first met him, it was about...er, seven months after Thomas and I broke up? I was still silent." I take a breath. "When I showed up to the dorm, he asked if anymore people were coming, and I responded 'deux'. He thought I was being rude and said 'duh', and since he was getting mad after I had just spoken french, it sent me into a panic attack. But, after I explained what happened-I had to, there was no one to explain for me-I just...it was easy to talk to him. Alex and John were shocked when they walked in and I was speaking full sentences." I smile.

"Tell me more."

"Like what?"

"Like...how did you guys get together?"

"Heh...that's kind of a funny story..." I chuckle. "It was our first day back for sophomore year. Alex hadn't arrived yet, so I had been calling Herc 'mon amour', because hey, he and John didn't understand what I was saying. And then Alex walked in, and I forgot he's fluent in french. So then he told John what I was saying, who then told Herc. Who then asked me out later that night."

"Aw, that's so cute."

"Yeah, I was really happy." I smile. "Thomas ruined our first date, though...he physically tried to pull me away from Herc...but Herc shoved him away." I feel tears working their way out of my eyes. "Can I stop now?"

"What's wrong?"

"It's making me sad..." I reply, my voice cracking. "I miss him."

James hugs me tightly. "I know. I know you do."

"James...James, I miss him so much!" I begin shaking.

"Love...love, it's going to be alright. It's going to be alright."

I'm trying to stiffle my tears, trying not to be a disturbance to others on the plane. "I-I miss him..." I rest my head on James shoulder, trying to calm my breathing.

James, as he's hugging me, rocks my gently back and forth. "Shh, you're going to be okay. I promise."

"Mmph..."

 **James' P.O.V**

I hug Laf tightly, repeating the same thing over and over. "You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. I promise, you're going to be okay."

"I-I know...I know..."

I kiss him lightly on the cheek. "I'm sorry for asking about him."

"N-non...don't be sorry..." Laf replies, wiping tears away. "It's probably good for me to talk about it..." He leans his head against my chest, taking deep breaths, in and out. "I should be over it by now! It...it's been over three years...and I'm not being fair to you at all..."

"Shh...you don't have to be over it. I realize that you two were really close, and I realize that Herc will always hold a special place in your heart, and that there's nothing I can do to change that. And you know what?" I squeeze his hand tightly. "That's completely okay. You're being completely fair."

"N-no I'm not..."

"Don't lie like that. I told you, it's okay. I understand."

"Really?"

"Really."

 **Hey guys, sorry I haven't been updating very frequently, I've been really busy lately. Also, if you haven't already, you should listen to Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812. Phillipa was in the original cast before Hamilton, and it's so catchy! Please R &R, thanks!**


	50. Ch-7, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

Laf sits quietly next to me. I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess I didn't entirely realize how much he still misses Herc. And. I guess I'm not being entirely truthful to myself. I know I can't replace Herc. I wish I could, to make Laf happy again. And, I suppose it hurts a little, to know he loves someone more than me. I understand, I know what he's gone through, and he's dealt with so much. But I wish, I wish I could be first in Laf's heart. Not Herc. And I know that makes me sound like an ass, but it's true.

"I love you." I place a kiss on his cheek. "I love you so much."

"Love you too."

Why did I have to be his second option? Why couldn't he have loved me first?

"Do you?" I bite my lip. I'm such an ass.

"What?"

"Sorry...I'm really sorry..." I find myself whimpering. "Sorry...sorry..."

"Of course I love you." He looks at me. "Why would you say that?"

"I-I don't know." Of course I do. Who am I kidding? "I don't know..." Why am I lying to him? I don't want to lie...

"Alright." He leans back in his seat, squeezing my hand tightly. I don't deserve him.

I shut my eyes tightly. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?

0o0o0o

I must've fallen asleep, because when I open my eyes, we've landed. Laf is grinning, bouncing excitedly in his seat.

"Oh good, you're awake." He's beaming. "I didn't want to have to wake you up. You're so cute when you're sleeping."

I smile back. Why am I so mean to him?

"We have to wait a few minutes, but then we can get off the plane."

"Alright, Laf."

Sure enough, a few minutes later we're off the plane, grabbing our luggage.

"I can't believe I'm back!" Laf exclaims as we step outside.

"When was the last time you were here?"

"Well, we moved to America when I was twelve...we did come back a few times to visit family and friends...a girl came back with us once to be an exchange student for a year..." He hails a taxi and we both climb in. "I'm so excited!"

"I can tell." I kiss him on the cheek. "How far away is the place we're staying?"

"Only about a ten minute drive." Laf replies. "Don't worry, everything's going to be fine."

"I never said I was worried."

"Non, but you were thinking it." He teases.

"Maybe. But maybe I wasn't." I reply, grinning.

He kisses me on the tip of my nose. "Je t'aime."

I smile, blushing happily. A few minutes later the taxi pulls in front of a rather large house. Probably six to seven bedrooms.

"This is it." Laf says, grinning. "Come on!" He hurries out of the taxi and grabs our luggage, myself following closely behind.

"We have to get our room key, then we can unpack." He says, holding the door open for me.

"Alright."

We walk in, and Laf goes goes up to the front desk, where a young woman is sitting, looking down.

"Excuze moi, mademoiselle?" Laf says. "We need to check in."

She looks up and gasps, a shocked expression on her face. "Gil?" She asks incredulously. "Mon dieu...you're back..."

"I'm sorry?" He looks confused.

"Do you really not remember me, Gil? Your 'belle, cheri, amour, bien-aimee? C'est moi. I'm Adrienne."

0o0o0o0

 **Laf's P.O.V**

"Adrienne?"

"Oh good, so you do remember me." She smiles, tossing her ponytail to the side. "What brings you back?"

Well, this is slightly awkward. Not exactly how I imagined meeting up with an ex-girlfriend. "Honeymoon." I reply as nonchalantly as I can.

"Oh." She replies, her smile falling. Her eyes drift over to James. "Is she the lucky woman?"

Some people...

"He." I correct. James is standing silent, but clutches onto my hand.

Adrienne laughs. "I'm sorry? I must've heard you wrong." She looks him up and down. "This girl is the best you could do?"

James' grip gets tighter, and I understand why. Not only is she refusing to use his correct pronouns, she's speaking as if he's not in the room.

"What's your name, sweetie?"

"James." He says softly.

"Jamie? That's a cute name."

I glance at James, who looks about ready to cry.

"Look, Adrienne, it was great to see you again, really, but I didn't come here so you could harass my husband. Can we please just have our room key?

"Gil, please. You and I both know you're not gay."

"I think you're forgetting that we were only fifteen when we dated." I say through clenched teeth. "Now, please give me the room key."

"Fine," she drops it into my hand. "Enjoy your stay."


	51. Ch-8, Pt-3

Laf's P.O.V

As soon as I have the door to our room closed behind us, James bursts into tears. I hug him tightly as he buries his face in my chest.

"Ma cheré, I'm sorry."

"How did you date someone so awful?" He sobs.

"She was the exchange student. I was stuck with her for a year. She played with my emotions a lot, and I was relieved when she went back to France."

Shuddered sobs wrack James' body,and I slowly help him sit on the bed, lovingly caressing his cheek.

"She's right, though...you could do so much better than me…"

"Non! Non, that's not true! You are amazing, special, and beautiful to me, and I'm so lucky to have even found you, cheri." I pepper him with kisses, and a small smile spreads over his face. "You are my bien-aimee."

"What does that mean?"

"Beloved."

"Mhm." He makes a soft noise, hugging me tightly, his tears soaking my shirt. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough."

"Lies. Of course you're good enough. You're perfect."

"Even more than Herc?" He asks softly, then whimpers. "Sorry…"

I squeeze him tightly, not answering. Herc was perfect. I can't tell him the truth, but I can't lie to him either. It would only hurt him more.

"Laf? Please answer my question."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then tell me the truth."

"I don't want to…"

"I know you love Herc more. It's okay."

"It's not."

"You can't control your feelings. It's okay."

"IT'S NOT OKAY!" I scream, scaring James.

"L-Laf?"

"It...it's not okay!" I sob. "It's not okay…"

"It is okay."

"NON! Non, it's not!" My volume rises. "I should love you, and only you, but I don't, and I feel like an unfaithful piece of shit because of it!"

He hugs me, combing his fingers through my hair. Don't call yourself such horrible names." He kisses my neck, one hand pressing gently against the small of my back.

"But it's true…" I whimper.

He kisses the tip of my nose. "No, it's not. I love you no matter what."

"But—"

"Shh. Deep breaths." He says softly, cutting me off. "Deep breaths."

I slowly steady my breathing out, and he gently thumbs my tears away.

"See? It's okay?"

"It's not," I protest. "It's not…"

"You wouldn't've married me if you didn't love me. But you do love me. It's okay."

I close my eyes and lean against him, still crying softly. "Je t'aime, cheri.

"I know. I know." His hand goes under my chin, angling my face to look at him. "Never regret loving Herc. I never meant that. Herc coms first for you. I understand. It just...it hurts."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I know." His voice is filled with sadness. "I know."

James' P.O.V

I lean forward and kiss him gently, his soft lips brushing against my own.

He looks at me with his soft, brown eyes, which are glistening with tears. "Sorry…" Laf says softly. "I never meant to hurt you."

I kiss him hard, wrapping my arms tightly around him. I lean forward, and he falls backward onto the bed.

We stay like that, me on top of him, kissing.

"I love you." I finally say.

"I love you too." He replies softly. "And I'm sorry."

"Shush. No more about that." I press my finger against his lips. "Let's just be happy, okay? That's why we came here." I roll off of him and curl up next to him. "We came to get away from the craziness of our normal life. So let's enjoy it."

He wraps his arms around me, placing his face by my neck. "Alright." His warm breath drifts over me, and I smile. "What do you want to do tomorrow?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we could go to the Eiffel Tower?" He suggests. "Is that something you would want to do?"

"Sure, hun." I kiss his neck. "It sounds like fun."

"You're sure?"

"Of course. It sounds like a lot of fun." I reply, yawning. "What time is it?"

"Six in the morning in America, twelve in the afternoon here."

"So that's why I'm so tired."

"You slept almost the whole way here."

"I know." I nuzzle up to him. "But I'm still tired."

"You want to take a nap?"

"Yes, please." I reply, and he wraps his arms around me.

"Alright. Sleep well."

"I will." And then I close my eyes.

—

 _Thomas is here. Why is he here?_

 _"Hey, Jamie~"_

 _I look around for Laf. Where is Laf?_

 _Thomas leans over me, placing his hands on my sides. "You ready, Jamie?"_

 _"Mhm…" I look back up and see that it's not Thomas. It's Laf. Why is it Laf? What's going on?_

 _He gets on the bed and sits on me, weighing down on my stomach. I let out a whine. "You're hurting me…"_

 _"Shush. It'll be okay." He pinches me and I yelp. Why is he hurting me?_

 _"You're hurting me…" I say again. "It hurts, it hurts! Get off!"_

—

"James?"

I wake up, gasping for breath. Laf's sitting up, looking at me worriedly. I glance at my hand and see it's shaking.

"James?" He says again. "James, what's wrong?"

"B-bad dream...you were hurting me…" I hug him tightly, burying my face in his chest.

"Oh, cheri…" he hugs me tightly. One of my hands goes up to his hair, which I grab onto in a fistful. I'm being gentle, I would never tug on his hair, it's just very soft. "I will never hurt you."

"I-I know!" I say, trying not to cry. "I know you wouldn't."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Mhm...first It was Thomas, then it was you in the dream...it was scary…" I say softly. "I'm sorry. I sound pathetic."

"Non, non. You don't sound pathetic. You have every right to be scared." He kisses me. "I understand."

"T-Thomas was just s-so m-mean to m-me! A-and I know it was a long time ago, but i-it was s-so a-awful, and—and…"

"It's okay. You can cry."

And so I do. I let the tears roll down my cheeks as I sob into Laf's chest.

He places his hand gently on my back.

"And I know you'll never hurt me, I just...it scared me."

"I understand." Laf says softly. "When he hurt you, it changed the way your mind handles things. It's okay."

I shake, breathing hard.

"Hey. Hey, it's okay."

"I never want to be hurt again…"

"And you won't be. You'll never be hurt again."

"Promise?"

"Promise."


	52. Ch-9, Pt-3

**Laf's P.O.V**

I wake up early. James is curled up under the heavy blankets. I hope he didn't have any more nightmares. I kiss his forehead gently, then swing my legs onto the floor. I silently cross the room and step out the door, walking downstairs. Maybe there's bagels or muffins ready? I'm hungry.

I step into the dining area. There's a plate of yellow muffins with black dots in them. Some sort of lemon mix?

I grab one and begin peeling the wrapper off.

"Hey Gil."

I jump. "Adrienne! Bonjour!"

"Bonjour, amour." She smiles back. "Good sleep?"

I arch my eyebrow, suspicious. "What do you want?"

"Is it so wrong for a girl to talk to her boyfriend?" She walks up to me, gently placing her hand against my face. "I missed you."

I gently push her away. "I am not your boyfriend." I say firmly. "I'm married."

"To a guy." She scoffs. "That's not real love."

"And what do you think is real love?"

"You say he's your 'husband'. That's unnatural, and it's not how the world works, Gil. I have real love for you. More than some guy could ever have."

"And what makes you think that?"

"This." She steps forward again, grabbing onto my ponytail, and, pulling my head down to her level, she kisses me hard.

I shove her away from me, the muffin falling to the ground, forgotten. "I'm sorry, Adrienne. I don't have feelings for you." I spin on my heel and run back into James' and my room.

I slip back under the covers and wrap my arms around James. I can't believe Adrienne did that. I can't believe she kissed me. Should I tell James? I mean, I didn't kiss her, but should I still tell him what happened?

'Come on, relax.' I tell myself. 'James and you are going to the Eiffel Tower today. It'll be a lot of fun, and you can completely forget about Adrienne.'

I smile. 'Yeah. Today can be a good day. I can still make it a good day.'

I close my eyes, letting myself fall back asleep.

0o0o0o0

When I wake up, James is sitting up in bed, reading a book. "Hey," He says softly, setting his book down. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah."

He looks at me. "So you want to get ready and we can go?"

"Alright." I sit up. "What'cha reading?"

"Some book that was left in here. 'The Ordinary Acrobat'. It's about the circus."

"It's in English?"

"Yeah, but there's some occasional French in it. It makes it kinda hard to understand."

"Oh."

"I mean, I understand a little. But not a lot."

"I could teach you."

"Laf, I've tried to understand. I tried to learn it, but it just doesn't make sense."

"You tried to learn?"

"Yeah, when we first started dating. I took an online class for like, three months. I failed the semester exam." He's quiet for a moment. "I wish I could learn. You're always so happy when you speak your own language. I want you to be able to do that."

"Cheri, I will always be happy talking to you, no matter what language." I hug him tightly. "I'm glad you at least tried."

"Okay."

I climb out of bed and grab clean clothes out of the closet, then step into the bathroom to change.

When I step back out, James is standing in the room, wearing jeans and—"Is that a crop top?"

He looks down. "Yeah. Do you...do you like it?"

"Oui, it's cute. I just...wasn't expecting you to wear something so feminine."

"I know it is. I just don't really care."

"D'accord." If he wants to wear it, I won't say anything else. "Let's get breakfast downstairs, and then we can go."

"Alright." He grabs onto me, his long sleeves slipping over his hands. "I'm excited."

"I am too." I reply, pecking him on the cheek.

We walk into the dining area. The muffins are still sitting out. James steps forward and grabs one.

"They're poppyseed." He says, grinning. "You should try one, Laf." He pulls the wrapper back. "My mom would make these all the time."

"I still haven't met your parents." I comment, remembering their absence at the wedding.

"I don't think you will." He says softly.

"Why?"

"They don't like me. They had to deal with me until I was done with high school, but after senior year they kicked me out. They didn't like me being myself."

"Oh, cheri…"

"It...it's okay. I have better people in my life now." He squeezes my hand, taking a small bite of his muffin.

"Sorry for bringing it up."

"It's alright. You didn't know." He squeezes my hand again. "You ready?"

"Yeah." We begin walking out.

"Gil!" I hear Adrienne's voice and inwardly groan.

She comes up and hugs me from behind, making me tense. She quickly kisses my neck. "Love you."

Another squeeze from James.

"Please let go of me." I say firmly.

"I don't want to."

"Adrienne. Let go of me. Now."

She relectunatly lets go. "I'll wait for you."

"Don't bother." I reply, walking out the door with James.

James leans his head against my shoulder. "There's something wrong with her."

"Oui."

"She kissed you."

"Oui." I'm quiet for a moment, debating whether I should tell him about this morning. "She kissed me earlier this morning, too. I woke up early and went downstairs to see if there was anything to eat."

He's silent. Should I not have told him?

Finally, he speaks. "Thank you for telling me."

"You're welcome."

0o0o0o0

 **James' P.O.V**

"So, how are we getting there?"

"I rented a car. It should be right—ah, here it is!" Laf exclaims.

He climbs in on the passengers' side of the car, which confuses me for a moment until I remember that here, that is the drivers' side.

So then I climb in on the actual passengers' side, and Laf starts the car.

"Your shirt today really is cute." He says. "The lavender looks nice against your skin tone."

"Thank you," I say softly. "I was afraid you wouldn't like it."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, like you said earlier, it is kinda feminine. I was afraid you wouldn't let me wear it."

"Cheri, I don't care what you wear or what you look like. I will always love you. D'accord?"

"Okay."


	53. Ch-10, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

When we arrive, I get out of the car and look up. And up. And up. The Eiffel Tower is massive.

"This thing's huge." I say in shock.

"I know." He nods. "Sometime I want to go to the top."

I look up at the top again. I hate heights. But Laf really wants to go to the top. "Okay. Let's go to the top."

He looks at me, shocked. "Really?"

I nod. "Of course."

"Yay!" He squeals like a little kid. "Thank you!"

"Yeah." I'm glad to see him happy, but I also get a sick feeling in my stomach. I hate heights.

He pays for our tickets to take the stairs to the top, and then we begin to climb.

About halfway up, I look down. I squeeze the railing and look back up. ' _Don't look down...'_

After about a half hour or so, we reach the top. Standing on the balcony, we can see what seems like all of Paris. Looking out is okay, just...as long as I don't look down. Which is exactly what I do. I can't help it.

I squeeze my eyes shut, my breathing heavy. Laf's saying something to me, but it's garbled and I can't understand what he's saying. Unwanted memories flood back. Memories of feeling unloved, hated, and just wanting the pain to stop...the memory of jumping. I feel myself now leaning over the railing. I could fall right now. Away from the constant worrying I'll never be good enough. And what if Adrienne's right? What if Laf does like girls, and he was only taking pity on me because no one else would love me the way I am? That's why I wore this stupid shirt today anyway. It'd just be so easy to fall...

Laf grabs at my shoulder. I feel dizzy, and my entire world goes spiraling out of control.

0o0o0

When I wake up, I'm in a hospital bed. Laf's bent over me, silently crying.

"Hun?"

He jerks up, his eyes red from crying. "What were you thinking?"

I look at him, wanting to deny it. "I-I didn't do anything..."

"Bullshit." He never swears at me. "You were about to jump off of there, James. I saw it, and so did everyone else that was up there. What happened?"

I look down, ashamed.

"Please answer me."

I don't answer.

"James?"

I can't tell him.

"JAMES! You're scaring me! ANSWER ME! PLEASE!" He screams, making me only close in on myself further. "Please..."

"I-I don't like heights..."

"Really? You were about to through everything away, just because you don't like heights? Tell me the truth!"

I cover my ears and start crying. "S-stop yelling...p-please stop yelling..."

He starts crying even harder. "I'm scared, James. I can't lose you."

"I-I know...I'm sorry...please, just stop yelling..."

"Okay...I'm sorry. I'm just scared." He looks at me. "Please explain what happened."

"I don't like heights, because of what happened in freshman year.

"What happened in freshman year?"

"I was getting bullied. A lot. Alex had stopped being my friend and had started being an ass to me. Even worse than what he was in college. It...it was also the same year I came out, so my parents began to hate me...my mom gave me the silent treatment, and my dad would occasionally hit me...and I wanted it to stop. I wanted everything to stop." I take a breath, then continue with my story. "I found a fire escape, one that led into an alley. I hoped no one would find me. And then I jumped."

Laf looks at me, a heartbroken expression on his face.

"Thomas found me lying there unconscious and called an ambulance. And then, today, up there on the Tower, I just...I just thought about how I'll never be good enough, for you or anyone else, and how if I jumped I wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again, and...and...I'm sorry!"

"Cheri..." he places his hand against my cheek. "Je suis tellemente desolé. You shouldn't have had to go through any of that. Especially not alone."

"It just...it just sucks. Because I still live with it, every day of my life. I tried to kill myself." I take a shaky breath. "And I can't go back to how I was before."

Laf gives me a tight hug. "Je t'aime, cheri. I love you so, so much."

"You too, Laf. You too."


	54. Ch-11, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

The drive back is in silence. Laf's disappointed in me. He looks straight ahead at the road. I ruined this trip. All I wanted was to make him happy. That's all I wanted to do, but it seems I can't even achieve something as simple as that.

0o0o0o0

 **Laf's P.O.V**

I love him. I love him so fricking much. I refuse to lose him the same way I lost Herc. I don't know what to say. I'm confused, scared, and afraid that if I try to talk to him I'll end up yelling again.

We step inside the building and into the sitting area. Adrienne pops up immediately. "Gil! How was your day?" She hugs me.

"Let go of me, Adrienne."

"Gil—

"LET GO!" Dammit. No sooner have I screamed than James bolts away and into our room.

"Gil..."

"I'm not going to ask again." I break out of her hug and run into my room. James has already stripped out of his clothes and is curled up under the covers of the bed, facing the edge.

I change and climb in next to him, wrapping my arms around him and placing one hand gently on his stomach. He tenses for a moment, then begins to relax. And then he shudders, at which I recognize he is silently sobbing.

"James...James. James, it's alright. I'm sorry for screaming. James? Amour, cheri, belle, bien-aimee?"

"My name's not James...it's Jamie..."

"What?"

"'Cause that's all I am! I'm a stupid, pathetic, girl!"

"Non! Non, cheri, you're not stupid, and you're not pathetic! You're smart, and wonderful, and I love you no matter what!"

But he just keeps crying. "Yes I am!" He wails. "I can't do anything right!"

"Cheri, that's not true."

"Yes it is!" He screams. "It is!"

I hug him lightly. "It's not though. I love you so much. You're perfect."

He's shaking so much. "Please don't lie to me..."

"I'm not lying. You're amazing." I press a kiss to his cheek. "I love you."

His shaking slowly subsides. "I'm sorry."

"Shh. Shush, it's okay. It's okay."

He flips over, now looking at me. It hurts to see him so upset. He buries his face in my chest.

"Are you okay?" That's a stupid question. He's obviously not.

"I-I dunno..."

I hug him again. "Je t'aime."

"I-I know." He stutters out. "Laf...I'm so tired."

"Then sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Mhm...okay." He slowly closes his eyes, curling up close to me.

"I love you." I whisper again. "I love you."

0o0o0

 **James' P.O.V**

 _I try to back up with my eyes squeezed shut, not realizing I'm cornered until my back bumps up against a wall. Then I feel hands. Hands that are poking, pinching, prodding, tugging, hitting, grabbing, squeezing, scratching me. Hurting me. I try to scream, but I can't force any sound out. I'm scared, and it hurts so bad. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts..._

0o0o0

I wake up. Laf's looking at me, concerned. "Cheri? What's wrong? What hurts?"

"Everything. People were hurting me. People like hurting me. I let them hurt me, 'c-cause I c-can't do anything else about it..."

"James..." He says softly. "Did you have another bad dream?"

I nod, crying.

"What caused them suddenly?"

"I've always had them. Not every night, sometimes I'll go a week or two without them, but they always come back..."

"Cheri..." he gives me a hug. "How long have you had these for?"

"Since...since Thomas..." I whisper.

"He hurt you a lot, didn't he?"

I nod. "The abuse...the constant harassment...it just...I can't..."

"Shh, love, it's alright. You're safe now." He squeezes me tightly. "You're safe."

0o0o0

 **Laf's P.O.V**

I only understand a fraction of what he went through with Thomas. I only dated him for a little over a week, though it seemed longer. James...James had to deal with that shit for months. I can't imagine how he's trying to cope with that.

But, I can try to help. I can try to understand.

"Do you want to talk?"


	55. Ch-12, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

"Y-yes...yes, i want to talk..." I whimper out. Maybe, just maybe, talking about it will help me break out of this horrible prison my mind has trapped me in.

"Okay." he gently grabs onto my hands. "Just speak when you're ready."

"H-he was s-so nice at f-first!" I wail. "H-he had been my b-best friend...he cared about me so much...a-and then, as soon as we started dating, he...he changed. H-he hurt me, but he would always apologize afterwards...and I would always forgive him..." I stop for a moment, taking a deep breath. "It was small things at first...light hits on the back of my head, pulling my hair...but it started getting worse and worse..." I begin crying harder again. "He...he'd force me to do things I didnt want to do. I hated it, and I couldn't...couldn't get away..."

Laf hugs me.

"And then I met you, a-and you protected me...I-I could get away from him..." I stutter out. "But I still can't get away from the memories..."

Laf squeezes me tighter.

"I-I can't get away...I-I..."

"Shh, ma cheré, you're safe." He says soothingly. "You're safe."

"I-I know...I know..." I grip onto his shirt, the one physical thing I can do to keep myself from spiraling out of control.

Laf rubs my back gently. "Do you think that seeing a therapist would help?"

"I-I dunno...maybe..." I whimper softly. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I ruined this whole trip!"

"Non! Non, James, you did not ruin this trip. You're okay."

I slump into his chest, suddenly exhausted. "W-why?"

"Why what?"

I can't force anything else out. "Why?"

 **Laf's P.O.V**

Why? Why what?

"I don't understand what you're asking, James."

But he doesn't say anything else. Just buries his face in my chest, hugging me tightly with soft noises coming from his mouth.

"James? Hey, James?" I say softly. "Hun?"

"Why?" He asks again. "Why does all the bad stuff happen to me?"

"Hey. I know it may seem like bad stuff happens all the time, but good things happen too, right?"

"Y-Yeah...like you..." He whispers. "You're the only good thing..."

"Cheri, I'm sure that's not true."

"B-but it is..." James whispers. "I-I just wanna be normal..."

"You are normal." I attempt to assure him.

"No, I'm not." He cries. "No one likes me when I'm being myself."

"I like you." I reply softly. "I love you."

"Do you?"

"Of course." I want to make him happy. I want to make him happy. But nothing I do seems to be working. "You are so wonderful. How could I not love you?"

There, for half a second, I see a glimmer of a smile.

"Thanks, Laf."

I kiss him gently on the forehead, my lips brushing against his soft skin. "Du rien."

He tangles our legs together, a small smile now on his face.

"There's that beautiful smile." I grin.

He smiles bigger, his eyes squinting and eyes crunching.

"There's my beautiful husband."

He blushes, smiling even bigger. "I love you."

"I'm glad you do."

"Whaddya wanna do tomorrow?"

"Do you want to just want to stay here? And then the day after that we could go see the Arc de Triomphe?"

"That sounds cool."

"It will be."


	56. Ch-13, Pt-3

**?'s P.O.V**

They're perfect. There's no denying it. They are made for each other. They look so peaceful, the two of them together, smiles on both of their faces. However, a sadness overwhelms me. Could I possibly been the one next to Laf? Would he have had the same joy with me as he has with James?

 **0o0o0o**

 **Laf's P.O.V**

James is curled up close to me, his warm breath pocketing around us. I wrap my arms around him and shut my eyes again. We're not doing anything today. I can keep him safe here. As long as he's here, with me, he's safe. I can't guarantee that anywhere else.

I didn't realize how worried he was that he wasn't good enough. Of course he's good enough. he's one of the best things that happened to me...but I guess I've done a bad job of showing it. I feel like all I ever talk about is Herc, and that must make him feel awful. And half the time one of us is crying. That can't be healthy, either. I have to do a better job.

I chew on my lip, pondering the situation. I have to show James that I care about him, that he means the world to me. Somehow.

I feel a light kiss on the tip of my nose and open my eyes to see James smiling at me.

"Good morning, mon cher." I reply, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Sleep well?"

"I slept okay." He replied, his smile faltering. "I woke up once in the middle of the night. Bad dream."

"You could've woken me up."

"It wasn't a nightmare. Not worth waking you up for it. You looked so peaceful while you were asleep, so I decided to leave you alone."

"D'accord. But if you ever need to, just wake me up. I won't be mad."

"You're sure?"

"Of course." I give him another kiss.

He smiles, giggling softly. "So we're not doing anything today?"

"Nope. We can stay here all day and do absolutely nothing." I pepper him with kisses, and his laughter grows.

I lightly tickle his sides, his laughter echoing in the small room as he rolls back and forth. "Stop! S-stop!" He shouts, holding his sides. "Hurts..."

I stop immediately, and he buries his face in my chest, breathing heavily.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He nods, looking up at me and smiling, his grin seeming to light up the world.

"Your smile is so beautiful."

"I guess..."

"Non, really. James, you mean the world to me. And I'm sorry I've done a bad job of showing it."

"What?" His eyes go wide. "I know you love me."

"Oui, that may be, but I've still done a bad job of showing that I love you." I place a firm kiss against his lips, placing my hands on his waist. He smiles into the kiss.

His eyes flutter open, but he doesn't remove his mouth from mine. We stay like this, just the two of us, the whole world to seemingly have disappeared.

"Love you..." he mutters, slowly pulling away from the kiss. I notice his eyes watering. "No, don't cry! What's wrong?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing's wrong, Laf. They're happy tears.

"Okay...what are you happy about?"

"That someone loves me."

"I'm glad you know that." I reply, grinning. "I'm so glad you know that." I press my forehead against his, cupping his head in my hands.

His hand goes up to my head, running his fingers through my curls. "Your hair is soft~" he giggles.

He's acting so little, it's so freaking cute. I pull him close, unwanting to let him go. "Je t'aime, mon cher. I love you, my darling." I repeat the phrase in english, pecking him on the cheek. "I love you."

 **0o0o0**

 **James' P.O.V**

I let out another giggle, continuing to run my hands through Laf's thick, curly hair. Thomas would sometimes let me do this...we'd watch movies at his house all the time. Sometimes they were funny, but a lot of times they were scary, and I'd always curl up close to him at the scary parts. That was around eighth or ninth grade. I miss those times. When Thomas was nice. When I wasn't scared of him.

I bury my face in Laf's chest again. I like days like this. Completely lazy. His arms wrap around me, a hand resting on my stomach.

"Aw, you got a little tummy~!" Laf cooes.

"No, I'm fat."

"Non, you got a lil' tummy~!" He repeats.

I curl inwards. I'm always so insecure about my body, especially right now, when all I'm wearing is undergarments. But Laf seems to love me anyways. So I let him call me cute, and I curl back up to him. He places a kiss on my neck, and I smile happily.

One hand goes to my hip, and I tense, but then quickly relax. It's Laf, after all. He won't hurt me."

"If you ever need to talk to me, just say something." He says softly.

"I don't want to bother you, though."

"James. You will never bother me by talking about something that's troubling you. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you." He gives me another kiss and I smile.

"You won't lose me." I reply, hugging him tightly.

 **Hey guys, and thanks for reading this chapter! Again, I'm really sorry updates have been slow lately, stuff has been kind of crazy, especially with Christmas. Also, Please go check out my instagram, gingerswan_art, and my youtube channel, called Ginger's Snap. Again, thanks for reading this chapter, and please review!**


	57. Ch-14, Pt-3

Laf's P.O.V

We stay quiet for a few minutes. Then James speaks again.

"Did you ever go to Prom?"

"What? Non. In junior year, I had no one to go with, and senior year I was too afraid Thomas would be there and try to pull something." I reply. "Why do you ask?"

"I never went either. I had really high social anxiety, and besides, no one wanted to go with me anyway. I always thought it'd be fun, though. To go to a dance." He's silent for a moment. "I'm sorry, I know I sound ridiculous, we're twenty-three, but I just...I feel like I missed out on something."

"James. You are never ridiculous. I understand where you're coming from." And idea starts to form in my head, and I smile to myself. "Get dressed, I'll explain in a minute." I say, getting out of bed and grabbing my clothes.

"What? Laf! I thought you said we weren't doing anything today!"

"We're not leaving the room, cheri, do not worry!" I reply, heading into the bathroom to change. When I emerge a minute later, James is standing in the middle of the room.

"So...what is this about?"

I smile, pulling my phone out. I choose a playlist and then set it on the nightstand. I place a hand against his waist and interlock my other hand with his own, and begin to twirl him around the room. "I know it's not Prom, but it's the best I could do on such short notice."

He grins and leans into my chest, moving his arms and wrapping them loosely around my neck. "It's perfect." He replies as we sway around the room."

"That's good." I know it's not perfect, but at least he enjoys it.

0o0o0

James' P.O.V

I love him so much. He always goes out of his way to make sure that I'm happy. I couldn't ask for someone better. As we dance, he lifts me up for a few seconds, spinning me through the air as I giggle with joy. He kisses me and sets me back down, and the two of us continue to dance around the room.

"I know I said we weren't going to go anywhere today, but I was thinking," Laf starts, "there's a nice restaurant down the street, would you want to go there for lunch?"

"Sure, sounds fine." I reply, just grateful to be here with him. I feel like this is one of the few moments we've had where neither of us is crying, and one where Laf's not talking about Herc. A special moment, just for the two of us. "It sounds absolutely perfect."

0o0o0

?'s P.O.V

I watch as the two of them dance happily around the room, laughing together as they do so. I feel a bit...envious, to say the least. James has what I never can. Of course, it's my own fault. I was supposed to be the good guy, but I ended up being the villain in a horrendous, real-life nightmare for Laf.

But it seems James has mended Laf's shattered heart. And I can be okay with that, with knowing that he's happy.

0o0o0

James' P.O.V

"Laf?"

"Oui, mon cher?"

"Do you feel like something's watching us?"

He stops, standing still as the music continues to play in the background. "No." He shakes his head, his ponytail bouncing lightly. "Why?"

"'Cause I did. I'm sorry, I probably sound stupid, but I can't shake the feeling…"

"Hey, you don't sound stupid." He replies. "It's okay. Do you want to cuddle more?"

"Yes, please."

He pauses the music and wraps his arms around me, pulling me gently onto the bed.

I smile as he begins to pepper me with kisses. It makes me happy. It makes me feel loved, and wanted, and safe. He pulls the blankets over our heads, holding me close. I breath in deeply, curling up to him. We were like that for a while, and I must've fallen asleep, because next he's shaking me awake gently.

"Hey. You ready to go eat?"

"Yeah."

Laf throws the covers back and I smile happily. He heads out the room door and I follow, joining my arm with his. We exit the building and begin walking down the street.

As we walk, it begins to lightly rain, forming puddles on the sidewalk. I tried to walk faster, but Laf pulled me back, continuing at his normal pace.

"Laf, c'mon...we're gonna get all wet!"

"Shh, mon cher." He steps in front of me and places a kiss against my lips. We stand in the rain, kissing in the middle of the sidewalk. Slowly, Laf pulls away and starts to laugh, his curls straightening from the rain and falling over his eyes, "Je t'aime, James."

I begin to laugh with him. "Love you, too!"


	58. Ch-15, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

The Arc de Triomphe is beautiful. I look up at the stunning structure and the intricate designs throughout. Laf grabs at my hand, pecking me on the cheek. I smile and swing my arm, and the two of us begin to walk. People mill about, but I pay no attention to any of them.

"It's beautiful, oui?" Laf asks, and I grin.

"Yeah, it is quite stunning."

"Almost as stunning as you." He whispers in my ear flirtatiously.

I feel my face heating up. He wraps a hand around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Aww, so cute~!" He exclaims. "You're adorable when you're flustered, you know that, cheri?"

"I guess…"

"Aw, come on! You need to be more confident!"

"I'll try…"

"Just as long as you try, cheri!"

I smile. He's so happy. He's been growing in confidence lately, and I'm proud of him for that. I wish I could be like that, and not the shy, quiet person that I am.

Laf holds my face in his hands, pressing a tight kiss against my lips.

I giggle. "You're being awfully handsy." I accuse.

"Oh? Is that bad?" He arches his eyebrow and pulls me into a hug.

"Not at all!" I laugh out. "Your touch is comforting."

"That's good. If it wasn't, I'd be worried." He teases, grinning goofily at me.

I giggle as Laf guides me over to one of the benches, gently pulling me down onto his lap. I don't care that we're in public. He's holding me, and I feel safe, and I lean into him as he nips at my neck.

"Wanna get something to eat?"

"Yeah, please."

"Okay."

He leaves and comes back a few minutes later with food. I curl up next to him, and we sit quietly, content in each other's company.

0o0o0

 **Laf's P.O.V**

James has fallen asleep next to me, even though it's the middle of the day. I'm worried about him. He's been sleeping so much lately...could he be sick? I kiss him gently, pressing my lips against his cheek. "Love you, baby."

"You too…" he mumbles back softly, and I smile. Tomorrow's our last full day here. While it's been fun in France, I'm excited to go back home. We get to see our friends again, and James and I will be back at our own house. Falling into routines together, and creating new traditions...that's what I'm excited about. I get to spend the rest of my life with this amazing being.

We've been here all day, and the blue sky is slowly turning orange. I shake James awake. "Hey, baby. C'mon, we need to head back."

He yawns and stretches, making him even more adorable. "But I was sleeping…"

"I know, baby. You can sleep when we get back."

"'Kay."

 **I know this is a short chapter but I really wanted to get another chapter out to you guys! So, as you may know, it has almost been a year since I started writing this story. In celebration of that, I'm going to do either a QnA, for both myself and the characters, or I'll do a truth or dare fic. If you don't like either of those options, there's a possibility I'll do a one shot with a ship of your choosing. Please vote for one of these three options, and I'll have another announcement in the next chapter! Thank you all so much for reading, and please review!**


	59. Ch-16, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

Today is our last full day. Laf takes me to a nearby museum, where we spend a few hours. He's always been big on history.

He takes me out to eat again today, and we talk, and smile, and then he laughs. I love his laugh. And his smile. And his adorable French accent.

Back at the room, he sits down on the bed, grabbing onto me and pulling me down onto his lap. "Did you have fun on our trip, Maddy?"

"Maddy?"

"Oui. It's just a nickname. Do you not like it?"

"No, no, I do. I do like it. And I did have fun here with you, Laffy."

"Awh, did you just come up with a nickname for me?" He asks, pecking me on the cheek.

I giggle. "Yeah. Do you like it?"

"Of course, mon cheré. It's adorable. Especially coming from you." Laf kisses me again.

 **0o0o0**

 **Laf's P.O.V**

We're on the plane back to America. James sits on the outside seat to avoid looking out the window, but he still grips my hand tightly.

"Hey, Maddy. You're going to be okay. It's going to be okay."

He smiles at the nickname. "I know, Laffy." He's quiet for a moment. "What are we going to do when we get back home?"

"Well, we have tomorrow off, but the day after that we have to go to work."

"But I hate my job…"

"Then quit. We have plenty of money, and my job makes enough for the both of us."

"But I feel bad I'm not doing anything."

"Don't feel bad. It's okay, cheri."

"Alright." More silence ensues. "Hey, Laf?"

"Oui?"

"Your job's not gonna take you away from me, is it?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Laf, come on. You're a model. And you're bound to get more popular. After all, you are fantastically good looking. People will be fawning over you. You'd have pick of almost anyone you'd want…"

"James. Even if I could choose out of everyone on this planet, I would choose you." He pecks me on the cheek. "Nothing can take me away from you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! I mean, look how much we've been through already!"

He giggles. "True!" James leans up against me, his head resting on my shoulder.

"Are you tired again?"

"Maybe~"

I wrap my arm around him, hugging him tight. "Then sleep."

"You'll be here when I wake up, right?"

"Oui, of course I will."

 **Hello, and thank you for reading this chapter! It has officially been a year since I started this fic, and I want to say thank you to everyone who has read and commented. Honestly, without your encouragement, I probably wouldn't have written past the 10th chapter. Voting is still open for what kind of fic you want, as I mentioned in the last chapter. I hope to continue receiving comments from all of you, and thanks again!**


	60. Ch-17, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

I don't wake up until the plane lands in America. The two of us gather our luggage and head out of the airport. I unlock the car, but Laf takes my bag from me.

"I can put this in, cheri. How about you get in the car?"

"But I wanna help—"

"James, it's okay. I've got it."

"Oh...alright…" I climb into the car, chewing on my lip anxiously. Did I do something wrong? Why didn't Laf let me help?

He climbs in a moment later and begins driving, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

I lean into him, yawning.

"Tired again?"

"Yeah…"

"James, are you alright?" Laf asks, a worried tone in his voice. "You've been sleeping a lot lately. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. I've just figured it's been because of everything going on."

"Okay, cheri. If you're sure." He says, pecking me on the cheek.

"Of course I'm sure, Laffy. Why wouldn't I be?"

 **0o0o0o0**

 **Laf's P.O.V**

We get home and I go to get our luggage out of the trunk.

"Laffy, let me help."

"It's okay, Maddy, I got it."

"No, let me help." He says again.

"James, it's fine, I've got it."

"Why are you treating me like I'm incapable? I can handle it!" He exclaims. "Quit treating me like I can't do it!"

"James, I didn't mean it like that—"

"I can carry my own stuff! What, do you think I'm not strong? Quit treating me like a girl! I—" he stops, looking dazed, and promptly topples over. I catch him right before he hits the ground.

"James? James!"

 **I know the chapters have been shorter and I'm sorry, I haven't had as much time to write. Voting for what kind of fic you want is open until Friday! Please review, and thanks for reading!**


	61. Ch-18, Pt-3

James' P.O.V

I wake up in a hospital bed. Laf's sitting in a chair next to it, a grim expression on his face.

"Laffy? Laffy, what happened?"

"Well, cheri...you passed out."

"But I'm good now, right? We can go home?"

"Not quite. With the suddenness of you fainting for seemingly no reason, I mentioned how you've been sleeping a lot lately. So the doctors ran some tests…and a few more after that...and...well…

"Well...well what?" I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I don't like where this is going.

"Maddy...Maddy, you have cancer."

"What? No! Laffy, no! There must be a mistake!"

"James. They ran several tests, all with the same result."

A soft whimper escapes my mouth. "Laffy? Laffy, am I gonna die?"

"The doctors don't think so, as long as you start chemotherapy right away. I was able to get you an appointment scheduled for next week Friday. It's the soonest day they could get you in."

"Already?"

"Maddy, it'll make you better."

I bite my lip, tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. "Okey…"

"Shh...Maddy, don't cry. It's going to be okay."

I reach my arms over and wrap them around Laf. "Can we go home now?"

"Oui, I think so." He helps me out of the bed. I'm checked out of the hospital, and we go down to our car.

0o0o0

Laf's P.O.V

James stays curled up in his seat for most of the drive.

"Cheri, you're going to be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Oui, of course."

He sniffles, leaning into me. "I don't wanna die, Laffy."

"You're not going to. The doctors said you'll live. Everything is going to turn out okay."

"But...but what if—"

"Shh. Do not dwell on it."

"Okay…"

"Hey, we're home. Let's get inside and I'll put a Disney movie on, okay?"

He nods, a glimmer of a smile appearing on his face. "Alright, Laffy."

We step inside, and I put on The Lion King. James cuddles up to me, and I pull a large, fluffy blanket over the two of us.

James giggles, pulling the blanket up more. "Thank you so much."

"For what?"

"For being here. I'm so glad I have someone with me through this."

"Of course."


	62. Ch-19, Pt-3

James' P.O.V

"Laffy...can I just go this tomorrow?"

"James. You've gotta do this, baby."

"But I don't wanna…"

"Shh. You'll be okay."

I chew on my lip. "Laffy…"

"Come on, Maddy. You'll be okay."

"Okay…" I step out of the car. I grab onto Laf's hand tightly as we walk into the hospital. "So, it's...it's a needle?"

"Yeah."

"Laffy?"

"Hey, Maddy, I'm going to be here next to you the whole time. You'll be okay."

We check into the hospital and go to the assigned room. I sit down on the bed, and Laf joins me, pulling me onto his lap.

A nurse walks in. "Mr. Madison? Is that who I have?"

"Yeah." I reply weakly.

"Okay. I just need you to roll up your sleeve."

I pull it up slowly, wincing from embarrassment as the nurse glances at my scars.

"Alright, I just need to clean the place where the needle goes in."

Laf hugs me close to his chest as she does just that, inserting the needle for the IV into my arm.

"Some patients do feel nauseous during the chemo. So just in case," she passes me a trash can. "Here's this."

I hug it as the poison courses through my body. "Laffy…"

"Hey baby, you're gonna be okay. I promise,"

"Laffy...can you stay at home with me tomorrow?"

"I can't, je suis desole, but I've had a photo shoot scheduled for the past two months. It's big. I'll see if John can come over, alright cheri?"

"Okay." I smile. John and I have stayed good friends over the years.

I shudder as a wave of nausea hits and I vomit into the bucket. "Please say I don't need to do this again for a long time…" I whimper.

Laf kisses my neck. "You have another one next week, cheri."

"So soon?" I whimper as tears flood my eyes. "Laffy…"

"Oh, baby." He says softly. "It hurts seeing you in pain, but you need to do this."

"I know, but—" I'm cut off as another wave of nausea hits. I let out a muffled sob.

"It's okay. Just a little longer, and then we can go home."


	63. Ch-20, Pt-3

James' P.O.V

"Hey, James!"

"John!" I smile as he steps into the living room. He plops down on the couch next to me and I give him a hug.

"How're you feeling?"

"A little better. Not much."

"Okay, so what do you wanna do? We can watch a movie, or play a game, or maybe is there something else you want to do?"

"A game sounds good."

"Alright. Whaddya wanna play?"

"Somethin' that doesn't involve a lotta thinking...can we play sorry?"

"Yeah, of course. Your games are under the television cabinet, right?"

"Yeah, that's right."

John pulls the game out of the cabinet and begins setting it up.

I sit down on the floor, using the couch as a backrest.

"Thanks for coming." I say softly as the game progresses.

"Yeah, of course." He replies, moving one of his pieces backwards four. "It's been a while since we've hung out."

"Mm-hm. So, if you're here, what's Alex doing?"

"He had work today. Some big project due or something. I don't really know, all that office stuff confuses me."

"That makes sense." I've always hated the thought of working in an office. "So, how are you and Alex?"

"Pretty good," John's quiet for a moment. "I've been thinking of proposing."

I let out a little excited gasp. "Really?"

He nods, smiling. "I've considered going shopping for a ring, but I'm kind of nervous."

"What about?"

"Well, what if he doesn't like the ring I choose? I mean, it's Alex! Would he even wear a ring? Or—or what if he says no?"

I chuckle lightly. "John, I think you're worrying too much."

"No, I'm not!" He exclaims, his voice cracking. "I want it to be perfect!"

"I get that. But you need to stop worrying. I'm sure Alex will love whatever ring you get him."

"Hey, James?"

"Yeah?"

"I have some pictures of different rings I was looking at saved on my laptop...it's in my car...could you help me?"

"I can try, but I think only you know what Alex really likes."

"Yay! Thank you so much!" John jumps up and runs out to his car, our board game now forgotten.

He comes back in and sits down next to me, placing the laptop across his legs. "Okay, So there's this one here," he pulls up a picture, "I know it's not traditional because it's black gold, but I feel like it's something Alex would wear."

"I can see that." I nod.

"Yeah, the jeweler that I can get this from, well, they have a thing where I can get the ring engraved. I was thinking about doing something like that, too."

"Aww, that's cute!"

John blushes a crimson shade. "Thanks." He clicks to the next picture. "There's this one, with a silver band, and a black diamond inlaid."

"Oh, I like that one too!" I exclaim.

We continue looking through rings, and I help John narrow them down to two.

"Thank you so much, James!"

"Yeah, of course."

We talk some more, and we do end up eventually completing our game of sorry. Around three I hear the door open and slam shut again.

"Laffy!"

"Hey, Maddy!" He bends down and gives me a tight hug. I notice he's wearing a new outfit; a bright yellow crop top with tight jeans. "Thanks for coming, John."

"Yeah, of course. I'll see you two later." He grabs his computer and leaves.

"So, did you have a good day?"

"Uh-huh. It was nice seeing John again."

"That's good to hear." He sits down on the floor, hugging me tightly. "I missed you, baby."

"Awh, I missed you too." I peck him on the cheek.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Better than this morning, yeah."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Yeah...how'd your photo shoot go?"

"Great. But I'm glad I'm home."


	64. Ch-21, Pt-3

We're back in the hospital for James' second chemotherapy treatment. He whimpers and I hold him tight. "It's okay, baby. It's okay."

"Hey, Laffy?"

"Oui, Love?"

"Can John come over again tomorrow?"

"Of course. I have some errands I need to run, so that will work out well."

"Thank you."

0o0o0

Laf left a couple minutes ago, and now John come in through the door. With Alex. I try to put on a happy face. "John!"

"Hey, James!"

Alex glances at me, nodding his head but not saying a word.

John comes and sits down next to me. "How're you feeling?"

"Okay. Better than last week."

"That's good."

"Hey," Alexander interrupts. "Where's Laf?"

"He's running errands." I say softly.

"John? Why are we here?"

"I'm here to keep James company and make sure he's okay. I dunno why you came."

Whoa. That wasn't John's attitude towards Alex last week.

"What, now he needs to be babysat?"

"Grow up, Alex." John counters.

"I'm pretty sure James is the one who needs to grow up, if he still needs a babysitter."

I bite my lip.

"Alex—"

"Why did Laf marry you anyway, huh?" He directs at me. "You never did anything to deserve him. Why would he want someone as pathetic as you? I bet he did it outta pity. Knew no one else would ever like—"

John shoots up, stalking over to his boyfriend and slapping him across the face. "Alexander James Hamilton! He has done NOTHING to you! What-? Why are you like this?" I can't see his face but I hear him choke on a sob. "Get out! I don't care how, just get out!"

"Jackie, I—"

"Leave!"

As soon as Alex is through the door, John bursts into tears. "What have I done?"

"John?" I shakily stand up and walk over to him, giving him a hug. "Hey, I'm here. It's okay."

He leans into me, which almost knocks me over because I'm so small. I guide him over to the couch and he sinks into it.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't. Don't apologize. It's not your fault." John replies. "Alex was the one being the jerk." He messily wipes his tears. "Why is he so mean to you? I—oh my god."

"What?"

"T-the way I said it...it sounded like I was breaking up with him, didn't it?"

"You mean, that's not how you wanted it to sound?"

"No!"

"Oh."

"I should call him."

"No."

"Wha-whaddya mean?"

"You both need some time to calm down."

"B-but...But I need to tell him I love him..."

"I know. I know you do. But he probably needs some time to calm down."

"How long do I have to wait?"

"Only an hour or two. Don't worry."

"Only?"

"John. You need time."

"Fine."

0o0o0

Laf walks in a bit later. "What's going on?"

"Alex came with John." I reply.

"And he was being a jerk to James." John continues. "So I slapped him...a-and screamed at him...and I accidentally made it sound like I was breaking up with him."

"Oh." Laf bends down, hugging John tightly. "It's okay, mon ami. It's gonna be okay."

"Laf...what if he doesn't forgive me?"

"Then he never deserved you."

John stays a bit longer and then he finally calls Alex's number, hands shaking as he dials the number.

"A-Alex?" John whimpers. "Alexander? I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I'm sorry. I just...you were being mean to James, and I couldn't stand it, and, and..." John starts crying. "You...you forgive me...? You do? T-thank you...thank you, Alexander."

 **Hey guys! So, I'm not dead, I have just been really busy with school. I hope you enjoy this new chapter, and I would love to see some reviews! Thank you again!**


	65. Ch-22, Pt-3

**Laf's P.O.V**

"Amour, I'm sorry, but I have a show tomorrow and I have to leave early to get to it. Do you want John to come over again tomorrow?" This is James third chemo treatment. Hopefully it is killing the cancer, but all it seems to be doing right now is making him weaker.

"Yes, please." He replies softly. I want to give him a hug, but I'm not allowed to when he's getting his treatment. Instead, I gently rub my thumb over his knuckles.

"You're gonna get better." I say. "You're gonna get better, and we can put this behind us, and we can have a happy life, and maybe have kids, and...and..." I restrain tears, "and..."

"Laf," he squeezes my hand tightly. "I'm going to be alright, okay?"

"D'accord." I nod. "I'm sorry, I just...I can't lose you, too."

"No need to apologize." He smiles at me. "I understand where you're coming from."

I nod. "Okay."

0o0o0

I call John's phone when we get home. It rings a couple times and is picked up by Alex.

"'Sup?"

"Where's John?"

"He's in the shower right now. What's up?"

"I have a show tomorrow that I have to leave early for, and James just had another chemo treatment today...I was wondering if John could come over and just stay with him for a few hours to make sure he's okay?"

"He's not doing anything tomorrow, I'm sure he can, and I'll let him know."

"Ah, merci, Alex."

"No problem."

0o0o0

 **James' P.O.V**

When I wake up, Laf's already gone. As I expected. I wish he was around more.

I crawl out of bed, feeling wobbly on my feet-the chemo always makes me feel nauseous-and begin walking down the hallway to the living room.

The lights are already on. That's strange, it's only nine in the morning, John shouldn't be here alre-

No.

No!

NO!

Why is he here, he shouldn't be here, this can't be real, no no no no no...

I attempt to take a step back, but stumble, falling to the ground.

"James...?

"NO!" I try to get up, crying and falling back down again. "NO!"

"James, it's okay, let me help you." Thomas says softly.

"No, you don't wanna help! No!" I cry pathetically, now trying to crawl away.

"James..." He steps towards me.

"Don't touch me!" I never want him to touch me.

"James, I-"

The stress and the nausea don't combine well, and I feel sick, the bile rising and spilling over the floor. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't hurt me, no...no..."

Thomas steps forward and picks me up gently-all the while with me trying to squirm away-and sets me on the couch. "Where's your cleaning supplies? I can clean that up."

"L-Laf keeps them on the shelf in the laundry room."

"Okay." He nods, leaving the room.

I shake on the couch. I don't understand. Why is he here? Laf said John would be here...did Laf lie to me?

Thomas cleans the carpet up, and sits in the chair on the other side of the living room.

"How are you?"

I don't answer.

"James?"

"How do you think?"

"James-"

"I'm sick, quite possibly dying, my husband is never home, I was expecting my best friend to come over and see how I was doing and actually talk to me, and instead the person I hate the most shows up!" I start crying again. "Did you come to hurt me?"

He shakes his head. "No, James, I would never-"

"Don't say that! We both know you would, and you did!"

"Calm down."

"Why should I? Just so I can let my guard down for you, and let you do what you want? NO."

He seems to shrink back. "I just want to be friends with you again."

"And do you think I wanna be friends with you again? After you beat me and hurt me and treated me like shit and with so much disrespect that I didn't think I deserved to be alive?" I can't stop. I've had all of this inside my head for far too long.

"You...you felt like that?"

"How else was I supposed to feel? Happy, that the person who 'loved me' put me in pain every day? No. No!" I make my hands into fists. "Why are you here?"

"Alex told me Laf needed someone to watch you, that John couldn't make it..."

"But Alex told Laf that John would be here..." Realization dawns. "Alex still hates me. He wanted you to come here so I'd freak out...god, I'm so pathetic!"

"You said you were dying?"

"I have cancer." I admit, nodding. "That's why I feel sick all the time. The chemo makes me nauseous."

"Oh." He looks at me, wide eyed. "I hope you don't die."

"Why?"

"Well, I don't want to hope you'll die. That's awful. And, if you don't die, that'll give you some more time to maybe forgive me."

"You can hope all you want, Thomas, but that's not gonna happen."

"I can hope." He smiles. "Right?"

"No." I stand up shakily and head to my room, locking the door and dialing Laf's number.

"James? I'm about to go on, what do you need?"

"Alex lied."

"What?"

"Alex lied. John's not here. Alex sent-" My voice cracks. "he sent Thomas here instead."

"What? James, I...I didn't know, I'm so sorry, I..."

"I don't think he's gonna hurt me, but I'm still scared."

"Baby, I'm two hours away by plane, and my show is an hour. I'll be home as soon as I can, okay? Just stay in our room with the door locked, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, and I promise that when I get back, I'll beat Alex's sorry ass into the ground."

I smile through tears. "Love you too, Laf."

 **Wow. It's been a while since I updated this. And I'm really sorry. I had exams for school, then camping, and then I actually went to see Hamilton last week. I've been busy. I hope to update this more often, and I love receiving comments from you guys so much! Honestly, it means the world to me. See you all at the next update!**


	66. Ch-23, Pt-3

**James' P.O.V**

Thomas knocks on the room door. "James? Come on, please?"

"No."

"James, I-"

"No!" I cry. "All you want to do is take advantage of me, like always!"

"I swear, I don't, I-"

"I don't want to hear it."

I hear him sigh, defeated. "How can I get my best friend back, then?"

"You can't."

"James, please." His voice cracks. "I can't live like this."

"Like what?"

"Alone, and full of guilt. Guilt from hurting you, and Laf. If I could go back and do it all over, I would."

"But you can't."

Silence for a moment. "You're right, James. I can't. And I don't deserve a second chance. But if I could somehow earn your trust...if you'd let me try again..."

Should I? Should I give him another chance? "Maybe." I reply softly. "Maybe."

"Okay." A moment of quiet. "Do you want to play Uno or something?"

"You're gonna hurt me if I leave the room."

"I promise I won't. I don't want to."

"Yeah, right."

"I'm serious!"

"F-fine. You're just going to keep bothering me otherwise, anyway." I agree. I open the door and my stomach tightens.

Thomas hasn't changed much. He's still six inches taller than me, with the same poofy hair and same cocky smile. Same hand that slapped me, with the same big rings that cut across my face...I inhale deeply, taking a calming breath.

"I'll get the card." He offers, his smile changing to a gentle one. "Where do you keep your games?"

"In the hallway closet." I mumble my reply."

"Okay. How about you go sit at the table? Getting something to eat wouldn't be a bad idea, either."

I nod, going into the kitchen and grabbing an apple with peanut butter.

Thomas sits down across from me, the deck of cards in his hands. "How long have you been on chemo?"

"I've been getting it once a week, and this is my third week." I say, biting into one of my apple slices.

"I see." He nods, shuffling the deck. "Did you and Mar-Laf go on your honeymoon already?"

"Yeah."

"Where'd you go?"

"Paris."

"Oh, I love Paris! Did you have a lot of fun?"

"Yeah," I pause, eating another apple slice. "The view from the Eiffel Tower was beautiful."

He looks at me, concerned. "I thought you hated heights?"

I nod. "I do, but Laf wanted to go to the top, so we did."

"Wow." He deals out the cards.

How is it our conversation is flowing so easily? I'm still on edge, of course, but talking to him isn't that bad.

Thomas looks at me curiously. "You're not wearing your binder?"

"Do you have a problem with that?" I say defensively.

"No, just...you used to be so conscientious of your appearance without it."

"Really? Gee, I wonder why. Maybe it was because my boyfriend tried to take it to make me feel lesser, unimportant, and broken? I dunno, just a thought." I snap.

He sighs. "I was-am-a bad person."

"You said you were gay! Why would you even want me to look like a girl, then?"

"I-" He stops. "Because I wanted you to feel weak. I wanted to hold power over you. That's why." Thomas sighs heavily. "But I realize that's not the way a relationship should be. Ever. I am sorry, James. Truly sorry." Tears start to glimmer in his eyes. "I was treated as you were once, too. I was beat, and called brutal names, and...I didn't tell anyone. Maybe that's part of why I did what I did to you. It's not an excuse, though. You...you were brave. You told Laf, and you got help. You have a happy ending. There is no happy ending for me."

I look at him, gently reaching across the table and grabbing his hand. "There might be." I attempt a small smile. "You don't know that for sure, yet." I'm not mad anymore. Or scared. "You don't need to cry."

He looks at me, pulling his hand away. "Thanks, Jamie-James. Sorry."

I hate that name. "At least you corrected yourself. And apologized."

He shrugs. "I suppose."

"How about we play this game?" I suggest, picking up my cards.

Thomas nods. "Okay."

We play nine rounds in all. I win six times, Thomas wins three.

"That's it." He groans, throwing his cards down as I beat him again. "No more."

I giggle. "Yay!"

He looks at me from across the table. "I love your laugh. One of my favorite things when we were friends was getting to hear your laugh."

"Oh."

"Sorry...that was weird."

"It's okay." I smile. "It...it is kinda nice to get to talk to you as a friend again."

He perks up. "Really?"

"Yeah." I nod. "I mean, you were a good friend, Tom. I can't exactly ignore that fact."

"So...does this mean you're giving me another shot?"

"I think so."


	67. Ch-24, Pt-3

After cards, Thomas and I talk a little longer, then decide to watch Heathers, a movie we would watch together in high school.

At one point, Thomas wrapped his arm around my waist. I shied away from it at first, but it's nice to have someone showing affection. Laf's always so busy, and doesn't have time for cuddles.

I think I fall asleep, because one minute we're halfway through Heathers, the next, the tv is off, and Laf is here, screaming.

"What ze hell, Thomas? What did you do to 'im?" Laf shoves Thomas away from me. "James? James, are you okay?" He pulls me into a hug. "Where is your binder? THOMAS!"

"I didn't hurt him!"

"Liar!"

"No, he's telling the truth!" I say. "I'm okay."

"Where's your binder?"

"I never put it on today..."

"Is Thomas blackmailing you to lie?"

"No! It's Alex's fault, yell at Alex!"

"Tomorrow." He looks at Thomas. "Get. Out."

"Of course." He briskly walks out of the house.

"Now you can tell me the truth. Did he hurt you?"

"I was telling the truth, Laffy. I'm okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

He hugs me close, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "He might have hurt you. He might have hurt you and I wouldn't be able to protect you." Laf starts to cry. "I haven't been here for you. I need to be here for you." He kisses me again and pulls away. "Je t'aime, mon belle cheri."

"I love you too, Laf."

He smiles. "I'm really sorry, I really didn't know Thomas would be coming—"

"It's okay." I interrupt. "It's okay."

"Oh. Okay."

* * *

I smile to myself, getting in my car and pulling away. I got to see James again. I got to talk to James again. I got to talk to him again without bursting into tears. Well, he did at first, but oh well.

I have to admit, I do still love him. At least a little. If only I had been different...Laf may have still had Herc, and I would have still had James.

I haven't dated anyone since James. I don't trust myself. I don't want to give anyone anymore pain than what I already have. That's not something I wamt to do. I don't want to hurt people. I broke James. That's what I did. I broke him. And Laf is slowly mending him, but he may not be able to be fixed completely. My fault. It's my fault.

* * *

It's interesting that Alex asked me on a date tonight. He usually plans them ahead of time and lets me know right away. It's also interesting that I never got a call from Laf about watching James...it is Friday. Perhaps he was able to be home tonight?

* * *

I pull James close to me as I curl up in bed.

His breathing is evened out—he fell asleep a while ago, but I'm still wide awake. My mind keeps going through horrible scenarios of what could have happened with Thomas here. I know there's no point in worrying, but I can't help it. Damn my anxiety.

James shifts and his eyes flutter open. "Laffy?"

"Shush, Love, go back to sleep." I gently kiss his forehead.

"You don't need to keeo worrying, Laffy. Everything's okay." He places his hand against my face. "You need to go to sleep, too."

I smile. "D'accord."


End file.
